Want to TTC # 2 but it all seems hopeless.....: (

Right heres the story guys....


Alexa is now 7 months old, after a short pregnancy (she was 7 1/2 weeks prem), we arrived home & all was lovely, till I had Stepson #1 literally dumped on our doorstep by Dh/s ex....

to cut a long story short, I now have DD & SDS living with me, Dh is working out of town from sun-fri night & things are pretty crazy... Ideally i would like DD to have a sibling close in age, but it really does not seem like a possibilty at this stage & it is quite depressing... reasons are...

* Our house is not big enough for another child, DD is in a sun room that is not big whough to share with Bub # 2.... but to build another will be a long way off & more $$$$

* I will now have to work longer to ger some finance behind us (all savings were used when i was on maternity leave, I am now back working fulltime)..

* I dont know how I will cope as SDS has ADD & can be pretty trying at times...


Any suggestions or opinions appreciated or tell me your story.....

ok so maybe that wasnt so short.... Sorry...

Hi Mitch, I feel for you and your frustration at the turn life has taken! It sounds like you're feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all. Is there a local behaviour management program/ respite & mentoring program you could join to get some strategies for managing his behaviour, they are usually pretty supportive and you might be able to hook into some other services/resources as well. The important thing here is to get some support for yourself cos it sounds like you're needing it right now?

Try to keep your chin up, chickie, circumstances change over time and it might seem like a long time to wait but a few more months might be just the thing to see some unexpected opportunities arise!
Hugs

Thanks Marydean

He does go & see a psychaiatrist & we get 10 carer support days every 6 months where someone can look after him over night & get paid, but other than that there is no support for us, i have tried, but apparently as I was tol "there are more serious cases".... grrrrr...

Hopefully you are right & things change..... then the dark despair may lift!!!!!

Hi Mitch
((hugs to you) that sounds like you have a fair amount on your plate there.
I hope things work out for you ... i can only imagine how hard that must be to be left with 2 children for 5 days a week anyway.
Jane
xx

Hugs *Mitch*... Its hard enough with your own bubba let alone the Ex just abandoning her son (I know its' your DH's as well) but I guess there was no discussions or preparing for him to stay prior!?
Things do miraculously change & there is a light at the end of the tunnel that was once there, I hope it happens soon for you!!!

[quote=*mitch*;455596]we get 10 carer support days every 6 months where someone can look after him over night & get paid, but other than that there is no support for us, i have tried, but apparently as I was tol "there are more serious cases".... grrrrr... quote]

I can only imagine how frustrating it must be and the situation where you cant have any more support is just a very clear picture of how our health system and mental health systems are in need of so much more funding.

How old is your stepchild? I was just wondering how hes feeling about being "dumped" so to speak by his mum? Probably a lot going on in his own little world. Is he on any medication for his ADD or going down another path with this? There are often many support groups avaiable even "social groups" where kids can meet other kids with same issues etc.

If you are renting could you change rental properties? If its your own place, is there any possiabilities that the sunroom could be changed in any way? Hvae you looked into the costs or even got some quotes, just getting a few could make a load of difference price wise.

As you have used all your savings, do you have a well planned budget to save some money etc to help you along the way? I know this has helped us personally when we hit some work issues and other hiccups along the way.

And the last thing, how long did it take TTC your first bub, even if you start now might be a while before you fall pregnant.

Thanks for the repies guys...

no there was no warning he was coming, he was jsut dumped & she ran, I never saw her & Dh was not even home...

SDS has jsut come off his medication as of yesterday & his behaviour ahs not changed so far, so hopefully he wont need to go back on again...

We have looked at building a sleepout/garage, but that will be arounh $15 - 20K & is out of the question at the moment & we cant build any furthre our the front cause the road would be too close...

Sunny... it only took 4 months to concieve DD so I think that it may not take long with # 2 (but of course I could be worng)...

Tracey... i am hoping that the tunnel light does come on soon.... I know it will but the waiting sucks

Hey Mitch,
Sorry to hear about your plight. It is often hard being the step mum, to have to deal with the issues with a slightly removed sense of authority and control. I am sure you want what is best for yourself and your family, and sometimes it is hard to juggle the demands of others that aren't as closely related to you, and manage the guilt that comes with it.

I would suggest taking some time out for yourself to consider what YOU want out of your life, and what is best for your family. Easier said than done? Of course! Before making any permanent changes, it is best sometimes to wait and see what happens. You sound like you weren't expecting SDS to lob up on your doorstep, and it may be that his mother will come back and get him just as suddenly. Before making any permanent changes and adding on rooms etc, just wait and see what pans out. Also, remember that when children are little they have very few needs. After all, I shared a room with my sister until I was 11, and it never bothered us. Therefore if you feel you would like another child, then concentrate on what you can change, and not worry too much about all the stuff you can't.

Sorry to rant, but I just wish you the best in your dilemma,

You poor thing!!:hug: I havnt been in your situation but thought i would just say that it is an amazing thing you are doing for your stepson, I work with children everyday and have had my fair share of ADD and ADHD, so in some ways i understand but i couldnt imagine having it 24hrs a day 7 days a week! All i can think of is the room your SDS uses, is it bigger then DD room could they swap?? All the best with everything!