Antisocial

This has been going on for a while, but was really noticable today at gymnastics (our first time). Zander is very very antisocial. I'll give a few examples.

We went to mum's group from when Zander was 2 months old but in the last few months it has fizzled out & we rarely see the group together. The last time we saw Elliot was here at home & Zander would not go near him. I thought being at home he'd be ok, but he grabbed onto my leg and would not let go.

Last week we went to a play centre & he freaked out because there was a man there. He went nuts every time he saw this guy and would not go anywhere that the man was in his line of sight. He again attached himself to my leg. Now this I'm not so fussed on, I would prefer him to be cautious about adult men IYKWIM. That sounds dreadful, but you never know.

Then today at gymnastics he wouldn't go near the other kids, not even the two that he knows. He wouldn't let the mums or the instructor near him & wanted me to pick him up all the time. To start with he refused to join in on anything if anyone but me was near him. He would grab onto my leg and not move unlss I picked him up. In the end he was happy to do the circuit near the other kids as long as they didn't look at him or get too close.

This happens in all situations. He is happy with my family & Aaron's family although he is standoffish with one of my sisters & Aaron's brother that he doesn't see much. He tends to be ok with adult females as long as they don't touch him before he's ready. Also if he's in his pram he's happy to talk to anyone, again as long as they don't touch him.

Is this normal???? Should I be doing more things to get him to socialise, at least with other kids? Is he too dependant on me? Would it be worth putting him into preschool or some sort of care for 1 day a week so he has to socialise without me being around? Will going to gymnastics each week help because the other kids are around? I'm thinking of starting play group as well next week so he has more time with other kids his age.

Just having a bit of a freak out here. Can you tell???

NORMAL :D Paris was exactly the same at about the same age and now look at her :) She had a few experiences with some kids that were a bit rough and it just went on from there (but only for a couple of months). She was fine around her friends that she knew were ok, but at playcentres she wouldn't play she'd cling to me like glue. I think the best idea is to encourage socialising without forcing it iykwim? But also try not to get anxious about it or he may pick up on it (they are clever little people) and think he has reason to be anxious. But also let him sit with you if he wants to. I would try and play with her with the other kids to help her feel comfortable and then when she was comfortable enough I'd move away. But I'd always be there to reassure her if she became concerned. I think the biggest no no is to force them as I think thats just going to make them feel even more insecure. Where as if you act as though its not a big deal don't get stressed or angry over it but don't fuss too much either it will pass and he'll realise within himself that its ok :) Its hard (well I found it hard) because I'd get annoyed by it (I know that sounds so bad) as I used to think "c'mon you were fine last week... what the?" but I just had to realise it was just a stage and I had to support her through it. She eventually came back out of her shell, and now sometimes I wish she wasn't so *out* of it LOL!

*hugs*
Cailin

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ts hard (well I found it hard) because I'd get annoyed by it (I know that sounds so bad) as I used to think "c'mon you were fine last week... what the?" but I just had to realise it was just a stage and I had to support her through it.

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You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that. I was getting so cranky today saying "it's just Elliot, you know Elliot, just play with him if you want". I felt so bad afterwards because I was pushing him when obviously he was nervous. It's just so strange because he loved playing with other kids before, but now not a chance.

So play group would be a good idea? Just make sure I don't push him if he's not ready.

Yeah playgroup would be good I think because they encourage the mothers to be envolved IYKWIM? So I think it would be good as he would be able to do things at his own pace and not forced into any activity he wasn't comfortable with.

They are all such individuals.

And do you know how much of a relief it is to know you found it annoying too! Must be a typical reaction. I wish I had someone around to tell me back then to chill and it was just a phase. I'd get sooooo annoyed. My poor lil princess! But she's fine now so I must not have caused too much damage ;)

*hugs*
Cailin

Hi Sarah,

Zander's behaviour sounds unsocial/clingy which I think is normal/developmental rather than antisocial, which I'd be more inclined to be worried about.

i.e. not socialsing with the other kids compared with hurting them.

I reckon playgroup would be a good idea becuase mums stay etc and are invloved. I can still remember my mum taking my brother and me to playgroup, I really really liked it :)

Duh!! Unsocial is what I meant to say LOL! He is defiantely far from dispaying antisocial behaviours thats for sure.