When did you tell your kids?

Hey there,

Just wanting to get some ideas of when people told their kids about their pregnancy.

I have a 6 and almost 8 year old. I am 10 weeks pregnant. Because I have had a few problems (which look like they are diminishing) we wanted to wait to tell the kids till 14 weeks. My doctor said the peak times for miscarriage is 6 and then 12 weeks and I wanted to make it safely past that time.

My children are with me full time are from a previous marriage. They don't think people can actually have kids unless they are married, so this is going to be a shock to them as I am not married to my partner, but we have all been living together for a year and a half. They've asked me about babies a few times, I've said that I won't be having more babies ever again ( as I was infertile and we wern't going to try)

Problem is, I have told one person at the school, the gossip is getting around because I'm normally dressed in my work uniform and grotty (I mow lawns, chop trees, etc for a living) and I haven't been for 4 weeks now since the bleeding started, I've actually been looking quite ladylike lol. I've also got an obvious 'baby belly', more due to the internal bleeding I've had, but probably starting to be baby now.

So I've been asked a few times, I've said 'shhhhhh' because my kids don't know and we aren't telling people yet. But TODAY I heard one lady today go and tell someone else excitedly and both their girls heard who are in kindy. She wasn't doing it deliberately, she was just very excited and is just like that. My daughter is in kindy, so as much as their mothers tell them not to, the other girls will talk and I would HATE for my children to find out about this surprise baby by 'my mum said that your mum has a baby growing in her tummy!' For this reason I am considering telling them tonight when DP gets home from work.

So looking for opinions....it 10 weeks too early to tell the other children? How long did you wait?

I told Joshua (13) pretty much straight away from when I found out. Funny you say your kids don't think you can have kids unless you're married cos when Joshua was younger he had the idea that when you got married you had a baby...lol. I would say that they should be cool and I don't think it'll be a shock so much as more of a how IYKWIM?? I would definitely be telling them though so like you said, they don't get upset by someone else saying "my mum said....".

Are you feeling better and have things settled down for you now??

Let us know how you go :)

Hey Ozhoffy

Thanks for your direct answer, I see I have no choice here and it's good to see that you see that as well, kind of validates my fears of the other kids saying something.

The biggest worry is obviously something happening to the baby and the kids knowing that. There's been two family marriage breakups around us lately, and we keep a large amount of specialized animals, and we had a virus outbreak in the colony (long story) so we face to lose a lot of precious animals that are just like part of the family and big part of the kids lives. So the kids have been faced with a bit of morbidity around the place. Especially with DP's sister's marriage breakup after only 7 months, it wasn't amicable and the kids are faced with not seeing her husband ever again. So I'm scared that if something happens, this is another loss they will have to endure. But I think there is no choice.

I'm feeling so so much better thankyou :) Since the scan yesterday, and having such amazing news, better than we ever dared to dream, I feel like I am alive again and not just existing day to day. I know I shouldn't get too excited yet, still 4 more weeks till we are out of the higher risk area, but it's certainly a very good sign :)

Thanks for replying with your opinion, it's much appreciated:hug: And thanks for asking too :)

After the loss of Caitlyn, I now have the concern of what and when to tell my nephew. I don't want him to find out from others but I also don't think he needs to know right now (he is 5 1/2). He is a very switched on little boy so we decided if he asked when we are having another baby we would tell him that we have a seed inside me that we are growing at the moment and if we are lucky then we may end up with a baby. But like the crops Daddy grows, sometimes the seeds grow and sometimes they don't so we just need to wait and see what happens.

He is a country boy so the crop analogy works well for him. In our situation (he knows all about Caitlyn's death) we didn't want him to have an image of all pregnancies dying which is the reason for not saying the words *pregnant* and *baby* at the moment. Once we have scans and the pregnancy progresses further then he will be included with the u/s pictures etc.

Tara, my DD was 7.5yrs when we found out we were pg. We told her immediately.

Through unfortunately circumstances, DD has learnt about death. I've always said that someone/something dies cause it's too old, too injured or too sick. Very basic but very true IMO. I explained to her when we told her we were pg that we hoped that the baby would continue to grow strong inside my body until 40wk later it would come out. I also explained that it doesn't always happen like that. If the baby doesn't get strong enough or doesn't grow properly it's body can be 'injured' and it might die. We hoped it wouldn't die but we couldn't control what happens. She understood and accepted it well. Fortunately we now have a bouncing baby boy.

HTH

Hi - my Cait was three and a bit when I found out I was pregnant again and we told her straight away. And if something had happened in the pregnancy, we would have told her about that too. She knows a bit about death from my dad not being alive and my grandpa dying last year, she says that your heart goes to heaven.

PMSL @ U, Fletch. If only Zane could speak full sentences huh?! ;)

I told Tilly before 4 weeks!!! I couldn't handle the thought of someone else telling her, or her hearing it on the "grapevine" I would've died. So she found out very early and it was a lONG pregnancy for her!! Things can go wrong, but I had two friends at the time that had problems at 39-40 weeks, so I thought it was as good a time as ever at 4 weeks. Mind you, I didn't have risk factors and would've considered that if I did. But I really wanted Tilly to be the first to know.
oxxoox

We told the kids we were pregnant with Sammy immediately. There is no way we could keep it secret from them and our reasoning was that even if something did happen..we would want them in the process anyway..grief is a human emotion and I wouldnt feel right in hiding that from them KWIM. The girls were 11 9 and 6.

Jo

My children are older but, I told my children straight away... I figured that because we're a family, we will go through this as a family. We went through the pregnancy, and loss of Noah together... we cried as a family and we grieved as a family... now with this pregnancy, we laugh as a family and they have been to the morphology scan with us.... if something does go wrong with this pregnancy, it is yet another thing we will go through as a family.
I agree that it is much better for your children to find out from you the exciting news... something that they can then go tell their friends :)

Tara, how did you go with the kids?? Are they excited???

I agree with god forbid something happened that the kids would be wondering what has happened by seeing you both upset and then possibly wondering why they didn't know. I understand why you didn't want to tell them till later, but sometimes fate just steps on in doesn't it.

DD was the first to know, even though she is nearly 4 she is pretty switched on. Obviously she cant grasp the time consept but she remembers me with a tummy and her little brother inside.
I said to her 'missy, guess what. Mummys haveing another baby', lol she said 'oh, that means i get a sister and jay gets a brother' im like NO, only one darling. LMAO. Better be only one.

Thanks for everyone's replies. It's interesting to see how different people handle that side of it.

I told the kids the night I posted the original post. They were really happy, although they said 'how did the baby get there if you aren't married?':o I had some explaining to do. It's been really strange being with DP this time around never expecting to have more kids, neither did they. My daughter who is turning 6 this week went all red and just laughed for ages, she is really excited. So much for not telling people either! I didn't want the kids to think there's something to be ashamed of so I didn't tell them to not tell anyone, but my son has told the whole school....at least that means he's excited :)

I'm glad I waited this long as it has been a very stressful 6 weeks worrying about the viability and having bleeding. I think for me it would have made it worse knowing that the kids knew in that time. It's explained to the kids why they had to help mummy out a lot more and why mummy lay down most of the time and was a bit sad. They received the yearly visit from their father not long ago, so I'm glad I didn't tell them before then, he's the last person on earth I want to know for a long time, it's too special for that.

So it all went well and we are zooming for the 14 weeks now. I told them the baby was a seed and if we are lucky it will grow to a baby that comes out in a looong time (thankyou for that idea ) :)

Thanks again for sharing your experiences.

Oooh Tara...I'm sooooo glad it went so well for you :D I think they're going to be doting siblings for your bubs and give you lots of help (or hindering...lol). I thought you might get the "how if you're not married" only cos Joshua thought exactly the same thing around that age...that that's how you had babies...lol..kinda cute when you think about it though.

Anyway...:hug: all round and it's wonderful that it's all went so well...ps...you sound like you're a bit lighter IYKWIM...kinda like now you can talk freely around the kids and all.

Cass, most definately lighter. Before Monday the whole thing was starting to do my head in, especially since I lost the M/S. The best thing I did was drag myself off the lounge I was too scared to leave and ring a new doctor, make an appointment and have him say 'I don't know how you've gone this long with all these problems not knowing if everything's okay'. Totally opposite attitude. Then he rang and got me an U/S and we got to see the little baby still alive and well, and growing great. I didn't realize how much I thought it was over until I saw that little baby.

I still cant think ahead just yet, it's too scary but I certainly feel like things just might work out now. Telling the kids was another step toward my confidence that things will be okay. When the bleeding stops totally things will even be better.

I'm going off topic :) but they will be great siblings. theyve nagged me about getting married earlier because they want a baby to 'appear' (I'm a big green about marriage b/c of bad experience but I'll get there one day). We actually breed reptiles so I have explained to them the whole process of how the pythons and lizards get married and then lay eggs...they obviously passed that over to people lol. I never thought it would be an issue because I was not going to fall pregnant unless we did IVF, so you don't talk about these things with the kids :)

Thanks so much for your concern, advice and encouragement you've given me on various threads:hug:

I completely understand...I worried a hell of a lot more before I had my scan yesterday. I've only had the one so it's been a long time coming and a relief to see and know it's all ok.

Awww your kids sound so adorable. It's so cute how they take something and move it across to other parts of life.

Tara, you're most welcome...didn't know that I had, but thank you :hug: