Older Kids Behaviour

Hi

I am new to this site so not sure how it works. Any way I have a problem which I need advice on. I am recently married for the second time and my wife has just fallen pregnant for the first time. The pregnancy has been difficult to date (11 weeks) as there has been a lot of bleeding. Consequently Kathy has required a lot of support and nurturing.

My 2 boys from a previous relationship live with us (have done for 5 years). The eldest is 13 in grade 8. He is very good for his age, well mannered and polite. All our friends are envious of their behaviour. We all get on - there is no tension between us all.

My issue is that Timothy, the eldest is misbehaving at school. He has become disruptive and does not listen to instructions. I believe it is a subconcious reaction to the pregnancy of his step mum - ANY ADVICE OUT THERE? What can I do he used to be an A grade student - now he is D / C grade - all in a matter of 8 weeks.

Hi Jonathan,

I don't have older children, but my thoughts are that a 13 year old is affected qucikly & deeply by any type of news/change in family cirumstances. Plus it is ususally made worse due to the fact that they are going through puberty & all of the confusion that that alone entails.

So sadly I don't have any answers for you.

To give you an example, when I was 13 my Dad became very ill. At the same time, I started smoking & playing truant, and certainly all efforts toward schoolwork diminished, all of which were totally out of character for me. This carried on for a few months. No doubt I caused my parents, particularly my Mother, no end of frustration. The turning point was an older brother sitting me down and explaining all of the impacts of my Dad being so ill, and how it affected everybody.

So my only suggestion would be to really make time to talk to your son about the impacts of the pregnancy, how is is affecting everyone right now, how it will affect he future of the family, & what his new role is likely to be.

Not sure if this is any help to you?

Hi Jonathon & Welcome to BB!

I'm sorry I haven't been through this or known anyone going through this before, but I have been doing a training course for running a self-esteem program in high schools for girls, and one thing they mention is a drop in self-esteem when a family circumstance changes dramatically. With your wife going through a tough time right now, it has to effect him too.

I would definately think about Lucy's advice and have an up front communication time with him, offer your fears & concerns and allow him to do so also. HTH!