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i am looking for info from other parents of teenagers as to how much' everyone ' is allowed to use the internet . My daughter is 14 1/2 and would spend hours chatting on MSN, and myspace and it has been a source of argument for weeks now. We are also fighting about what time she goes to bed.She tells me, of course, that all her friends are allowed unlimited net usage and that i am being mean. Info plz!!!:
I really doubt that your DD friends are getting that much freedom, and if they are, that is still no reason for you to do the same for her. Every teen thinks they are hard done by if they can't get their own way.
I think you are right to curb her internet usage and try to get her to bed at a reasonable hour too. She should think herself lucky that she even has access to the internet, it wasn't that long ago that hardly anyone had it at all.
I haven't helped you much at all sorry, but I think you should stick to your guns about it.
Arrrgh my dd says the same sorts of things. Shes younger than your daughter but god im already tired of it! My dd is allowed to use the internet when she has some spare time..she mainly uses it for blogs and msn....her bed time at 12 1/2 is 8:30-9 weeknights and we tend to all go to bed together on weekends.
Jo
At 14 1/2, I would say she is too young to use MSN and look at web pages unsupervised. Sucks, but given that there is no real censorship on the internet, then that's how it is for teens. Especially with MSN, even programs like NetNanny and other content control programs can't really stop her chatting with complete strangers on MSN.
I'd give her maybe 1-2 hours a night on school nights, once homework / chores are done, and maybe longer on weekends, but make sure that family/social commitments come first. Don't forget to encourage physical activity as well, of course...*grin*
Is your computer in the living room? I think that its best if computers are in a shared space not private so that its easier for you to see what she's up to.
Also with MSN I think that you can set it to save conversations. At her age I don't think its an invasion of privacy to just check her conversations randomly every now and then.
I often told my mother that my freinds were allowed to do this that and the other - it was BS but there was aways the hope that she'd believe it lol. She never did :(.
Yep sorry I forgot to add that the kids computer is in the living room..no privacy here lol! I randomly go through her emails and her msn names too...the things some kids call themselves is ridiculous! In Jess's class most of her friends have access to a computer and msn and are talking to each other after school...this i see for myself.
Jo
thank you everyone for your replies. Our computer is in the study attached to the family room, and I have been known to check on her conversations and I regularly check who she is talking to . They are mostly kids from school and the chat is pretty harmless. Just a special reply for Michael ... not to have access to msn is pretty much social death and ostracism for pretty much all high school age chn and from what i hear at my own school for yr 6 kids as well.So you have to weigh that up for your teen.We have net nanny and from what I understand chat on msn is from people in your address book or their friends. so it's not totally open to all.
Annie, the lovely age of technology huh. I allow my son (13) usually an hour block of time...sometimes 2. Even in the school holidays he'll only get about the same amount of time a day. He has decided though that he wants to build his own web based game and is actually exceptionally good at it all and the whole programming so I do let him run over if that's what he's doing. I do check also who he is talking to and he knows that I do check to see what he's been up to...I even told him I know how to check what he's deleted (he just doesn't know that I've forgotten how to do it...lol)...but still it's the worry of me finding something that works ;)
hi cass.... how fantastic that your son has those kind of skills. My brother has a degree in that stuff and is earning mega bucks. What a fabulous future your little guy could have!!!
Point well taken, if the computer is out of sight. I'd make sure you are checking her emails/conversations pretgty regularly. Just be aware that I'm pretty sure its possible to delete conversations in MSN after you've finished them, so if she was so inclined, she could probably hide some of her chats to you as well.:
lol Michael, you sound like you're saying something I would've done if we'd had internet when I was a teenager...cos I would do sneaky things just like that!! I do think that girls seem to have a tendancy also to be a bit more sneaky than boys...particularly with their mums.
Annie
I have a 13 y/o DD and she is allowed to use MSN to chat for about an hour, but that is only after all her homework is done. So far it hasnt been too bad, occasionally it will be a little bit longer, but she usually finds something else to do anyway. Her bed time varies, usually between 9-10.30pm, but it depends on her homework load and what else we are doing as a family. Our computer is in the lounge and she knows that we are usually around to watch what she is doing.
All kids try the 'you are so mean' routine, it doesnt work here and my girls know it!
thanks all.... Michael how do you check on msn conversation?
Dinky... thanks for that on bedtimes, I have kind of given up on that one at present as i figure if she's tired in the morning it's her fault and she won't learn anyother way. She is very much a night owl. She tends to get herself there by 11pm without my intervention.
I've just finished "The Princess *****face Syndrome... how to survive adolescent girls." by Micheal Carr Greg. It's pretty good reading for all those with teen girls, made me realise that mine is not so bad .. there's way worse goingon out there. I forgot to mention that I have an almost 18 yr old son too ... in middle of hsc land at the moment . He is a night owl and internet addict too!
happy weekend to you all
If she is chatting on myspace I would make sure she has a locked page so only people who are on her friends list can go into her page and write messages. There are some very strange people on myspace.
thanks for that ... i'll check when she gets back from camp!