What to do with problem MIL at Xmas, only grandchild

Hi girls

I know I've bored some of you already with my MIL saga, so I won't go in to that. Only to say that she decided she didn't want to see us or my DD (her only grandchild) some months ago and then changed her mind and has seen us half a dozen times ('cause we're polite and accommodate her). On with the Xmas story...

We told her that we were probably going up to Qld for Xmas to be with my Mum and sisters. However, she could buy Lucy a present to take with us if she liked. (B4 now we asked her to not buy anything for any of us, long story, uncontrollable overbuying and tantrum-throwing by her at apparent lack of appreciation by us) She came over a week and a half ago to see Lucy for a little while (short bursts is all we're doing at the moment) and Xmas was not mentioned. We usually get a SMS or email afterwards saying how lovely Lucy is, etc, etc and then a subsequent SMS or email about seeing us again a few weeks later. We figured the same would happen this time to arrange Xmas, but so far nothing.

Now, we weren't going to call her to organise meeting up with her if she doesn't want to or is throwing another tantrum (happens in cycles). Or should we?? We have tried to do the right thing by laying down a few ground rules, but never denying Lucy access to her grandmother by letting her come over to visit. I know she has her nose thoroughly out of joint 'cause we chose someone she is very jealous of to be Lucy's godfather (all in her head and a bit silly, since he really cares about Lucy and surely that's all that matters) last month and probably 'cause we're going up to my Mum's.

As it turns out, due to $$ only Lucy and I are visiting my Mum and we're leaving Xmas night. We're having friends over for Xmas lunch and don't want to do a meal with MIL and her partner (way too long together). Mostly we're not being overly friendly 'cause she won't even acknowledge what she did earlier in the year, let alone apologise or try to find some neutral ground with us.

Any suggestions?? We got her a present from Lucy (enlarged photo of Lucy in a frame) and so didn't send her a card, figuring we'd be seeing her? Should DP just drop the present off on Xmas Eve if we don't hear anything? Or should we not give it to her if she decides not to give Lucy something?

We kind of want to take the high ground here, but not go beyond our boundaries, if that makes any sense... Any advice or experiences you've had would be appreciated!

Wel I certainly wouldn't go bending over backwards for her, so your DP dropping the present over sounds like a good idea. You may as well give her the present seeing as you've already got it but I wouldn't go making any special arrangements if she doesn't happen to say anything about it.

Neverplan, that's a great suggestion! I'll ask DP what he thinks of it tonight...

Jennifer
What ended up happening?? Just interested as I also have an awful MIL that didn't bother buying her only grandson a present on his first christmas. What is wrong with these women??!!!
Sarah

Oh Sarah, I'm sorry I'm not the only one!

Can you believe it, we decided to take the very high moral ground and DP rang her a few days before Xmas Day to arrange seeing her on Xmas Day, at which she proceeded to describe all the things she had planned so she wouldn't have time. He then offered Xmas Eve and she said "We have plans." So, after the description we got of Xmas Day, I told DP I thought she was lying. We decided to drop the Xmas present to her from Lucy around Xmas Eve at 11am, when she supposedly wasn't going to be home.

Of course, we got there and she was home, still in her nightie, so obviously not in a hurry to go anywhere. She tears up the driveway after Anthony after he left the present and peers in the window (Lucy was asleep). We said we were late and had to be off. She didn't give us anything for Lucy. Got an sms Xmas Day saying how much she loved the present.

She smsed after Lucy and I got back from Qld a week later wanting to come and see her. Comes over a couple of nights later, nothing for Lucy and no mention of Xmas...

So, we've basically decided since she doesn't want to be included in special events, or if she is, does her best to cause trouble, we won't be inviting her to Lucy's first birthday in March. She has since emailed asking if she could give Lucy a quilt she has made and we've told her she can give it to her on her birthday. But we won't be inviting her to her birthday party, she'll just have to come when other people aren't here. Not that she knows that yet.

Can you believe it???! After all the fuss about what terrible people we were and she doesn't even get Lucy a Xmas present... She's still playing games, but we aren't buying into it.

Jennifer
Well done for deciding not to invite her to the party. I'm not going to bother inviting my MIL to William's first birthday either. It's a shame to have such crappy MIL's. I just wish I had a good MIL that I could go shopping and out to lunch with and stuff. I'm just lucky that I think my DH is like yours when it comes to his mum he has given up too.

Sarah, had a quick look at William's video on youtube - it's fabulous! Who put it together? Was he born early or had a health scare? What a cutie pie!

William was born 3 weeks early and had a little trouble breathing at first. He was in the NICU for the first 24 hours for them to monitor him. It really isn't as scary or serious as it looks! My brother did the video from some photos that he took. I keep telling him to go into business doing the vids for people.

Oh phew, although that still would have been scary for you, I would imagine. Your brother definitely has a talent, that's a great video!