:
Hello God, are you there?
Yes, my daughter?
Look, I was wondering if I could exchange this baby. This isn't the one I ordered.
Oh? But that's model 265: bright, independent and content, just like you asked for.
But she cries all the time
Oh yes, that model's very effective at communicating her needs. Just meet them as best you can
But I might spoil her
Oh, Haven't you heard? I make babies spoil-proof now
But she wants to be picked up all the time
That's why I gave you arms
And she wants to feed all day and all night
Wouldn't you, if you had the chance to drink something warm and sweet, that wasn't fattening and was packaged in a cuddle?
Yes, but I'm not getting any sleep
Look, you two are a package deal. You're not supposed to be separated. Just bring her into bed with you and go back to sleep
But she wants to feed even when she's not hungry
Sounds like she may need comforting
But she's got a dummy, a lamb-skin, a bunny rug and a bear
Hey, maybe she just wants Mum
But I never get a break. She won't let anyone else take her and she cries when I leave her
You know, thats because she loves you better than anyone else in the whole wide world. Is that so bad?
No, but I'm not getting any jobs done
What??? You're doing the most important and necessary job of all - MOTHERING
Well, how was I supposed to know that? She didn't come with any instructions
Yes she did! I'd already given them to you in a booklet called "Instincts"
Oh yes, I'd forgotten about that
Look, just relax, give everything time. And if things still don't work out, let me know and we'll see if we can give you a refund
Ok, but you know something? Maybe this one's not so bad after all
I know
God?
Yes?
Thanks
