At full time work and I hate it

Does anyone else feel that way? I had to get back to full time work last September, Matthew was 18 months old then, DH also works full time and my MIL looks after Matthew.

I hate it. I hate being away from Matthew, I dread going into work everyday and often cry in the shower in the mornings because I am going into work. At first I thought it was my supervisors and job I was doing. Luckily I got to change that recently but have come to the realisation that it is just being away from Matthew that I hate. I could be out there earning lots of $$$$ and I know I would still hate it. Financially I need to work but DH and I are trying to sort something out so I can stay at home. There seems to be no answer at the moment, as my business isn't taking off... but realistically it wasn't a multi million dollar venture. And there are TTC #2 thoughts in our heads but I seriously do not want to even try before we have worked a solution out.

I really miss my little man, I used to complain about being part-time but that wasn't as bad. I hate not being the big part of his life and the one exploring and playing with him every day. Working full time just sucks, it also meant me giving up moderating this lovely forum and I never ever see my friends either.

I don't mean to scare any newly pregnant mums out there or those who are on mat leave and intending on going back. I am just sharing my thoughts and wondered if anyone feels the same and if you have any solutions of how I can get through it.

I know this isn't as bad as some of you have it, I know others have it worse than me, but it is just so hard. :(

I was exactly the same as you. I went back to work fulltime and Luke went into long daycare. I lasted about 6 months and then cut back to working 3 days a week which was MUCH better. I used to cry all the time at the thought of leaving him. I was that bad that i wouldn't even drop him at daycare. DH had to do that otherwise I would be a mess for the rest of the day. It is so hard. I have a friend who has gone back to full time work and loves it. It just depends on the person.

I have no real solution - sorry. I just tried to be as organised as possible so as soon as I got home from work I could spend some time with Luke.

Will they allow you to work part time? Youve probably already asked them about that but just thought I'd throw that one in. Or will your job allow you to do a day or two work from home and the other days at the office (or wherever it is you work)- so you can work and earn money and be with Matthew all at once?

Nellbe,
I would hate it if I had to leave my DD every day too. I work 3 days and for me that is a great compromise. hope you get something sorted soon.

Thanks ladies for your support. Lukesmum - its nice to know that I am not alone in this! You are so right in being super organised...it can get hetic!

Karina I have been part-time before and had to go to fulltime for financial reasons. The kind of work I do I cannot do from home for computer network and confidentially reasons. So that isn't a way out either, thanks for the words though.

Thanks anney - I appreciate your kind words too. I hope we get something sorted soon as well!!

Hugs Nell.... I can only imagine how tough it must be being away from Matthew for so long. I know I would hate working FT... I struggle enough on the odd days that I do work. By lunch time I'm already missing Gabby. Just the pressure from Neil for me to work more and more is enough to stress me out. I just want to stop and enjoy Gabby while she's still so little... as I am sure you do with Matty.
Don't you wish that the cost of living wasn't so darn high these days?
I hope you guys can sort something out so that you can be home more often.

Nelle,
I went back working full time when Amy was 4 1/2 months old so I wasn't home for as long as you. DH is a SAHD and he went to uni and was about to start a career in IT but my income was too good not to return to work. I miss her during the day but ring her sometimes so that helps. I also have photos to look at and that helps too. I told my boss that I wanted to start work early and finish early so I start at 7:15am and leave at 4:00pm so I have hours to play with Amy when I get home. She goes to bed at 9pm and gets up at 9:00am every day and we have always done her meals/sleeping around me having maximum time with her at night. We eat dinner at 5:15 when I get home as a family and that is great. Occasionally I have to work late but it is rare. But, I want out of work and we have a 5 year plan for me to retire. We are working on a couple of business ideas which we will implement over the next 5 years then we are moving to the country...way out so Amy can go to a country school. Maybe you could work on your next business idea, and keep doing the one you are doing. Hang in there, it is tough but hopefully it is not forever.

Nell :hug:

I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. Sorry I have no words of wisdom, I just wanted to give you a hug.

whilst i didnt go back to work full time (p/t 2 days p/w) i like you used to cry in the mornings when leaving her. I would be sitting at work thinking 'i have a little person at home, and im not at home being with her, im at work creating spreadsheets !!'. I left. DH now does 2 jobs. We manage . 5 years out of my working life to stay at home to bring up my girls is worth giving up a $60k a year job........

Can your MIL keep a book for you?
My nanny did that for me and while it makes you upset that you missed those moments at least you get to read about them.
She used to write basically their schedule for the day and any funny/cute things that Giorgia did. For eg.
9.am Arrived at house. G very happy to see me and flapping arms. Waved good-bye to mummy and had lovely hour playing on the mat. Getting very good at holding her spoon and making raspberries.
She would take pictures with her digital camera and stick them in the book.

etc. etc. In the end, I was so jealous of her having these experiences that we just cut back on every bit of expenditure we could and I too have cut back to part-time which of course doesn't help you! I (think?) I would live in a 2 bedroom apt if I had to rather than go back to full time work.

The only real thing I can advise you is to make the decision to work YOURS, ie. if you need the money then you need to go to work. Try (!) to positive talk to yourself, I'm glad I have a job, I'm glad I have my beautiful son, I'm glad I have my MIL look after him and don't have to have him in fulltime daycare etc. Remember this is probably more about you than Matthew, he knows who his mummy is and loves you, so it's up to you to realise this is just for a season and you are NOT missing out on him because you are working. You still see him every day, and you can enjoy and relish those times as very precious. I can tend to take the time with my girls for granted and get totally sick of them at times.
:hug: Lots of hugs - be careful not to get depressed - remember any time with your Matthew is still good/worth it. Keep your weekends and evening free to spend lots of time with him.
If it helps at all (?) you are not alone, a lot of us would rather be at home with our kids than at work but have to be for our financial situations.

Oh Nell, you poor love.

I don't know what to suggest. I know your and your Dh will have most likely run through every possible solution together.

I know this probably sounds obvious, but have you got a SEEK search up and running for PT jobs in your area? It may be that your skills are in demand from a fair few organisations but for better pay elsewhere, so you could move to part time?

Hugs to you sweetie. xx

Deb - thanks for you words of support, all those that work every now and then would know how it is too, the cost of living seems too high to me.

Gemma - thanks so much for your story, you guys sound so organised. I am at work myself at 7.30 and I leave at 4 - 4.30 for the same reason as you. DH and I have often thought of a sea change. Deb if you are reading this is the cost of living different? I might ask that somewhere else too.....

Sam - thanks and poppet, thanks for sharing your story. I am rapt that you guys manage.

nickel - what a wonderful idea! MIL helped Matty does us a Christmas card which was gorgeous and he does love it there. She gets some of his cousins there every now and then which is great for him. She always has time for him just to play iykwim so I always try to take comfort in that. My g/f also told me that this is one more step towards being able to be home f/t with him eventually which is right.

Lucy - thanks hun. I am registered on SEEK and this may sound selfish but when I do go on Mat Leave again eventually I get 14 weeks paid leave which I can take at hlaf pay and LSL as well, so it is worth me sticking it out I have just realised!

Thanks so much everyone, I do appreciate your thoughts and support.

Nell,
I am exactly the same I am starting already to have panicky moments about having to return to work after #2 is born... I hate working, I used to actually enjoy my job, but not since having Indah (prior to that Maddy was at school & it was OK). But now I totally despise it, although I like the actual role, I hate what it makes me give up in regards to my family, I earn almost dble my DH & so I HAVE to be at work & he would not want to be at home, he'd feel too guilty whilst I was at work & he enjoys working...

Indah spends 2 days with my Mum & 3 in FDC with the same lady daily, she writes a diary book about Indah & stuff she has done, eaten bowel motion etc... It makes me feel less outta the loop...

I hate that our lives are controlled by money & if I could be a SAHM I'd happily go without but I know realistically we'd have to sell our home, cars & DH's motorbike which we have worked hard to get & t's like a small reward.

I am really gonna start to tighten up our belts as of today & hopefully after this baby I will return from Maternity leave to either do only 3-4 days per week (4 at the most) or work from 4pm til midnight without any responsibility (I'm currently in charge of alot of areas at 2 sites & on call 24/7) so working in the factory from 4 til midnight, no responsibility walk in & out at the designated times & for pretty much the same $$$'s.

I can be home with my family during the days & can have meals etc ready for Dh to serve up of an evening, we wont need child care, I will ask Mum to have the 2 littlies still for a few hours on her days off so Ican get a few extra hours sleep, but I think it can work atleast til the l;ittle ones are at school etc & hopefullyy by then we are in a better situation for me to do part time day shift or we can sell & go home to Bali???

Are there any places near you that operate 24 hours as they really do pay awesome night shift? It may not be ideal but you will be home with matthew????

I wish you a tonne of luck, I wish we had the answers to be home with our kids, I wish our hubbies earnt more hee hee...

Tracey, on the topic of tightening up belts, I joined Simple Savings the other day and have found it to be fantastic. It has 8,500 ways to save money and people submit their ideas. We have already saved about $60 in a few days implementing the tips.

Nelle, you are working similar hours to me but I know it is not the same as the majority of your day is at work. I wish you all the best and hope you find a way to stay home with Matthew. Maybe a seachange is what you need?

Nell - the cost of living certainly IS different here. The mortgage is smaller for starters (moved into a house that's slightly larger than our old one - but still the same age and on a bigger block too!). So a sea change can definitely be a solution IF you find the right job opportunity. Neil is also earning a good $15000 more than he was in Geelong so that helps. Umm... we don't go out as much because we have no friends!! LOL That helps too ;) But that won't be for long.
It's a big move to be away from family and friends tho (but I guess that depends on where you are moving.....and whether you have family and friends there already).
We've got foxtel out here and there's no way we could have afforded it with the way things were in Geelong. It was too much of a luxury. In saying that, it would have been wasted because I was hardly ever home!! LOL

Nell i am sorry to hear that you are having a tough time returning to work. I have been back at work PT since DS was 3 months. Shortly after DH took 3 months off work to stay at home so I guess we got 6 months at home.
I hated being at work but eventually I decided I had to do it to provide all the things I want to get for our family and also is an outlet to keep me stimulated ( a selfish reason)
If you can sit down with your partner and possibly work out a way you can work less or not all I do it. It is your decision to make together and it may only be for a couple of years until the kids are in school or kinder.