To Try or not to Try!!!

DH and I have been thinking lately that we might start TTC #2 later this year... May/June... I am all for it one minute, thinking that it would be awesome to go through all that again, and to give Kiara a little brother or sister...

BUT the next minute, I wonder if I do want to have another child yet??? Do I want to share my love and affections with another baby... (I hope that doesn't sound bad).

I wonder if financially we would be ok? I wonder how I would cope if they both needed me at the same time....

I am scared that if we decided to go ahead and TTC knowing that it migt take ages again, that I will regret it later...

All this on top of thinking about miscarriages and all that too!!! Any advice, experiences would be greatly appreciated!

Mel

PS... Irealise that I am the only one who can make the decision... I am not asking for you guys to tell me yes or no!!! Just your thoughts about it and what you felt/feel about it in your lives!

As ive been told, u and DH have to do what u think is right.

Goodluck!!

Mel, it's a very individual thing as you know. And people will argue both sides of this. But for me, I love having my two boys close together (19 months). Sure it's hard some days. Sure there are times when they both need something at the same time. But you manage. And I truly do not believe that either boy is missing out on anything. They are learning early on about sharing mummy. And they love being around each other - Tom lights up when Jack is around, and Jack can't get enough of cuddling, kissing and patting "little brudda Tom". And I take every opportunity to spend one on one time with each of them. We still get good quality time and the boys are happy.

Honestly, the hardest thing is probably that they have different routines. So for example TOm might be ready for a sleep (or already asleep) when we have to go to Jack's playgroup. But we manage. Tom sleeps in the car or the sling so if anything I guess he's learning early to be adaptable.

Thanks Mel... thats exactly the sort of thing I was after... just peoples thoughts and experiences to I guess give me more to think about and maybe help me make the right decision, one that I wont regret!

mel - i am totally in the exact same predicament. we started ttc#2 3 months ago then this month i freaked out about coping and now im back on the pill, but everyday i worry whether im making the right decision. I think giving Archie a bro or sis close in age would be a wonderful experience, learning about sharing and caring and all that and i don't believe he would miss out on anything.

some days i want to go through it all again immediately, some days i want to wait 4 years! DH took a bit of convincing to have another baby at all, but his conditions were that we try for another one straight away as he feels he is getting too old. i think it would also be great to get that baby stage over and done with in one hit, cause sometimes i think the older Archie gets the less likely i will be to have another one.

i too am scared about how long it will take to get pg again, archie took 14 months (not very long in some peoples books, i know) and i also get scared of another m/c and how i would handle all that emotional stuff and still be a good mum.

what if i have terrible m/s, what if something is wrong with the baby? what if what if what if???????

some days i tell myself to just go for it and get it over and done with, after all a beautiful baby is worth all the hard work.

aarrrggghhhh its doing my head in!

i really hope you don't think i have hijacked your thread, just wanted to share my story so that maybe we could help each other through these important decisions.

BTW Kiara looks so precious, i would dearly love a pink baby, though i adore my blue one

Melanie R - how did you cope with pg and a baby? how did you cope feeling sick and exhausted during pg?? this is prob my main concern. how did your body cope compared with your first pg?

Oh Widdly, that's a whole other story! Actually I kept getting sick during my second pg - I had gastro 4 times, and a virus which gave me vertigo and vomitting once. In fact I had gastro for 4 days before Thomas arrived 3.5 weeks early, prob bcos I was sick. I don't know if being sick so often was co-incidence or bcos Jack brought bugs home from daycare (even though he never got sick himself once) or whether it bcos I was tired and rundown (I was also working 4 days a week).

So there were certainly difficult times being pg with a young one. The fatigue was difficult, esp in the first tri. And it was def worse when I was sick. A couple of times DH had to stay home from work to look after Jack. But we did all manage and certainly would again if we decide to TTC again. I think you just prioritise (I got a cleaning lady, DH pitched in more, and some things around the house didn't get done LOL). And you get by bcos you have to. Jack was great. He was old enough to understand and he'd be so good around me when I was tired or sick.

There is a good thread about this in the parenting section called coping with small age gaps. It talks a lot about coping with 2nd or subsequent pg. You should check it out. But don't let the negatives put you off - I would do it all over again!!

wow thanks melR! what a journey you had! i will go and check out the parenting section. thanks again

I say do what you feel in your heart is right...If it were me tho, I would wait til bubs was over 12 months old....There are so many things that you dont want to miss out on with your lil one IYKWIM. Good luck with your decision tho, I'm sure it will be right for you.

I have conflicting feelings too. We're getting ready to TTC - possibly next month! And I wonder how I'll cope. But like someone said - you DO cope - just coz you have to! And that's what I'm relying on!

I think one thing to remember is #1 will be 9 months older by the time #2 arrives, and 9 months is a big difference in what the child is like! Kiara will be over 1 by then, and they amuse themselves quite well by then - Tallon does at 10 months anyway :) And then it's another 6 months or so before #2 is on the move.. so the dynamics will be completely different by then too. Altho.. being pregnant and chasing a 7-10mth crawler around would be VERY tiring! We've waited out almost the 12 months before ttc :)

As for financially - surely #2 won't cost much? For us, we already have the cot, pram & hugabub, all we'll need is a bed for DS so that the cot is free! We also already have a stash of cloth nappies - so nappies will cost next to nothing (altho DS will most likely still be in nappies for a while, so I might buy a few more :) ) and breastfeeding is free! hehe. Clothes - most of them were gifts, and if #2 is the same gender there's handmedowns! Infact - I think the $4000 we'll get will be mostly savings! yay! - oh- we'll need another carseat. I'm sure I'll think of things if I think long enough lol.

Go with your heart. Be sensible of course re finances etc.. but I'm sure you'll cope just fine with 2 littlies :)

Youll cope Rach, the only thing that would be the #1 factor for me is managing financially.

You already know we a trying and our reasons are the same as yours. My Dh has a great job though and we have financial security for the next 6 years min soooooooo we dont have any reason not to TTC.

Good luck with what you decide!

I have only a 13 month age gap between my 2 girls and yep you do cope. Its hard when they are so close in age and still so reliant on mummy and daddy BUT I swear it is the best thing we ever did. I must say even though jasmine and Gemma were both planned as I had to go onto clomid to concieve I was still shocked when I fell pregnant with Jasmine in the first month of trying. Gemma was only 4 months and like Melanie I had a hard pregnancy with Jasmine. I also had gastro, 3 times and was admitted to hospital for severe dehydration, then when things started to get better my gallbladder packed it in!! The pregnancy was the hardest part having Gemma starting to walk and crawl and all that, while I had a HUGE belly and playing with her on the ground was also a challenge but now seeing Gem and Jaz's faces light up when they see each other just makes it all so worth while. It really is such a personal decision though. Goodluck in deciding!!

I wasnt even thinking about another when my DD#1 was your DD age. But thats just me. In my head, after the first 12 months was when i would bring up the option of another.....If your thinking about it now, i say maybe your on your way to making that decision already....KWIM?

Thanks guys that was what I was after... Just a few opinions to help me think it all through!!!

Elissa - You can hijack this thread as much as you like... thats what its all here for! I agree we can support each other in these decisions! I would love a blue bubba, but in the same breath would absolutley love another pink bundle!

We have decided to wait til end on May early june to reasses the situation, I think 18+ months is good... and as it was said, 9 months is a looooong time for Kiara to grow and develop!!!

Thanks again guys... it means a lot to get your thoughts