Need Advice and suggestions.

Hi,

This is probably going to be a very long post, so bare with me, ok?

I live in a small country town where everyone knows everyone and they also know everything about you. Our school is small (under 100 children) and I am having a difficult time at the moment coping with other people knowing my business before I do.

My daughter, Lily is having a terrible time at school, acting out and getting in trouble all the time, for what seems to be small things to me.
The thing is, I find out about these things from other parents, who have no worries telling me what a naughty girl she is. I am the first to admit that my kids are not angels, they are kids.
Lily has only started acting out since she started with a new teacher this year, before that she was good, quiet but enjoyed school. This year she is having nightmares and wetting the bed and trying anything she can to not have to go. Lily is a very emotional girl who needs to feel secure in her environment.
My twins were in the same teacher's class two years ago and felt very much the same as Lily feels now about school. (With their new teacher they enjoy learning).

Another issue with my school is that they only ever reward the high achievers and they don't recognise the children who try their hardest. My girls are very quiet children, who don't ask for much attention and so they get none. My twins, who are 9 next week made the comments that they feel like they are invisible at 'that' school and like they don't matter.

I went up to the school today to try to discuss my issues. They didn't listen to me and didn't give me any plan to help my kids overcome their issues (and mine too - I hurt when they do). Instead, the teachers just blew their own horns and told me what a fantastic school my kids had!

Finally, my third issue and probably the biggest is... I have two foster kids too and AJ (Fostered) and Maddy (one of the twins) don't get along and there is always stout competition between them. AJ is very smart and my Maddy is a plodder (like her mother). He often tells Maddy she is stupid or butts in when she is trying to explain things to me about her school day and this upsets Maddy.
Last year I approached the teacher (and principal) with my concerns and she told me I needed to like it or lump it, that Maddy needed to grow up and get over things. I was going to pull them out (the girls) and send them to another school, had enrolled them and everything and then at the last minute, the teacher said they were going to split the twins and AJ up and they had solved the problem, pulled out all the stops, so that the girls could stay. When I returned at the beginning of the year the class was not split and there were no other teachers to aid in splitting it up. Now they have some days where the girls are in one room and AJ is in another, taking turns with a teacher's aide but this is not the idea I got when she told me she had solved our problem...

They concede that AJ has had a rough few years but neglect to acknowledge that my girls have also had a rough time accepting two other people into their family and learning about some harsh realities.

My problem is this, should I pull them out and go to another school, run away and start again or should I stick it out and hope that things will get better? I'm so confused. THe girls are quite settled socially but in the classroom feel as though they are invisible and not important to the teacher unless they are coming first.
Am I over reacting? This is another worry for me, that because my own schooling was full of bullying teachers and students , that I am even more over protective than most...
I could really use some suggestions and advice.

WOW that is such a hard situation. I'm so sorry I have nothing to offer... I guess I can only imagine what I would do if I were in your situation, and that would be to try and get a third part involved to help see things more clearly. A good friend of mine was having problems with her daughter's teacher and after a one on one meeting nothing was resolved, so she brought a friend who was a teacher from elsewhere in and the principal to sit and discuss it again. This time they saw results. I hope that they listen to you & your precious girls [-o<

If your children are finding this school problematic then you can be sure that other students are having difficulties there too. You could try joining the P&C and discussing your issues with other parents. If the school recieved more complaints then they are more likely to take action. You could also go straight over the school's head and raise your problems with the relevant people at the dept. of education (or whatever you have in your state). Maybe you can have one more talk with the school and let them know that if you don't see action you will take the matter further. It might be worth your while putting your complaint in writing. A letter often achieves what verbal communication doesn't.
good luck!!

I agree with Dachlostar about going to the dept of education with the issues, if you would prefer to leave the girls there.

I think social issues are important but at their age, making new friends comes quite easily whereas getting a good education is important too. Perhaps a different school is a good option - perhaps speak to the school you had considered enrolling them in and discuss the issues with them and see what they would do in that situation. If they would handle it more to the way you would prefer, might be better to have them in a school where issues are taken seriously and considered important.

Hard decision to make though, I sympathise with your situation.


Keen

This is all really good advice, especially involving a third person and placing your concerns in writing. Also it is so true that if the school is the main problem then others will certainly be having issues too, ask around! It's a big worry when it seems that the dominant response to all your concerns is that the children ought to just toughen up and "deal with reality". As adults it's our job to assist children in acquiring resiliance through encouragement, not by throwing them in the deep end! Good luck in trying to deal with these issues and let us know the outcome :)