Stacy's De-Briefing

This involves my 5 year old daughter and I need some honest opinions because I feel that hubby is biased and I am honestly feeling quite lost and crushed right now. So..be honest please girls.
I'll start with Junior Kindergarten and some problems that we had with my daughter. The teached phoned to say that my daughter was hitting people whenever the teacher turned her back. The kids would tell on her but the teacher could never really catch her doing it. We did chat to my daughter and she admitted to doing it. As far as we know, it did end as we never heard anything more.
Now my daughter is in Senior Kindergarten. I received a phone call from the teacher on Sunday night to say that there are some behavioural issues with Rebecca and we need to "nip it in the butt before it's too late". She said that my daughter is very mean and the teacher is concerned that she isn't going to have any friends. Some of the things that she is doing are:
1) she went around to all the kids lockers and ripped their names off the lockers. I asked my daughter about this and she admitted to doing it but said that a boy was also involved.
2) She sits close to other students. The teacher will turn her back and Rebecca will scribble on the other students papers. Rebecca lies to the teacher and says she didn't do it but all of the students are telling on her. The teacher feels she can't do much because she's not catching her.
3) She goes into the library and when the teacher isn't looking, she is ripping library books. Again, she lies to the teacher and says she's not doing it but all of the students are telling on her
4) The teacher turns her back and my daughter scribbles on her own desk. Once again, my daughter lies to the teacher.
The teacher explained that she is very concerned about Rebecca's behaviour and if we don't talk and get this fixed up, she will be forced to send some behavioural books home that we will need to fill out on a daily basis. Okay fine.
Now we did talk to Rebecca about this and she admitted to doing all of this. We told her that it has to stop immediately and she agreed that it would. I agree that yes it might stop but...what will be next?
Now I'm gonna be brutally honest here. I'm really at my limit with this child. I am at a loss as to what I can do with her. Her attitude is terrrible and it seems to only be with me. She'll test the waters with hubby but not quite as bad. Hubby can be with her on a Saturday morning. I'll be in bed as he lets me sleep in. She'll be good until the minute I get up and then she'll start acting bad. I don't get it. I know that she is very jealous (her younger sister is 3). I try to give her one on one time everyday that she is home. We do workbooks quite often as her school work was a bit of a problem (I've been informed that it has improved in the past month or so)
I have spoke to hubby about all of this and he says that she is just a normal kid doing normal things. Is she? I don't think so. I feel like I'm to blame here but I honestly don't know what more I can do for her. I honestly dread the days that she is home and I know that is wrong as well.
Thanks if you've read this far and hopefully it makes some sense. I'm just so crushed right now and I really don't know where to turn since it seems like I'm the only one that things she has a problem.

oh Stacey sounds like your little girl is very smart. She is pushing her boundaries with all adults isn't she? Well maybe not Daddy, but he has probably been pretty consistent with her all along.. (not saying that you haven't been... but sometimes its harder to push daddy's buttons because he hasn't had to put up with it all day long).

Where do you live? Some communities have things set up to help parents cope with these behaviours.

I have gone with my husband & daughter to a program called Triple P where they have helped us gain better control of the situation. We didn't learn heaps new, but were given the confidence on how to handle the situations.

*hugs* you are doing a great job, you are seeking help.

I live in Canada. I'm not really sure what my options are for a place of help. I have decided that I am going to talk to her teacher and see if we need outside counselling or if this is something that we can fix at home.

Yeah I dunno about Canada sorry... but if the teacher isn't helpful, is there a school counsellor? Is there a parent helpline in Canada?

Here in Australia we have a parent helpline which can help guide parents in where to go for help, even if its just books to read to start at home.

Can the teacher suggest strategies you could try to help improve her behaviour??

Maybe ask your GP for a referal to see someone, maybe OT or someone that can help with behavioural problems??

5 years old was a trying time for us too, not for the same reasons as you have, more so tantrums and frustrations etc. Things are looking up now though (wonder how long that will last!)

It sounds like perhaps your daughter is maybe seeking attention?

Hi Stacey,
I am dealing with a child at my school who has similiar destructive behaviour to your little one. We have enlisted the support of a teacher who specialises in behaviour disorders available through the district office of Dept of Education. We have designed a program for this boy that involves positive reinforcement for the good things he does or time without breaking the rules. We have also involved the school counsellor who has recommeded a referral to paediatrician for assessmennt as he also has v poor attention . Can you seek this type of help via your school? It's v important to maintain communication with her teacher and establish consequences for poor behaviour both at home and at school. Ask the school to help!!! With her Dad .... sometimes little girls can just wrap daddy round their fingers . Try to establish consistency between you so she can't play off one parent against the other. My own DD used to be an expert at this... she tries it with her stepdad now!
good luck.... keep hassling the school till you get a result. I 'm sure Canadian schools can't be that ddiffernt to Aust.