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Hi there
after being TTC for a LOOOONNNNNGGGG time:rolleyes:
What are your tips for trying to say positive.
I did read someone was using visualisation techinques, I have been doing positive affirmations.:pray: But would love to hear how you stay positive especially with others falling pregnant and constant BFNs.
TIA
Well, it's hard that's all I can say.
I'm a very pragmatic kind of person so I function best when I have something concrete to focus on such as a project at work or an exercise programme. When I first started treatment, I found that knowing as much as I could about the medical side of conception and infertility really helped me. It gave me something to hang my hat on and I could stop blaming myself for the situation.
I also liked meditation (still do) and found the practice of it very helpful during those times.
I think the main thing is to keep up outside interests and activities even when that is difficult. On an emotional level ... as you well know there will be days when you are okay and days when you very definitely are not. Just roll with it and allow yourself to feel unhappy if you want to. Find a good counsellor and debrief regularly if necessary.
Good luck - it's a hard road but I hope you will find a lot of help here in the forums. There are so many here who understand what you're going through.
Great question Blayz. I don't have any suggestions, but look forward to reading some helpful ideas. What positive affirmations have you been saying?
Melbo - how do you meditate? Do you have a CD or a book or something? It's something I think would be great but I'm not sure how to do it...
Hey Blayz
We tried for 3 years before getting our first BFP.
I don't know if I ever really was able to maintain positivity all the time...there were many times when we would just get so disheartened, especially when all our friends were falling pregnant, without hardly trying!
The things that got me through were:
- amazing support from family who were always willing to talk and LISTEN!
- trying to "get on with life"...easier said than done, I know. I realised that I was putting many things on hold "just in case"...work stuff, travel plans, etc. I eventually got to the point where I just decided I needed to get on with life. I resigned from my job (I was always hoping I'd be resigning due to maternity leave) and started up my own business...this helped keep my mind off the TTC "journey"
- giving myself permission to grieve, get angry, disappointed, etc. Sometimes I found myself trying so hard to be a "martyr" or a "good sport", that it just got too much. I came to the point, where I needed to give myself permission to have "bad days", days when I vented, cried, etc.
- writing in a journal. I found this amazingly helpful. Just giving myself space to let the feelings out...without anyone needing to respond to them
- trying to look out for the good things in my life. Being thankful for what I did have rather than focussing too much on what I didn't have. My DH and I would often talk about the blessings we had in our lives, some of the advantages of not being pregnant/having kids (even though this is what we wanted)
- trying to believe that there was a "reason behind all of this TTC struggle". I didn't know (and still don't really know) what the reason was...but trying to hold on to the belief that there was a bigger purpose in it all...whether I understood it/liked it or not
- protecting myself. Trying not to put myself from the full brunt of pregnant mothers, babies, etc. Making excuses every now and then, why I couldn't catch up with friends (and their beautiful babies...which were hard reminders of what we didn't have). I think that a bit of self-preservation is so important
- making "definite" plans. We got to the point where we had to start putting some plans out there. Looking at alternatives (e.g. if x doesn't work in 6 months, then we need to consider y). Not that we necessarily held strictly to these plans, but it felt better (for me at least) not to be "floating"...it might just be a personality thing!
I hope you don't mind me writing in here, given that our TTC journey is temporarily over...sometimes I wish I could delete my avatar as I know what it feels like to see them...but I was just hoping that it would give you some hope...
Hang in there and take care!
Monnie
Hi Sammi,
I will be happy to talk about meditation but I don't want to hijack Blayz's thread. =) Feel free to email me on melbomartin@hotmail.com and I can tell you a bit about it.
Monnie - good one about the journal. I forgot I kept one of those! I agree writing everything down helps. I used to do it before bedtime and found I could sleep better. It kind of cleared my mind for the evening.
Hope some of these things help Blayz. I think it is like any sort of coping mechanism or life strategy ... you know yourself and you know what works for you. Whatever helps you to keep going and handle your emotions in a positive way is a good thing. I hope you have some success soon.
Mel
Yep, I keep a journal too and i don't know why but it helps to get your thoughts, feelings and fears down on paper.
I've also started acupuncture which has helped me immensely.
Melbo I would love to know also, so if you feel like sharing meditation techniques it would be great.
Heaps of great tips there.
Melbo - Focusing on a project is a great distraction, I have study to do so will dig it out!
Accepting a bad day as just that a bad day and allowing yourself to have it.
I found I needed to know as much as i could medically as well this helped me heaps.
Monnie - Getting on with life is so important you are right, I have held off on this in case of What if??? Pretty amazing starting a business!
We try to appreciate what we have but can always be reminded to do this more.
Protecting yourself is great and to know it is ok not to go to that baby shower I have to realise I can say no if I really dont feel like it.
It is fantastic to see people like yourself helping others and also that you have been successful dispite all this TTC stuff it does bring hope and helps alot so thanks for sharing. Best wishes for your bubs! :)
Sammi - I dont wanna sound like a fruit cake but I was affiriming with "I choose to be pg" I was falling pg but not holding long. So someone said well you are being given what you are asking for! Then she said be more specific she suggested "I am totally fulfilled in my new role as a mother, we have been blessed with this beautiful healthy baby before the year 2008" I have been trying this and imagining holding my baby in my arms. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy so cant hurt?!
Thanks everyone and good luck TTC!!:pray:
Thanks Blayz - much appreciated. I will give you a little rundown on meditation but once again, please feel free to contact me if you would like any more information. You too, Sammi.
There are many ways to learn meditation. There are books which help to give you general ideas of techniques as well as what you are trying to attain during meditative practice. Contrary to popular belief, meditation is not allowing your mind to go blank while droning a mantra although a mantra is an essential part of meditation for some practitioners.
Meditation seeks to teach one to be completely in the present moment through focusing on one's breathing and just allowing the mind to rest. Images or thoughts which spring to mind are allowed to pass through but not to hold nor occupy attention.
The most usual meditations are seated ones in a quiet space with no music or other aids however it is possible to have walking meditations (one of my faves) or you can do it any place by just shutting your eyes. I meditate on PT and I suspect I'm not alone as I see others doing much the same. Sure, some of them are asleep but you can usually tell from the posture. =)
I started reading about meditation from various non-denominational guides that you can buy just about anywhere. I also have a Buddhist friend who will one day enter the equivalent of a nunnery and she is a very experienced practitioner. She helped me with some valuable tips.
Most people find joining a group to be a good start. Some groups are religious but many are not. Can I suggest checking out some adult education courses in your area or looking in the free local paper? You never know what you might find. The group I attended was part of the Uniting Church but most of us were either members of other churches or not members of any religion at all.
Best wishes girls.
Thanks Melbo, I might try to find a CD or something that is a walking meditation (I'm assuming that's what that is - where they walk you through a scenario??)
Thanks for the affirmations Blayz, I think they're great - at least you're thinking positive thoughts when you say them and keeping out those negative thoughts. I am going to say them more often.
A friend of mine also bought oils to bring on positive thoughts. She used to burn them every night when she got home from work. I'm going on a mission tomorrow to find some!
I have been TTC for almost 3 years. 5 IUIs always a BFN Laps, Hsg and now IVF #1
What has helped me is reading lots of books and good websites. I also use a website like this called www.fertilityneighborhood.com (notice the spelling) I go there nearly everyday and when I'm up I'm sure to help someone else who is down. After all this time I've read so much I'm usually surprised to find out something I didn't know.....
H