big brother bully - help!!!

Hi there all.

I am having such a big problem with my oldest son being a bully to his younger brothers,it is driving me batty. He pushes them and throws toys at them, hits them if they go near the toys he is playing with and takes things that they are attached to away from them, like DS2's blanket. He has only had one spanking in his life, (he tipped two bottles of 3L milks onto the carpet) and other than that we use the naughty spot technique with him. We have tried confinscating his toys and trying to explain to him that his brothers are special and he should be nice to them but he just won't quit the bullying. He is nice to them some of the time (if I give him something he always needs extra to share with them) but the bullying outweighs the nice. My MIL has told me that if he hits one of his brothers than he should get hit back in the same place to show him it hurts but I don't want to do that. It is repaying violence with violence. I want a gentle solution. Help!?

There's a great parenting programme that I have used in my profession (I work in child and adolescent mental health) for about 10 years. It's called 123 magic and works fantastically for kids aged between 2-12 year olds.

It's basically a time out programme...where kids are given 2 warnings and then the 3rd warning results in a time out. For some behaviour (e.g. hitting others), there isn't 2 warnings...but results in a time out straight away. The programme is based on 2 main premises: reducing the talking and reducing the emotion.

I am a huge fan of it...not only does it help kids to develop self regulation behaviours (e.g. the ability to control themselves) but also it strengthens the parent-child relationship in a healthy way.

You can receive training in it (e.g. in home training or attending a course)...or alternative just read the book...or get the DVD...

If you're interested, just google 123 magic under an Australian search...

All the best!

I have that quite a bit with my boys. The one that irks me the most is when Mason takes a toy away from Angus and then ditches it. He doesn't want it, but he's just stirring.

I've found being sent to the bedrooms to be the best for us.

Sometimes I don't know what to do but I have noticed that the younger one stirs the older one up a bit too so it's not always one sided.