Whinge About Husband

Ok , I have to vent this
(sorry)

To try and cut a long story short I asked husband for the 1000th time lastnight to bring in a new telephone as ours was cutting out all the time. He agreed he would.

When he comes in I see he doesnt have it, and at that instance the phone conversation I am having with a friend once again drops out because the battery goes.

So being me, being pregnant , being tired I yell at him. He says he had a bad day at work and was too busy, its only 5:30 so I know he left work in time to reach the shops and get a phone so I am angryyyyy. I yelled for about 3 min's because then my mobile rang to resume the conversation I was having with my friend.

He doesnt speak to me for the rest of the night, I threw up 2 times, he didnt care,watched me struggle to clean up my own vomit and then didnt even offer to make me dinner (which he does all cooking at the moment) so then he watches me struggle to make myself something to eat, vomiting in between from the smells.

He didnt even flinch. Eventually I say "do you think what your doing is justified over a small argument" ?

He says how he had a really bad day to come in to me yelling and so on and so on..

I continued to explain to him while he might have had a bad day, I have had a bad 6 weeks of vomiting and I can't go home at the end of the day. He of course didnt care.

How can I make him see that 1: I am pregnant and emotional and 2: that not speaking to me over a 3 min argument is ridiculous.

Every morning he says goodbye to me before leaving for work and he rubs my belly and kisses the baby.

this morning he just walked out the door.

which is very very hurtful.

It really wouldnt matter if I wasnt pregnant I still think it is unjustified over a 3 min argument. But he sat there watching me vomit, struggle to cook and clean up all because I yelled at him for not bringing in a telephone.

ok... got it out.

thanks for reading

Hi Delicate-Dove - you poor thing, having to do everything while feeling so horrible.
Maybe you both need to sit down and have a good chat about what happened. Maybe your DH has other issues which he hasn't spoken about. I agree with you that it was totally unjustified for him to watch you being sick without offering you any assistance. (they can be so stubborn sometimes - although in saying that, i know i can be too :))
Hope it all gets sorted so you can have a nice evening together.

:hugs: delicate dove. I hope you can sort it out with him tonight. Not all guys understand how rotten you can sometimes feel during pregnancy - physically and emotionally. He's probably adjusting emotionally too, though that's no excuse for not talking to you and trying to work things out. All the best for clearing the air.

I agree, you should talk to him. What he did was completely unreasonable and nasty but maybe he doesn't understand that. Snacks is right, my DH didn't get it all (pregnancy). You just have to make him realise that you are making teeth and growing bones and that takes alot of energy out of you.

If he's anything like my DH he probably feels really guilty but is to stubborn to say so.

hugs delicate dove they just dont get it do they???

My Dh always struggles with the first trimester - from his point of view, all he sees is a grumpy, irrational woman who's always tired and complaining of feeling sick - there's no belly or anything to see.

You poor love, Delicate Dove.

I used to out-grump my husband and just not speak to him until he spoke first. I'd also not make him his breakfast if it continued until the morning: then he figured I'd had a bad night on top of a bad day so completely forgave me! In the first trimester he just made me cry and that scares him, so he would apologise.

My DH didn't get it until I started falling asleep the second he picked me up from work and then he was very unforgiving until I had sciatica so badly I couldn't move even with a girdle. When I did throw up, all he would say was "it's about time." It wasn't until the very last stages of pregnancy he started to be nice to me about it all though!

He's now fairly fantastic with everything around the house, helps with the cooking without being asked (LOL, DS wants feeding at meal prep times!), does the washing up, cleans the shower out after himself, sorts out DS's bathwater... seriously, he's so different to how he was early pregnancy and we can mostly put that down to his work getting better, the car changing (from 2-seater to people carrier, plus debt paid off) and him getting paid more. He just was awful before that!

*hugs* Delicate Dove.

Having a sucky phone is the pits, specially when you're stuck at home. Just give him a huge hug for no reason and ask him about his day ... he may be feeling the same way you do but unable to express it ... and you need the support right now.

My poor DH had to clean up 2 lots of dog vomit and one lot of preggo vomit the other night - somehow seeing the uncontrolled vomit affected him? But earlier in my pregnancy, he'd yell at me for vomiting on the dog (she'd run downstairs and try to catch it over the verandah) when I couldn't make it to the bathroom in time.

I've had arguements with my DH where I would argue both sides at him and completely confuse him. He would just sit back and listen to my rant. He didn't understand the tired thing or the sick thing or the moods thing. I've tried to sit him down and explain to him that this is all part of pregnancy and even gave him the preggo book to read but I still don't think he gets it fully.
Just be patient with him. It would have been your preggo hormones that caused you to yell at him over a phone. Think about it...if you weren't pregnant would you have gone off as much? Mind you he shouldn't have been such a pig afterwards. I would have cracked it and went to my mums I think if my DH had done all that.
Try not to hold grudges, esp during pregnancy as our hormones are absolutely berserk at the moment.
Good luck sweetie and take it easy. Oh and BTW vent away, this is the one place where I know that there is someone else going through exactly what I am. Hope you feel better soon so that you can enjoy the miracle inside you

Forgive me saying this as it might be something you may not agree with - but a 3 minute yell does seem like a long time to me, and I'd be really upset if anyone yelled at me for 3 mins for something I forgot to do after a really bad day at work. I understand pregnancy hormones and I definitely understand how annoying it is when husbands promise to do something and don't deliver - so you do have my sympathy. You didn't say if you asked him about his bad day at work - perhaps he's upset because you didn't seem to be interested in how bad he might be feeling too? It's a hard time for both of you in the first trimester, and it is hard for people to understand how bad you can feel when they can't see any bump on the outside. Perhaps you might need to chat together about how stressed/ill/overwhelmed you are both feeling and how this might mean you both get snappy a bit easier than in the past - and maybe you could try to both agree to be forgiving and not hold any grudges? It must have felt awful when he didn't rub your stomach like usual, that's really hard. Please remember these are just my thoughts from the outside looking in, and they may not be at all relevant to your situation.