Jealousy is a curse

Hi everyone,
Im new to motherhood and experiencing some difficult times with my partners nephew who is almost 5. We have a 10 month old baby, previous to her arriving on the scene the 5 year old had the attention of all adult company within my partners family. Since her arrival, things have been pretty interesting. I understand that he feels threatened by her prescence and I try to minimise the threat by distracting her whenever she approaches any of his toys or whatever game that he might be playing. I make sure I bring her own toys with us and whenever he visits I make sure that he is able to play with her things, I encourage him to put away his own toys he does not want her to have, drool on or throw. He exhibits baby type behaviour whenever my girl is around ( ie crawling around talking like a baby, getting in the walker that lives at his house, he expects to be carried like a baby by his mother and patted and rocked like a baby to sleep). Recently things have become too much for me. I have learnt that he is calling her names "you little b***h". His mother told me about this episode with a laugh, but the more I thought about it the more distressed I have become. My partner and I have fights over this because no one would believe that the child is acting in such a way and I look like the evil aunt. I would like to limit the contact between my girl and her cousin but am worried that my partner wont support this as he and his brother have an extremely close relationship. Am I over reacting? Does any one have any tips?
Thanks :)
angledust

I've just moved this to the baby general discussion.

I personally don't think you are overreacting! I would definately not want my baby around another child who is saying those sorts of things. However, at 5 he is just using words he's heard before as well. He is probably having a real hard time dealing with the "newcomer" and often the older children show more issues once the baby starts crawling or moving more. Him reverting to baby behaviours is common... I don't know really.

I think you have every right to be upset especially when his mother doesn't take it too seriously about his calling your daughter that. I think you will need to talk with your partner about him taking a more active roll in supervising his daughter when around the nephew. That way he will see first hand and maybe take more actions...hopefully?

I agree about the not limiting access bit but I think his mum should be saying something to him about the calling of names!.

Thanks so much for you thoughts. I tried the "giant" game yesterday evening which worked fairly well. I just have to persevere. I appreciate the constructive and positive ideas. Thanks again. :)

His parents should be monitoring his behaviour and pulling him up when he does something that is not acceptable, like name calling. Even though he probably doesn't even understand what he is saying he still needs to be taught that it is wrong. Also he should not be allowed to continue with the baby behaviour - when he acts that way he should be ignored and not given attention for it.

I agree you should get your DH to watch the two of them when they are together so that he can see for himself how his nephew is acting, then he might be more inclined to back you up.

unfortunately your are not his parent, and it is not up to you to disipline your nefew (although it sounds as if the parents aren't taking it as seriously as they should). the only thing you can do is to supervise the childrens interaction and make sure there is no physical agreession. definitely encourage as much time playing together as possible as it is good for both children (and may teach your nefew the valuable lession of sharing and protecting). talk with him about how he is the big strong protective cousin, and how when your baby grows older she will look up to him and want to be like him - so he can 'teach her things'. you need to make the baby a good part of his life rather then a competitor for attention.

as for him reverting to baby behaviours - this can be common in older siblings (although i have never heard of it between cousins before), there really isn't much you can do (as you are not the parent) other then ignore this behaviour, and encourage him to act like a 'big boy' or the 'big cousin', and maybe point out all the cool things 'big' kids can do that babies miss out on (riding a bike, eating ice-cream, colouring in and drawing, or what ever else you can think of). maybe he could draw a picture of him and his little cousin together?

hope this helps, they are all tricks my parents used on me an my siblings (i have four sisters and one brother and we were all pretty close in age).

wow, no way would i want that child near my bub. I understand that he is only little to but he is old enough to understand what is right from wrong. Explain to your DH that you are concerned for your little one, not only in the aspect of getting hurt but also that she may start to rolemodel actions and words from her cousin and you really dnt want your childs first word to be B****! Goodluck in your decisions but i stand behind you 100% you are not overreacting!