insensitive comments from medical receptionist

well, have been sitting her stewing on this for the last couple of hours - wasn't going to mention it, but decided i'd feel better with this off my chest

went to the chiropractor today - have been seeing him for over 10 years, and have been talking to him about the TTC issues (he also does acupuncture, so we've been talking about whether he'd do this) - anyway, we were discussing appointments and things with his receptionist and she picked up on the fact that we mentioned another cancelled cycle.

so off toddles the chiro for his next appointment, and she turns to me and says "you know what you need? you need to go on a holiday" - i'm thinking yeah sure, i do, with everything that's been going on a holiday will be awesome

anyway, before i can say anything, she pipes up "there are so many people that go to all the efort of IVF and things, only to have it fail, so they put it to rest, and go on a relaxing holiday and end up pregnant straight away"

i was gutted - do people really think like this? seriously?:doh:

i left there pondering the thought "why the hell does the FS charge so much when he could just channel that money back into me going on a holiday - obviously i'd be guaranteed to get up the duff... might not be real good for his financial bottom line, but his success rate would be great!:p

i am still stunned that something like this was said by someone working in a medical clinic - how do you answer something like that??:dunno:

its amazing the things people think. but what is worse is when they blurt it out. i wouldnt worry about it mate. doesnt matter who they are or where they work, sometimes people have big mouths. i suppose when people havent been through it or seen someone go through it they are just plain naive. i had friends who had 3 m/c and actually went to england for a months holiday hoping it would happen! crazy huh! it didnt work but 2 years later they have just had a baby girl.

Ugh! People just repeat the rubbish they hear. It might not help you feel better, but sounds like she was really just trying to say something supportive...even if it just made you feel worse IYKWIM. Maybe, if you want to educate her a bit , you could write a letter to the practice and say that their receptionist gave you 'advice' that left you feeling offended and flabbergasted. They might then have a word to their staff about being sympathetic only, in situations where they don't actually have a clue what they're talking about. I think you'd probably rather hear "oh, you poor thing, good luck", and it sort of sound hollow and unhelpful, than to have what was effectively a kick in the guts due to ignorance. If you say nothing, she will think her advice is gold and dish it out to someone else who she overhears of having conception issues, but if you write a letter, there's at least one other person who knows better.
Hell, just go on the holiday anyway and recharge ;)

I'd like to see the statistics on these people who went on holiday and got pregnant! Honestly, anyone who ever said that to me, said it happened to a friend of a friend, but never to someone they actually knew.

I think there would be a damn sight better statistics on those couples 'who tried for years, and one day they did IVF and whammo, they were pg!'

I think IK's advice regarding writing a letter is fantastic!

I'm an allied health professional and I would be horrified to know that one of my patients had that said to them by my reception staff...

It doesn't have to be nasty...just let the chiropractor know that it's a comment that, despite the best of intentions, hurts...

Wishing you all the best Briggy's girl...take care!

:wall: What a <<insert rude words here>>

Im glad by the end of the comment you seem a bit more light hearted about it :hugs: to you hun, vent away!
Defaintly complain/ write a letter. Its none of her business! She needs to tell you what dates are available for an appointment and thats it!

Its the sad fact that, that is what so many people in society think a holiday will help. Yes a holiday decreases the stress level, and the fact that some people do fall pregnant more while on holiday is because they are doing it more! Dont have to worry about cleaning the house, work etc etc. However for most of us, a holiday doesnt improve our medical condition.

i'll probably be going back to see chiro next week - have known him since i was a teenager so i'll have a word to him about it. will be easier to talk than to put it in a letter - thankfully he's a top person, so he'll take it the way it's meant without making it so difficult... iykwim?

Wow, I can't believe that she said that to you. OK, so we've all heard dumb crap like that before - but she is a medical receptionist! I couldn't do it myself, as i hate confrontation, but it would have been really great to be able to say "why the hell does the FS charge so much when he could just channel that money back into me going on a holiday - obviously i'd be guaranteed to get up the duff... might not be real good for his financial bottom line, but his success rate would be great! Or say something like - I wasn't expecting to get such an uneducated, insensitive comment from someone in your position.
I think letting the chiro know is a great idea - especially if he will take it well. It's so important that people be pulled up over these sorts of stupid comments - (I just wish i had the courage sometimes ) - you will save someone else from having to go through the receptionist saying the same thing to them.

Obviously the travel industry is missing out on huge amt. of revenue by not targeting the TTC market!! imagine the ads they could have LOL.
Honestly that sounds like the comment of someones grandma 20 years ago not someone who is in the medical game. Poor you,I would be peeved too.

GRRRRRR.... this is nearly as helpful as "you are trying too hard" I still haven't worked out how we could being trying "too hard" ????? It's bad enough that these comments come from "helpful" family & friends but 1000 times worse when they come from strangers who don't even know you !!!! I reckon I've tried everything... being relaxed, being stressed, staying in resorts,camping in tents,pillow under my butt, being drunk, being stoned ( ok,ok I was VERY young & stupid) (& it was only once) oh hang on I haven't stood on my head yet !!! Maybe the next time I go on holiday when I won't be in the mood to "try too hard" I will kill all romance and I'll stress out I'm forcing myself & hubby & afterward I'll try the standing on my head LOL !!!! Oh & while I'm at it I may as well lose weight too because that was "helpful" information as well !!! Oh wait, I'm in need of losing weight so I may not be able to stand on my head anyway because I'm so heavy ..... dammit !!! heeheehee what to do ????????
Sorry about the sarcasm tonight but I get soooo angry when I'm spoken to with "helpful" advice from strangers, I can't help but shake my head with wonder !!!!:angry:
ps... I realise that occassionally some people don't intend on making hurtful comments but you do get a bit over it !!!!!!

Grrrrrr too - i know it does peeve us off doesn't it. I am a chiro receptionist on IVF so I guess i am a little more sensitive to people. I agree that she should have kept her mouth shut and I know what she said hurt you and I am sorry for that. However i have come to the realisation that most people who have not walked in our shoes do not understand what they are talking about and most of what people say is meant with good intention on their behalf and they probably don't mean to hurt us but unfortunately they do from time to time. I now just think - well basically they are not educated in this subject and if they had a day in our shoes they would understand so now I don't blame anyone for what they say as most of it like i said is not meant to hurt us - they just simply do not understand.. the only people i get annoyed at now are people who are from the IVF clinics etc they say things as they do know better - but the poor old public out there just don't have a clue. This is such a great place for us to all vent vent vent as only all of us can understand - so vent away - I know sometimes i just want to scream at people with helpful comments - but when its all said and done they are only trying to help in their own way. Please don't let her upset you it just not worth it.

I hate it when receptionists give out advice when they are not qualified to do so. I once had great advice from a receptionist at my GPs (in the UK, 10 years ago), who told me, over the phone I might add, that the dr was very busy, and my symptoms sounded like a common cold. Needless to say I was furious, I demanded an appointment that day and said she'd have to squeeze me in. I did see the dr, and was diagnosed with pneumonia, which took 4 months to get rid of. A common cold indeed.

Anyway, I agree with Sunny Summer, all they need to tell you is the next available date, and not give out advice, or even words of support unless they actually know what they are talking about.

On the other hand, I have had a good experience from the receptionist at my FS. Last year my DH was away when I had the FS appt, the one straight after yet another BFN. After seeing the FS, I was at the counter to pay, the waiting room was full of pg women and it felt like they were all looking at me, wondering what on earth I was doing there, when I burst into tears. The receptionist took me into the back room and gave me a hug and some tissues. she was lovely and thank god she was there.

I am sure there are many ppl who do ingfact get pregnant wehn they go on holiday or even jsut stop thinking & stressing about TTC...

But when there are fertility issues involved it would be highly bl***y unlikely....

How awful for you.. if that was me i would have been totally gobsmacked.....

Mention it to your FS & see if he will discount you by 50% so you can go on holiday... hehehe