How'd the father cope?

Hi All,

Since becoming pg and even before I have been worrying about how DF will cope with the birth of our daugher. DF does not like hospitals, he hates doctors and seeing the slightest bit of blood makes him feel faint!! I cut my knuckle yesterday and was outside talking to him, he saw blood on the tissue and started to go pale so I quickly went back inside so he wouldnt faint!

So I would really like to hear from people whose partner is the same as this. Did they handle the birth ok or did they pass out on the floor???

TBH I see DF passing out on the floor and he thinks that too!! But I would really like to try and make him feel confident that he will handle the birth. I am hopefully having my sister with me as well (she lives in Syd so lets hope my baby doesnt want to come early!!) so if DF cant handle it, then atleast I have someone else with me.

Thanks and cant wait to hear your stories :)

I have friends who always thought their DH/DP etc would fall to pieces during the big event, but turned out to be a tower of strength for them and coped amazingly well. If your DF is a bit squeamish with blood, he doesn't have to go down the 'business end' of things either - or maybe once he is there it wont bother him. have you sat down and talked to him really in-depth about what exactly his fears are in being your support person etc? It may help him learn to cope with it all kwim? or even once you start pre-natal classes he might get a better understanding of what is expected of him, cause that may be one of his fears.

Oh dear. Sorry, I can't relate.. DH wasn't squeamish at all. Perhaps keep your DF up at the head end, and not at the business end? Things don't get too mucky until the pushing stage anyway, so perhaps encourage him to give his full support during the 1st stages and transition (which I personally think require more support than the pushing!) and then you have your sister for the pushing stage if he feels a bit faint and can't handle it.

I always thought Andrew would be out like a light on the floor, but he did really well. He did go pale but we got through it without incident. The next 2 times he was good as gold.

Love

Hi Veronica

I can't give advice because I haven't been through it, but! I was a bit concerned about my hubby too in this situation! He gets quite funny about blood..(it's so hard because I don't really get it because I'm a nurse and it doesn't worry me in the slightest)..but the midwife at our antenatal classes says often in this situation many dads that worry about the sight of blood aren't worried in the delivery as it's 'different' to something like blood related to a trauma..and of course like the other girls have said keep his head up near yours rather than the other end! I think my hubby will have so much else going through his head at the time that hopefully blood won't be an issue!

All the best

My DP is good around blood and stuff like that but during th births of both kids he almost fainted, it was quite funny:P

Ellie

Thanks Everyone. I am really hoping that DF will be OK and he will be more concerned about what I am going through than worrying about seeing the blood. I will just need to keep him up the top with me and if he wants to have a look then that would be really up to him.

I'm just trying to imagine what the labour will be like, but it is just so hard to because I dont know what will happen, what to expect. I think as time nears on I am going to be getting really scared and I hope that I will be able to handle it!

Veronica, you will surprise yourself at how well you do handle it. I can't really explain it, but it's like you just *know*. I think that's why some men find it hard to know what to do because they are looking at it from the outside. There are some great videos that you could watch together of a birth etc to give him some idea of what to expect. You can read as much as you want, but it really helps to see what it looks like too.

ETA - Get him to read this article on the main site https://www.bellybelly.com.au/birth/men-at-birth by David Vernon (he also contributes here at BB too) and get his book for him to read. You can also check out "Being Dad" a DVD inspired by a man and looks at both pg and birth. You can get it at BigW.

My DH was not interested at all in seeing the blood and "yuk" bits.. so he was looking at me, rather than Claire as she was being born.. stroking my head and holding my hand and stuff like that. My mum, on the other hand, was watching her crown and wanted to see the placenta!!!! There was no blood (that I know of) until she actually was born, but I agree with Shannon, I thikn adrenlalin will just kick in and he wont really notice all that much about the blood.

Hey Veronica

My Dh isn't too concerned about the sight of blood but throughout my pregnancy he kept telling me that he is going to stay at the top and not cut the cord - well i think he surprised himself - he was down at the business end even when the crazy irish midwife opened me up like a fridge door to show him his child - I'm sorry for the TMI -but I'm still trying to work out why he went there - it's not like they were giving away a car or something - ok back on track - he did fine - never got light headed - he shead a tear after it all and was fantastic support through it all - I suppose the only issue I had was that I didn't want people to see the placenta - that's just a bit too much even for me.

You DF will do fine - the adrenalin really does kick in, not just for you in labour but for your birth partner also - they're there for a reason and it doesn't happen everyday.

ETA - he also cut the cord and held his gorgeous son straight away

Aww thats amazing. I guess some men just dont want to see it all, but when they are in there everything can change!

I remember being with my sis and her DF for the birth of their son, I was sitting in the chair with a side on view and I think her DF had a bit of a look when their son was coming out. They asked my sister if she wanted a mirror to see and she said no way. I saw it all and I didnt find it too disgusting, and thinking back to it now, there wasnt a lot of blood.

Thanks everyone. I am confident that DF will be OK, he will be perfect. He is very excited about having a baby and this is one of the stages we both need to get through to have her in our arms.

lol I'm getting a lil teary here now!! Silly pg hormones :redface:

Hey Veronica - congratulations on your engagement! How exciting.
You're right of course, your DF will be just fine. My DH hates talking about and looking at blood and stuff... he even felt sick watching the birth vids at antenatal classes ;)
But he reckons the hardest thing about Natalie's birth was watching me and what I was going through - but he was terrific support. He saw her head crowning and said it was fascinating. But he didn't cut the cord - he couldn't stretch himself that far ;)

DH was perfectly fine....until I needed intervention, then he nearly ended up passed out next to me! The midwife had to run and get him a damp cloth and some water :doh:

This is why next time, I'm hoping to get a Doula.....some support for both of us!!

My DH isn't as extreme as yours, but was useless during birth. He stayed in the room, but away from me and behind me,so it was a pain to keep turning round and asking how he was between pushes. And that was before we got to theatre, before I even had any needles inserted! As soon as I asked if I could push he vanished!

I was also unsure about how DH would cope, and also about how 'we' would be as a couple afterwards - some of you may remember I had a bit of a meltdown about it!! Well, he ended up cutting the cord, I couldn't believe it, and although he wasn't there holding my hand I didn't really want him to... when I'm sick or in pain I don't like to be touched, so I had grand plans about him supporting me in all these different labour positions and when it came to it, I just wanted him there but not holding me. I think it was traumatic for him - I was quite loud (ok, I was so loud that apparently a med student visiting the birth centre ran into the corridor asking one of the other midwives if I was alright, he was very concerned LOL) when Sebastian was crowning and being born, and I think that was hard to hear. But apart from that he was honestly fantastic and he coped much better than even he thought he would. And it's only made our relationship stronger. :)

Good luck with your birth!

Veronica, I agree with the others. My DH is exactly the same as you have described your DP (he doesn't faint at blood though) and I was soooo worried about how he would go. He had a MASSIVE fear of hospitals (which, thanks to me being so sick over the last 18 months and being in and out of hospital, I'm pretty sure he's cured of - he had to get over it!) and even our antenatal class instructor was seriously concerned about how he would handle it.

I just made sure that I had my mum there too for my support and was pretty much relying on her being it, DH was going to be there but I just didn't know how he'd go.

I'm very proud to say he was just great! He handled it so well. There was a stage there when I was pushing (took me 2 hours, I had a very long labour) where I was worried about him because he just looked so scared and helpless because he couldn't help me, but he was fantastic overall, cut the cord, saw all the gory bits and all.

I was so proud of him!

Veronica - congrats on your engagement!! How exciting!
Get your DF the Being a Dad DVD. I got it for DH for xmas, at the end, they show a baby coming out. DH watched that bit heaps. Otherwise, at your antenatel classes, i assume you will watch some videos etc, that should give him the idea.
Me, on the other hand, my DH loves those real life medical shows. I cant watch them, have to cover my eyes (and ears) at times. I told DH that, if i have a CS, that, by no means, is he to have a look, cause i reckon he would love to check it all out.