SO UPSET........with Sister n Law...........

Over at the inlaws last night, telling them our good news. When DH announced we were pregnant, my SIL got up immediately, hugged her brother (my hubbie) and virtually ran to the next room (couldnt look at me). I was shell shocked, as was DH. Rest of family tried to cover it up as to what was happening, but i knew all too well - she was in that room bawling. My MIL and FIL went in and consoled her. Me and hubby left at dinner table in shock. (my SIL is the only daughter, and ive often thought a bit spoilt by her older brother siblings and mother and father)...

She came out about 10 mins later (red eyes and snuffly nose) and acted like nothin had happened. Do i have a right to be upset?
I consider myself very close to my SIL - we were both pregnant with our first at the same time (my daughter is 3 months older). We often have 'coffee breaks' and talk baby stuff.....
I know she has talked about wanting more kids, and im sure that time will come (i know for a fact they're not trying cause she's smoking still).

Im really upset today. Feel like our friendship is false and fake. I need to confront her about it. I feel like ive done something wrong !!!!!!!!

Any thoughts?????

wow mbear.

i really dont know what to say!! how sad for you that such a special announcement was turned into that! i dont know the whole story, but it sounds to me like she likes everything to be all about her, which is very selfish.

i dont know how you are, but i would confront her about it, and just say 'is there a problem with me being pg?' if she is having problems TTC or something like that i guess that may be it, but surely she could let you have that special time,

i really feel for you. congratulations on a very special time, make sure you just keep telling all the people who will be happy for you,

Linda

Wow, I think you have every right to be upset with your SIL. The announcement was supposed to be a joyous occassion for you & hubby to share with his family and his sister turned it into something all about her.

I think I'd get your hubby to find out if there is an underlying problem that made her so upset, but if there isn't then I think what she did to you was just rude and disrespectful.

You have every right to feel the way you do.

Best Wishes and I hope everything goes well for you.
Sharon

Hi Mbear,

I was in same situation last Saturday when i was totally excited about being pregnant... My fathers new wife turned around and said to me sorry if i don't feel excited for you it's just that your not my daughter (what a B**ch sorry about the language) that just devested me but i got through it and im the better person....
On Monday i told my dad off big time he took her side and all i said to him was she doesn't need to be excited for me but she should be excited for her husband as this is his first grandchild... im over it cause i am better then her....

Sorry if carried on a bit and sorry

Hi there, that is such a shame that your exciting news was tarnished. But I'm wondering if there's something going on that you don't know about (for eg your SIL could have had a m/c recently, or something like that). It would be a good idea for you to ask her if she's OK with your news, but a 'confrontation' could turn out to be embarassing if she does tell you she had some bad news or something like that recently.

I left a msg on her answering machine saying how hurt i was at her reaction. I got a phone call this arvo and she said she was sorry she was happy for me, but they have been trying for 4 months and nothing. Okay, i get that it may be a bit upsetting to hear someone is pregnant, but isnt there a little ounce of respect and thoughtfulness for me and my DH. She could not look at me when we told her.
I told my mother tonight, and mum said if one of her daughters acted like that she would have slapped them there and then.
Everyone has issues and hardships in life, how you deal with them and respond to them determines the kind of person you are . She was a good SIL and a good friend. I feel totally betrayed and hurt by her. An honest 'congrats' is all i expected. I didnt get it.

Hon, you have every right to be upset and ****ed off, not only did your SIL but your friend I take it did thid to you but everyone else now has put the focus on her.
It's not your fault that she's smoking, but you can bet your bottom dollar that in the next mths, she'll be preggers too. (sorry if I have her wrong)!

If you really feel that you can talk to her then try, all you wanted was a congrats from her I assume not a massive deal made out of it.

Well Im happy for you and Im sure hopefully you can sort it all out. Good Luck sweetie.xx

PS what did DH say/do?

Dh sided with her at first but then as we talked more last night (through my blubbering tears) he realised what i was saying was right. They are a overprotective family, which is nice at times, but still doesnt help.

Yeah, ill be okay. Sometimes good news determines who your good mates are eh? For me anyway..

XXX - Thanks guys......

Don't worry hon, you get the chance to be totally gracious and sweet and rub it in when she finally announces her next pregnancy O:)
In the meantime, remember that this IS about you and not about her, and put it out of your mind. Don't waste energy fretting over something that is not your problem!

Kerrie

wow - I'd have somewhat understood her being upset had she experinced a m/c, but would be in shock if it was just because they'd been trying for 4 months with no success. Some people I know have been trying for well over 5 years with no success and they were absolutely thrilled when we announced after 2 years and 4 m/c that we'd managed to conceive the 2nd time around.

I think you really need to let everyone know how hurt you feel and that they've basically killed the excitement behind your good news, otherwise you're going to feel crappy throughout your whole pregnancy whenever you're around them.

Congrats and good luck!

It is a shame she reacted like she did......

Both my SIL got pregnant before me, easily and quickly, and I was really devestated both times. I was very happy for them, but I was also very jealous, as we had been TTC for at least 12 months.

But I was lucky and their announcements came over the phone, so I could congratulate them properly, then have a big cry to DH AFTER I got off the phone, so neither of them ever knew my reaction!!

Hope you get it sorted and that it doesn't impact your relationship with her too badly........

Wow mbear.... don't be talked into the fact that her reaction was in any way acceptable. It wasn't but some people are just so caught up in thier own bubble that they literally don't have a clue about your feelings.

Just to add some perspective, my SIL was two weeks ahead of me in her pregnancy & she lost her precious little girl at 20 weeks. This was a massive reason that she could have been quite uncomfortable around me but she CHOSE to handle the situation with absolute dignity, stregth & support. As painful as it is for her she NEVER misses an opportunity to be kind & genuinely loving to both myself & my baby when I see her. She is an absolute inspiration.

It would be incredibly hard for her at times but she made a CHOICE & your SIL, unfortunately, chose herself & her own needs for attention & consolation at your expense.

I am really sorry aboiut how awful it has made you feel but chin up.... I am sure she doesn't intend this to ruin your whole pregnancy. She is probably more on the ignorant/selfish side than the evil one. Just smile & give her the space to heal herself while you look forward to your beautiful babies arrival :D

Dear Mbear

I agree with melody. I lost my last baby at 20weeks and was devistated. But I would never have taken away from the joy of another womens pregnancy. I was in so much pain about my baby but happy for others at the same time.

I have a friend at the moment who is also pg and she is sort of pretending that i am not. We dont talk about my baby only hers and I do feel uncomfortable at times but I have decided that I am so lucky and happy to have this little darling growing inside me that I am not going to let another persons negativity affect me or my baby.

How lucky are we. Just chose to enjoy every single second of your pregnancy!! \:D/

mbear - i understand how you are feeling. She is an adult not a child and thus should act like one. Sure, she has been trying for a few months, but 4 months is hardly the same space of time if for example she had been trying to concieve for 4 years!
You were right to tell her you are upset. When we told my husbands parents, my SIL wasnt home as it was a Sunday afternoon. I expected a phone call, email, sms or anything from her the next day with congratulations (even if she sent it to DH, her brother, I would have been pleased with that) but she sent nothing!!
It was only when we saw her on the Thursday (for DH birthday) after our announcement that she was like, "ohhh congratuations" - I thought to myself how fake! Surely she could have at least rang us!!

For some people it will always be all about them. If there are no other underlying factors then I hope she can grow up and be an adult sometime soon.

Ditto to what Bek just said. Sounds like she's a spoilt brat who needs to be the centre of attention! She'll get over it and I wouldn't worry too much about it, Im sure the same type of thing will happen again!