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We have only told a certain few people that we are trying. And all but my parents are sayin we are too younge. I have a lot of repect for older and younger women who decide to have children, why can't they?
One person said to me that I was selfish for not wanting to travel. How am I being selfish? It really hurt, and I don't understand the stigma attatched to us?
I mean decades ago you were looked down upon if you gave birth over the age of 25!! How has ti changed?
Tamara, i get this too and we arent even ttc. I dont think youre too young, or selfish at all for not wanting to trvael, and i think its great your parents are supportive. Its such a personal thing, and no one else can tell you that you are or arent ready or that you should travel, or whatever other things people tell you ... People tell me "you should travel" and "wait at leat 5 years" and other stupid things like that. My cousin likes to whinge at me and say "wait till youre at least 25, go overseas and have a life, but i just say that i have never really wanted to go overseas, so why bother? My theory to this is that people think of themselves when they were 22 and think they would never have been able to manage a baby then and that they would have prefered to travel. Its wierd how things have changed - when my mum was my age, it was normal for women to have had one or ttwo children, but now heaps of women wait till they are around 30.... I hope you get some more support from the other people you know. I would never dream of telling someone they should not TTC. How rude.
To me I see it as people wanting you to live the life they never got to like you said Tamara because of the decade they were in they were fround upon having a child over the age of 25.
My parents keep telling me what to do at 24 and I just say "Look you lived you life how you wanted too you made those choices, now let me make mine and let me live how I want to live!" (Sounds rude but they drive me insane at times ](*,) )
I have been to Japan twice and travelled half way around Australia, yeah I would love to do more travelling but we are contracted here with only a certain amount of time off per year. It doesn't worry us if we aren't travelling but we are in a beautiful part of Aust. and are happy to get away and see things around here first. You can always travel when you have a child or children whats the difference if you go when your a couple???? Your still going to be jet lagged from a long flight, arguing over which is the right way, cranky because your not in your comfort zone or own cosy bed, eating interesting foods and the rest of it. It's just that you have extra people with you and make wiser decisions on where to go.
It's not selfish at all (sorry for the ramble BTW) it's up to each person if they want to travel the world or not.
One of my friends wants to travel but her partner doesn't so she said she will be a mum and then maybe down the track she can convince him. It's each individual.
This is something that really gets up my nose too!
I've always wanted kids but in the last couple of weeks have been diagnosed with Endometriosis and PCOS so I guess the thought that it may take me longer to conceive is weighing on my mind and I am will be ready I guess within the next two years to start trying for a baby. But I have my dad constantly on my back when are you going to do this when that...it ****s me to tears!
Its such a personal decision and I say do whatever you feel is right...you are the one that has to live with the decision.
Sorry to harp on but I have lived forever with my dad trying to live his life through me and I have learned that you go with your gut instinct because it is YOU that has to live your life!
Jess
I was a mum at 19 and DH was also 19. My pg was unplanned but it all fitted perfectly into a plan for me and we still got jobs and brought a house and did what we wanted. I wasn't really interested in travelling, but if I hadn't got pg who knows what i would have done. It is your life, it is your decision and you should do what you want. My sis went to QLD and wants to travel and that's ok but I am a different person and so she is happy and so am IYKWIM!
Good luck!
Best wishes Michelle
Yep we decided to start TTC when I was 20, I got pg at 20 and had my 21st pg (didn't celebrate coz I thought I would be bored LOL). I got the whole travel thing, I even used to get told "Won't you find sitting at home on the couch all day watching daytime tv boring?" WTF? Who has time for daytime TV???? Even when I am on BB, and somedays its more than others, I am still playing with Paris at the same time, hopping up and down for her needs, putting a new load of washing on etc etc Its not like I sit on my a*** all day! And as for the travel thing, I want to travel but I will be in my early 40's when my kids are old enough to fend for themselves which is assuring as it means at 40 (which isn't old these days) I'll be able to start doing all the things I "missed out on" by having children early, not only that but I'll be able to relate and run after my grandchildren. I think having kids young was the best way for me. But just like having kids older isn't for everyone neither is having them young, it is a personal decision. I just wish people didn't have to pick on the other side because its not the choice they would make! And I don't think its as *uncommon* as people would think either, I have 3 friends who all had their first between 21-22.
*hugs*
Cailin
hi everyone
well this is definately the thread for me.
i have wanted to have children since i was about 16.but i never found the right partner iykwim. then i meet ben when i was 18 he was 20, he knew straight away what i was looking for. and although 4 years later we are now expecting our first in 6 weeks. but i even had my mum tell me i was a stupid girl, for falling pg (we have our wedding planned for nov) but i dont want to travel,my parents took us everywhere with them so i have travelled, and if we want to do more we will do it with our children! what could be more enjoyable.
but also in general i find i get looked down on because we are "so young" to start our family. but i think i am young enough to remember what it was like for me to grow up so it wont be total ancient history when i get to that point with my children!!
I met DH when I was 20 and wanted to concieve then, it has taken 10 years to have our first so I went through the stage where people thought we were young, to now at 30 where people don't say anything.lol
This is such a personal decission, anyone that is butting in, should just butt right out, only you know when you are ready to have a child. I was 23 when I had my first and would have loved to have one much earlier.
Stick to your guns and do what is right for you!!!
Thanks girls - you are very supportive group in here :D :D
I know we are ready to have this baby when I finally do get preggers. I have so much support on my side of the block, its just DH side I am worried about. They seem to think we rush into decisions without thinking of the consquences.
Tamara, I can't believe that you are being judged for wanting to start a family young. Sounds like the people that say that are projecting their own regrets onto you - obvioulsy they wanted to be 'free' and travel.
I am pg with my first child at age 34 and really wish that I had found my perfect partner and have this happen at 24 (or younger). I have travelled a lot, lived overseas etc but I did these things to keep myself occupied when what I really wanted was to be a homebody and mother.
I was 24 when I had my first child. She was a surprise conception but my partner and I were very committed and "ready". We had no support though, of any kind. My parents live interstate and my partner's are elderly. Our friends were too busy having fun to want to be involved and only a few ever babysat. They expected us to bring our baby along to restuarants and just put her under the table. They also invited us to parties and said "Oh just put her in the spare bedroom with all the coats" (we arrived with her asleep in the capsule. We eventually stopped trying to go out because it became too hard and few people had any idea how to help us socialise and deal with our daughter at the same time. They wouldn't think that a smokey room with blaring music should be an issue. It's really fascinating now, 10 years later, how they are all having babies and won't even come out because they haven't been getting enough sleep lately!!!! Oh how the tide has turned. Anyhow. This is just one facet of being a young couple with a baby these days. With just a little support this could all be avoided :) Don't let my story deter you though! Let me also add that we are now considering trying for a third child and I wish I had the young strong body I had with my first pregnancy! Good Luck! :)
tamara - if i could have - in part of my lofes plan i was to pop babies out at 23 - i didn't want to be an older mum (no offense intended - just my own perception) now we have been trying and can't be pg i worry that i may have to be after all - don't listen to other people if you can avoid it doll - its not worth it - its your life and just think when your in your late forties you can travel and enjoy life then as the kids will be gone....
This is an interesting topic for me as well.....
Tamara, I am also 22 and DP is 23 (24 next month). He isn't ready to start TTC for another couple of years, whereas I would like to be pg at any time from now on!
Although, I can't help thinking that I should maybe travel first?.... I find myself being jealous of my sister sometimes, who has lived in Qld and Europe. There is still no way I can afford it at the moment (or in the next year), but I do really want to travel the world. I have only ever travelled to Melbourne, Gold Coast and Sydney. DP isn't really bothered one way or the other, yeah, he would like to travel to a few places in Europe but I don't think it's a huge issue for him.
But, I do think it could be just as exciting and fun going away with children! I guess money was the biggest thing (and I dont even have enough now, without a baby!!). If its really something that we want to do and we happen to have kids at the time, Im sure we will save the money to do it!!
tamara - TTC instead of travelling is exactly the OPPOSITE of selfish!!! some people just say stupid things dont they?
try not to let other peoples ideas influence your own,
Linda