First Mother's Day without our angels

Hi girls,

I have been thinking today about Mother's Day and how I am going to celebrate it. I know I am a mummy and I would like to do something to acknowledge that but I'm not sure what.

Has anyone thought about what they might do?

Hey Lynn,

I have thought about it every day for weeks - I think I will end up celebrating it in tears :( DH and I are going to see our mums on the Saturday instead so that we are not put under that pressure to be "ok" on the Sunday. DH asked me what I wanted him to do in terms of a present and I didnt really know what to say. I was thinking if he was to buy me something I might get upset because Nicholas should be here to give it to me but then if he doesnt I might get upset thinking that I am a mum and deserve something too. God sometimes I think our "Mum" jobs are harder than those with living children because they get the rewards with the stress, we only get the stress and the heartache, there are no rewards whatsoever being "Mum" to an angel baby (well apart from the compassion you learn for others). The only thing I know for sure is that I dont want him to give me anything from his kids because it would almost be like rubbing it in iykwim. He said he wouldnt do that but he would like to do something "from him and Nick".

Do you have any idea what you are thinking of doing? I think maybe I would prefer DH take me out to a nice dinner and the movies and spoil me a little rather than buy me a present. At least that way it will keep me distracted.

Hey maybe we can all hang out on here depressed and crying together LOL :p

firstly I know exactly how you are feeling my first mothers day without Katy was so hard, but I got thru it as will we all celebrate the birth of your children for even though they are not with us in a physical sense their spirit will live on, they are here, in the whisper of the breeze, in the everlasting sunset, in the smell of rain, our babies are with us forever

:hug:

Am I Not A Mother?

by Gail Fasolo

Am I not a mother
On this Mother's Day?
I had a baby, but she's gone.
Death took her away.

Hopes and dreams have vanished
a happy time turned cold.
My motherhood-where is it now?
Gone? Or put on hold?

Am I not a mother
even though my child died?
Does anyone know my heartbreak
or the anguish felt inside?

Special gifts and flowers
but who'll remember me?
As I stand and shed some tears
at your graveside where I'll be.

Mother's Day-so painful
but I will make it through.
Yes, I am a mother!
but God takes care of you.
loving you forever my sweet Katy Rose

Hey Mel,

I can understand spending mother's day in tears. That is what I thought I would do, lie in bed all day and cry and then I thought no I want to celebrate it. I am a mum and I know that Cooper would not want me to be in bed all day crying so I have decided that I am going to get out of the house and remember my special little boy because I know that he will be sending me lots of special wishes for mother's day.

You are absolutely right. Being a mum to angel baby is so much harder. Like that poem you sent me.........the crying, the screaming, the stinky nappies, how blish it would be to have have all of this instead of the heartbreaking silence. I want so bad an out-of-control house with screaming of happiness, laughter and just chaos!

I think dinner and a movie sounds great. DH has said that I should give him suggestions because he doesn't know what we should do but he will do whatever I want to.

Rach - I am sorry for the loss of Katy. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and the special poem with us.

my Dh gave me flowers on my first mothers day without Floyd and then i gave him some power tools for fathers day. his BIL said ' what do get a present for? your not a father!DH spat it and said we created a child that grew and had a heartbeat. he felt Floyd moving in me and he saw his boy be delivered and to him that makes him a father!!!
celebrate mothers day. no matter how hard and traumatic it is, as you are all parents, its just our special angel babies were needed somewhere else. i belive it helps the grieving process. it has been 6 years since Floyd left us but he is always remembered and i could not live with the guilt of trying to scrub ANY important date or milestone.
Take care girls
love and remember your angel babies passionately.

Rach - I agree with you, our children may not be with us but we can still celebrate their birth. We did birth them and they will always be our children and in our thoughts every day for the rest of our lives. Thank you so much for sharing the poem, it is so beautiful and I am sure Katy will love it, it brought a tear (truth be told I cried) to my eye :hug:

Lynn - My DH said the same about giving him suggestions, I guess it is hard for them to know the right thing to do because they want to do the right thing all the time but with our ups and downs its impossible. Maybe you could suggest dinner and a movie then, its something that you can enjoy together and if you feel a little sad its ok cause its just the two of you. I also find movies a really good distraction from my thoughts and emotions (which is why you hear DH and I go all the time) which surely cant be bad thing that particular day. We do deserve to do something special that day though, all of us :)

Sonya - Your poor DH having his brother say such an insensitive thing, people should think before they speak! To say our DH's are not fathers, or that we are not mothers, is just as absurd as saying if you have a live child who passes young you are not a parent anymore - it is ridiculous. I think I would cry so hard if anyone said that to me, I spend all my time trying to justify to people that I AM STILL A MUM because I know they dont see it that way, although I know that truth and most importantly our angels know the truth and this is all that matter.

Well I know I will be thinking of each and every one of us who have said goodbye to our babies a Happy Mother's Day on the 13th, as hard and sad as it may be we deserve it. We are all mothers and we all love our angel children just as much as any mother loves their earth children.

Mel reading the original post and making my post had me bawling as well :hug:

I look at Jack and think it too me 5 long years and 4 precious angels to get to have him in my arms (ok here I go again) :lol:...........breath

I hope it doesn't take you guys that long to hold precious healthy bundles in your arms

Ok this forum should have a tissue warning. I am surprised I can see what I am writing. :cry:

Rach: Thanks so much for sharing that poem. Although it took me a while to get through it was so touching.

Sonya: I can't even explain how angry and upset I would be if anyone ever told me I wasn't a mother or DH wasn't a father, I think I would clock them one. I am glad your DH put him in his place what an upsetting thing to experience.

Well I am so glad you started this thread Lynn. I too have been dreading Mother's day. DH is going to be home at least (he works away for those of you who don't know).

I got home this afternoon and there was a package in the mail for me from Mum and Dad. I knew they were sending it and that it was for Mothers day. Mum and Dad are going overseas on Monday so they wanted it to arrive in time.

Well I opened it, I just couldn't face doing it on Mothers day and it is a beautiful gold bracelet with a loveheart locket and a 'H' Charm. I have been balling ever since. I was such a beautiful gift, I will cherish it for ever but it was so very upsetting at the same time. I just feel so confused,it is so final. I can't bring myself to put it on. I JUST WANT MY BABY!!! Why was he taken from me?

I am sorry but I just can't seem to get it together.

I think I am going to be one of those crying in bed all day. I'll try to do something but I just don't think I have the strength...

lv Spring

Hi everyone

Just a quickie....

Spring - sending you hugs for Harry's 7-month birthday on Sunday - I will be in Taupo for the weekend and will have no access to a computer from tomorrow morning (gulp!) but I wanted you to know I would be thinking of you all :hug:

Mel - I posted earlier to you on Georgie's thread, not sure if you will have seen it, but the same love and thoughts for Nicholas' 8-month birthday on Saturday, take care of you xxx:hugs:

Much love
Alex
xxxx

SPRING - how beautiful (and emotional) that your parents got you something so thoughtful and memorable. how sad for anyone to have gone through this, but its nice to know some of us have loving family support. unfortunately DH and i had very little understanding from his family. i was in and out of hospital with floyds pregnany, the last one was 3 1/2 weeks over xmas and new years until the day i was induced to have him as i was losing to much blood and was at risk of clotting. MIL knew he had little chance of survival as he had minimal liqua around him since 15 weeks, but her heartless comment was that i wouldnt want a child thats blind, has deformities or mental retardation. she should have learnt when to keep her opinions to herself. they didnt even understand why DH took a whole day off of work for his memorial service with all the other little angel babies from that month!!!

sorry about the vent, its been 6 years now and the pain is as raw as an open wound. MIL and i are wonderful friends and she is a great grandma to my boys, but i can never forget hurtful comments at the worst ever time of my life. ( i mean it was 6 months before i could look at a newborn, let alone hold one)

Spring - that was a beautiful gift you received from your parents :hug: Harrison IS still with you, not the way we want but still here. He is everywhere you look and everywhere you are.

Caitlyn is always with me. Her spirit brings me cloudy days when I need her close (she was born in rain and a storm) and the full moon reminds me of her birth and existence (in a much nicer way these days) . A candle gives me a connection with her when I need it.

The first Mother's day was so very hard. DH bought me flowers and we spent the day together. I had the same poem Rach posted and cried a river of tears. You feel like you aren't really a mother and yet you believe that you are.

This year will be different. I will still mourn that my baby girl would be 18 months old, walking, talking, being a real little person. I will miss the cuddle I could have receieved and the special moments to share. This year though I will also have hope. Hope that this little boy will soon arrive safe and make my next Mother's Day a little more special rather than sad and a little more real rather than the illusion I feel it is.

Sunday May 13th is our day as much as anyone elses. We are mummys to very special babys. Special little angels to watch over us :grouphug:

Sonya you are a better person than me, I don't think I could ever forgive someone if they made comments like your MIL... Doesn't she know that a mother's love is unconditional so it doesn't matter how your child is, you will love them just the same. We knew that Harrison would possibly have disabilities (I hate that word) but I didn't care. He was my son.

Well I've had my meltdown, I just think I needed a good cleansing cry. DH rang and promised that we are going to do something special on Mothers Day. Now we just have to think of what to do.

My dogs are both curled up at my feet snoring their heads off which always brings a smile to my face. They were really concerned when I was crying before, it was very cute.

Oh well, tomorrow is another day, I am going to try to find something sweet in the fridge to see if that puts a smile on my dial.

Lv Spring

Rach - I am so glad you have little Jack there with you this Mother's Day, what a long journey... but I bet he is worth every single second of heartache. Katy will be with you on Mother's Day as well, but Jack will have to be the the big :hugs:

Spring - Wow your parents are so amazing, what a beautiful present! I cant think of anything more perfect, I can understand the emotions it brings up but it really is such a special present. Big :hug: for you.

Michelle - Of course you have mixed emotions, your little boy will never replace Caitlyn and therefore you will always hurt over what you miss out on.

Sonya - Dont apologise for your vent... 6 years may seem along time to everyone else but I bet you feel like Floyd was inside your belly only yesterday. And regardless of whether you had problems through your pregnancy or not does not take away the pain you feel, you still lost your child and I believe that pain will stay around for ever.

Actually I emailed a copy of an article to Lynn recently that my sis found in Women's Weekly and it by the mother of the blue Wiggle (?Anthony) and she has about 5 kids now but lost a little girl 50 years ago and she talks about the emotions she still feels about her little one to this day, its a really good article and it made me realise we are never gonna forget - nor do we want to.

Alex - Thanks so much for your wishes on Saturday, I really appreciate it :)

Ciao, Mel

P.S. If anyone wants a couple of that article let me know and I will email it.

my dogs were and still are my comfort. maybe (weather permitting) you should take your dogs to a park or beach and have a picnic or light lunch.

sonya :hug: I too had to suffer like that, my hubby's maternal nan still will not acknowledge Katy as our daughter, refers to Jack as our first born etc, 6 weeks after we had had Katy and had her cremated she ask why did I use the name Katy Rose, and I (quote) you said you always wanted that for your first daughter, and I said well Katy is my daughter and always will be my first and she said again (quote) no I mean one that counts :wall: Jase mum hates me talkign about Katy and thinks it is wrong that I talk to Jack about her :wall:

everyone tried to say its her generation but my gran who is 17 years older still talks about Katy and the other day mum and her were doing a list of grans female decendants and she kept saying dont forget Katy

:wall: it doesn't matter how far along we were when we gave birth to our babies they will and always are our first born in many of our cases and pfffffft to anyone who thinks differently

That sounds like a lovely idea Sonya, the dogs love going in the car and then taking them for a walk somewhere new and different. Although a picnic would be quite interesting, I'm not sure if they would leave us alone long enough to eat (lol)

Anyway, I'm off to bed, all that crying has made me really tired.

Nighty Ni
Lv Spring

So much for bed, I just saw your post Rach and was disgusted. Of course Katy is your first born daughter. She always will be. I am so glad that you talk to Jack about her. I will be telling this baby all about their amazing big brother Harrison.

Big :hugs: to you.

Now I really better go to bed before I start with all the S#&T my MIL has said and done over the last 7 months.

Lv cranky poo Spring.