Telling friends and family

Hi Everyone,

I am 12 weeks today and am going for the nuchal scan next Friday so will be able to tell everyone our very exciting news next weekend.
But I have a big concern, I have a very close girlfriend of mine who has been TTC for well over 2 1/2 years now, she's on IVF and having a really tough time at the moment. I am so unsure of how to break our news to her and I guess I just wanted some opinions from anyone else who has been in this situation. I know she will be happy for us but it breaks my heart to tell her after all she has been through. Especially considering that I've had endo for the past 5 years with two laps and was convinced that I would take a long time to fall preganant but in actual fact only went off the pill last September. It's so hard and just makes me nervous about next week. Any advice would be much appreciated.

Thanks

I am assuming your friend knows you were TTC. I had a similar sit with my 1st and 2nd, close friend had been TTC and on IVF for about 3 years. We lived close and they loved being "auntie and uncle" to my DD(they got in as much practice as they could), luckily we both conceived at approx. the same time with our DS's so you can imagine how happy we both were. You just have to remain supportive of her needs and feelings and everything will work out.

Hi Jess,

Firstly THANK YOU for showing concern for how your friend will feel. This is also a difficult time for you too and i know how it can effect friendships.

I am a LT TTC er (nearly 4 years!) and it is enervatable that friends and family are starteding to fall pg, at first it is a little hard.

I know that you need to tell your friend and i cant tell you how she is going to take the news but my thoughts are with you, and im sure she will be happy for you, please let her deal with it in her own way.

When my friend have been pg, sometimes their really good and dont complain about it in front of me all the time, but i do understand that having MS all the time cant be fun.

All i can say is i hve my ups and down days and they understand when i not wanting to join them out sometimes

GL hun and congrats on your pg

Hi Jess
I'm with Lou...it so wonderful that you are sensitive to your friends journey. Like Lou we have been trying for over eight years...I have at times had incredibly insensitive preg announcements which have truely broken my heart...for me...the most considerate was a girl at work who simply chose a quiet moment..didn't make a big deal just said..."i Have some news...I really don't know how to tell you...but it's really important to me that I tell you myself...etc" She acknowledged my journey and how unfair it is...which was really nice...I think it depends on the day and where the person is at...it's a really difficult one...best of luck!

I agree with Ellie, I think it would be best to make sure you get her on her own to tell her. My worst one finding out was earlier this year when we were about to do another IVF cycle and my brother was having a bd party. All my SIL family already knew they were pg and were saying little things so I had my suspicions then my mum just said to me in front of everyone!!!!! I was quite miffed and more than a little upset. My brother later on got me on our own to tell me but it was too late (he didnt know that).
My advice it let her know before others start saying things caust this news travels FAST! she may be upset for herself but will be happy for you and really grateful you have been so sensitive to her.
GL

i'd have to agree with everyone else - making the effort to speak to your friend before news gets around is prety important. i've found that finding out that someone is pregnant second hand or in a group of people just wrecks me big time (and it's happened a lot - probably a dozen times in the space of a 3 months) - i have a friend that knows of my struggle, and when she reached the point where she was ready to share, she came over and told me over a cuppa - she asked me how i felt, how much i wanted to be involved in her journey, and was brilliant about it - i felt terrible at the time, and just wanted to cry, but at the same time i was so happy for the friend. we left it a week or so for me to process things, and then had a chat about how involved i wanted to be (ie did i want to hear all the milestones, or not) - she is now half way through her pregnancy, and i am "involved" in that she'll tell me when she's going out for u/s or tests if we're talking, but doesn't go out of her way to say Hey, this is where i'm at iykwim?

i think you're one of a group of very admirable ladies that cares about how your friend will respond and i think it's wonderful that you're making the effort to make sure you don't hurt her feelings. good luck with telling her - and good luck with your pregnancy - hope it's a happy and healthy one for you!

You know her and how she will react definately tell her on her own though and say that you don't want it to ruin your friendship because you understand it willbe very hard for her. Doesn't always work the response I got was "I'm jealous, I really hate you right now and I want you to get out" and has only spoken to me once since. Just try to be understanding and not take it personally if they don't react too well to your happy news.