confused mum

this is my little dilemma...

When ds was 6mths old DH and I decided to start trying for number 2, then i freaked out about not being able to cope and told dh i didn't want any more babies. When ds was 9mths old we started trying again, then again after 2 months of trying i freaked out and said no more babies and went back on the pill.

ds just turned 1 and i am clucky again and think i am ready to try again, the only thing is i am worried about messing dh's feelings around again as i've already said yes and no twice i don't want to do it to him again. Last time i said no to more babies he said he would perfer ds to not be an only child, but he was also very happy with just ds if that was what i wanted.

i guess i just have the guilts about possibly letting dh down a third time if i freak out again. ithought about maybe just stopping taking the pill and surprise dh with a pregnancy as this is what he wants, but i just don't think i could hide anything from.

have any of you had similar feelings about trying again??? Just needing a bit of reasurrance that im not the only freaky mum.

Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, you're not the only freaky mum.

I KNOW I'm not ready for another baby yet so the rule in our house is, "If it's not on, it's not on!". I would love another baby sometime though, so every once in a while I tell DH that I think I might be ready soon and then a few days later (usually after a bad night when DD hasn't let me sleep) I change my mind. We have now set a date for when we will start trying again (not telling when;) ) and I'm sure that even if we happen to fall pregnant straight away I will be ready for a new baby by the time he/she arrives.

IMO it's not fair for you to be messing your husband around but I'm sure that if you talk to him and explain your feelings he'll understand.

thankyou for your very honest answer, and goodluck with ttc, whenever that may be!