Difficulties BDing

Hi all,

Just wanted to vent a little frustration into the BB cyber space.

I am currently in my ovulating period (yesterday and today) but due to the stress of it all my husband was unable to become aroused last night no matter what I or he did...thus there was no BDing and may not be tonight either.

I just don't know how to deal with this. I know it sounds totally unreasonable and harsh but I was so angry at him and can't seem to fight this feeling. I think I was just upset because he seems to be able to do it (or want it at least) at any other time but can't when we need him to the most. This usually does happen but my normal reaction is to just ignore it and then it generally passes. But this time I just can't seem to do that. After all this time and numerous tests we can't do the one thing that is in our control.

Has anyone else had the same problem? I know there is not allot we can do other than relax but has anyone got any ideas?

Thanks guys!

I had that problem with my ex during our 8.5 years of TTC. Due to this I stopped focussing on it in general and stopped telling him when I thought I was Oing, that way he didn't have a clue that it was the right time to BD. Sneaky I know, but I think possibly the only way. Lots of men feel under pressure to "perform" around O and they don't like it. I hope this helps you.

Rara,
yes we also have that problem. My DH has to want to do it and when he knows he "has to" that just turns him off. My fertility specialist says it is best to do it 2 or 3 times a week when you are TTC, don't just concentrate on what should be the "right time" as the right time just puts too much pressure on. She has had male patients become impotent because of pressure to perform. That would be really awful so I have done what Satya suggested and just not told him when the right time was but just made sure that I made the atmosphere in the house as loving as possible around the right time eg. massages.
My DH suggested to me to get a calendar and mark on it the right week so he can look at the calendar and "know" rather than me feeling like I am putting him under pressure and him feeling under pressure.
It is not an unusual situation, so try not to get upset with him. I know that is hard as I have certainly got angry as well but after my FS told me the thing about impotency I don't get angry. I bet he is feeling worse about it than you are so maybe talk to him about what would help him.

Thanks girls. That's made me feel allot better knowing that other people have that issue too!

I think I am just feeling frustrated at myself as the problem isn't with him as he has had a few tests and they have all come up trumps but the problem appears to lie with me however we don't know what it is as again everything is coming up perfectly normal.

He's pretty cluey when it comes to when I am Oing as we have been doing this for some time now but maybe it is definately a good idea to let him know what "week" it should be happening and let him gauge or take control as to how much (or how little) he can do.

Thanks again sweeties :hug:

Hey Rara

Yep...we had this problem too! After LTTTC, I think it's incredibly difficult to not feel the pressure and frustration...

We solved it by my DH going on an equivalent of viagra....made such a huge difference...our FS prescribed them and they were just brillant!!! Lasted for about 48 hours I think...enough time to take all the pressure off to BD in the "ovulation window"...I think the tablets were called cialis (or something like that!)

We had a good laugh about it...(think that was the only way we got through it, really!)

Oh...and the very good news...we got our first BFP with these little wonders!!! I am now 27 weeks!

Hey Monnie,

That is fantastic. Very very happy for you indeed! I love hearing success stories. Please let me know how it is all going cause us girls have a very special thing in common! Hard work and patience :lol:

Have a feeling tho that I already ov yesterday. We were able to BD on Sunday night so hopefully those little spermies were patient too :whip:

Congrats again!

Wishing you all the very best Rara...

You are so right...hard work and patience! We were TTC for 3 years and it was just so tough at times...I was always worried that our struggles with TTC would "taint" the joy of pregnancy...but not at all! The pregnancy has been going really well...and I'm amazed at how those TTC years of struggle and hardship, feel so worth it now!

Wishing you a most wonderful success story too! I'm sure it will happen!

Thanks Monnie.

No I don't imagine the long wait would taint the pregnancy in anyway. I am imagining me being very relieved however when it does happen...just thinking...thank god that is over!!! Some ppl don't know how good they got it with falling pregnant within 1 or 2 months of trying that's for sure!

One lady on here fell pregnant when they stopped BDing so much...maybe it might happen to us this time....stranger things have happened. Usually by now we would have done it 3 or 4 times in the last 2 days!

All the best with your lil bub Monnie!

Take care xxoo