No Heartbeat

Well today my heart is broken again...pregnancy number 5....we got a little further this time and saw our little one on scan...then today as I held DH hand we saw the same picture as we did a week ago...nothing had changed...our little one has left us...I will never forget the look on DH face...I feel so empty...and I can't fight this feeling that I just want to go to hospital have a D&C and it all be over...I need this to end...and to top things off my boss totally cracked it when I called to say I need time off work...it really was the last straw...it doesn't matter if your 10 weeks prenant or 10 days pregnant the love you have for your child the moment you know it exists is intense and real...how does asking "how far along were you" help...does it determine the amount of grief one is allowed to feel...does that help people gage how long they have to 'deal' with me...people are strange...very strange...I don't know what I'm supposed to do now...I've swept the floor twice...wiped the kitchen bench down a few times...walked around the house for a bit...what do I do now???? I thought burning the pregnancy magazines and every piece of baby stuff in the house...not that there's much...I guess I get through now..and worry about what happens next when it happens...I wouldn't wish this on anyone...thanks for listening.

Ohhhh sweety I am soooo very sorry.
Huge Hugs... Please don't burn anything, it will happen for you one day.

Ellie - i'm so sorry to read of your loss.:hug:

Ellie - honey I am so sorry for the loss of your precious little one. A loss is a loss and the love for a child is endless whether you are 1 day or 100 days pregnant. Take your time to grieve sweety and all the feelings you have now are all part of that process.

Sending you big hugs, and we are all here anytime you need to vent or just want to chat. :hugs:

Lisa

Ellie I'm so sorry...

Ellie

So sorry to hear you have lost your baby, yet again. I hope you find some answers as to why this is happening...there has to be a reason !!! I does hurt no matter how far you are - people just don't understand. But don't worry about that - just take care of yourself - that is what is important !

Sending you lots of hugs.

I am so sorry for your loss. People who have not been through it seem to think that it should only matter if you were a good way along, they just don't understand how it actually is.

When I reach the depths of despair I also clean, so just keep going with it. When you feel a little calmer grab yourself a book you haven't read and try to lose yourself in it, I also find that this works.

Ellie I am so sorry to hear you lost your baby :hug: - yes I agree 100% with tommysmum ... I couldn't have said it better .Please take care of yourself

Ellie - i wish there was something profound i could say here to help = but the reality is that this just sucks! i'm so sorry hun

i'm sure people who've never experienced that longing for a child, knowing they are going to be parents, and then the trauma of losing that hope - no matter how far along - are just clueless! they have no idea at how much pain you feel as your heart breaks

take care of yourself - give yourself time to grieve, and take things one step at a time.

hugs

Ellie I too, am really, sorry for your loss once again. you deserve so much better than what you have gone through and are going through.... you will get through this just takes time like everything i suppose... i'm sorry i can't relate however i am very sorry. :(
:hugs: take care

Ellie, I am so sorry that you have lost your precious baby. A loss is a loss no matter what stage you are at in your pregnancy. Unfortunately until you experience a loss people just don't understand. I hope you can find some answers. Thinking of you and your DH :hugs:

I know you're hearing this alot but I'm so sorry for yet another loss for you. It breaks my heart reading what you're going through & what you have been through. I have had 2 miscarriages, one being at 10 weeks also & needing the D&C. I will say a prayer for you & your husband & hope the pain eases soon.

I don't know what tests if any you've had to find a reason behind the losses but I saw on a show the other night about a woman who needed a cervical stitch to allow her to carry to full term as she too was having nothing but miscarriages. I dont know if this could help you but its certainly worth mentioning to the doctor if you haven't already checked for this problem.

You're definately in my thoughts,

:hugs: Danielle

Oh Ellie...that is just so so awful! It just seems so cruel!

I just hope that you have incredible support and love around you both to sustain you at this most difficult time.

I truly pray that one day your most precious dreams become beautiful realities...

Thinking of you chickie!

Oh Ellie, I am so sorry to hear your news.

I was so happy for you when I heard things were going well and feel totally devastated for you now. It really makes no difference how far along you are, losing a baby at any stage is a devastating experience.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. I am thinking of you :hug:

Bun xx

Ellie, I am so very sorry you have lost your precious bub. It is such a traumatic experience and you should be able to take time off from work without that sort of pressure from your boss. :angry:

Don't burn your pregnancy magazines or baby things. Put them away for now (like I have done with mine). Thinking of you and sending you lots and lots of hugs. :hugs:

Ellie, this is such sad news. Hoping you find the strength to get through it. We know exactly how you are feeling so are here anytime you need. Hugs to you & DH.

Ellie,

Sorry, I am back again. I just can't stop thinking about you and your loss, sweetie. You just don't deserve this. I know it is probably too early to be thinking about this, but have you had the full m/c workup? (I am sure you have, but I guess I just want to be able to help you so much). Does your FS have a plan? I am sure you are dealing with things one step at a time, and will deal with the next step when you are ready, I just want to be able to help you. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you. I also know of an excellent psychologist who deals with this area, if you don't already have one.

I am thinking of you sweetie.

Bun xx

Thanks girls...I'm feeling a bit better...spoke to the clinic again this afternoon and my levels are still going up...they said it could take up to 4 weeks to mc because my progesterone is still 400...so I've asked if I can have a D&C...I can't walk around for 4 weeks waiting to bleed...I'm just not doing that...am I crazy???? They've siad my FS will talk to me tomorrow. Thanks again for your support.