Panic and LPD

Hi,

I've been hanging around in other threads, probably not wanting to join this thread hoping that this month would be my BFP and I wouldn't have to, but no. AF is here (day 2) and I feel wasted.

So sad, and worried and feeling useless. Frightened that my beautiful lost little baby (38w stillborn) was my only chance at happiness.

6 months on and my periods have finally become regular (ish 30-32 days) and charting and OPK's indicate I've ovulated and I've been DTD at the 'right' time and then this month, it appears my luteal phase has shrunk to about 8-9 days which (Google tells me) indicates a luteal phase defect. My normal 30-32 day cycle shrunk to 27 this month. Why? My luteal phase was fine last month. Why is it so short this month?

So, not only did I not get a BFP I'm also now worried that I have some sort of progesterone issue which caused my to bleed early this month.

I believe I ovulated on CD19 (as I got a +ve OPK on CD18) and my cycle was only 27 days long.....too short a luteal phase to permit implantation, so the books say.

Can you have one irregular month and then be OK or do I need to see a Doctor?

How do you all cope when those BFN come up month after month. I feel like I'm going to be miserable for days.

I hate my body. My useless body that doesn't work properly. I'm so very sad.

Hoping someone can talk me down off the ledge as things just look so bleak today.

Nicole.

you know what? its okay to have a bleak day. thats just fine. sometimes its an essential way to combat stress, you know?
but i just want to quietly celebrate your beautiful body. it breathes magnificent air, it beats its own heart, how generous, how clever, how amazing! i trust you walk and can run and see gorgeous sunsets with your amazing eyes. your body is an amazing marvel that grew a beautiful baby to 37 weeks and can do it again in a heartbeat. even the most fertile women dont have cycles like clockwork, dont worry about that, dont hold this amazing body to some intellectual standard today.. know that its brilliant, working perfectly, and preparing to give you a baby very soon. and maybe you can give it a little thank you when you feel better.
BIG hugs to you, h

HI Nicole... :hugs: I can hear from your post how down you are feeling and I am sorry. I truly understand how it feels.
You can have one whacky cycle without having an LPD - but it's really great that you have your eye on it. I developed a LPD after my losses and I was treated effectively with clomid. What I would recommend with this next cycle is that you use those opk's again and count 8 days from your positive and have a progesterone level done. This will give a good indicator. You can go to your gp to request this. If you do have an issue I would see an obs asap. It is quite normal to take at least 6 months for your body to get back in the swing of things after birthing. It's so frustrating and it's so painful... :hugs:

I hope that helps some. You could join all of the wonderful women TTC after stillbirth/recurrent miscarriage in the chatter thread HERE if you would like. You will get so much support as you go about this journey... :hug:

Nicole - :hug: I hear everything you are saying. I am so sorry that you got a bfn and the wicked witch has arrived.

I know it doesn't take away the pain that you are feeling now but there are a few of us that are struggling to conceive following the loss of our babies. I lost my son Cooper at 37 weeks and it is nearly his 6 month birthday. We have been TTC pretty much straight away after we lost him. I haven't been ovulating so it has been very hard to fall pg so I know the frustrations. You have this desire, desperation to be pg again and it consumes you. Just know that we are all here to support and guide you on this journey.

Getting a bfn every month is heartbreaking but you need to pick yourself up and think positive that it is going to happen next month. Use opk's and have a bt like Deb suggested to monitor your prog.

I know the feeling of hating your body and feeling sick that you are stuck inside a body that you hate because it just doesn't work. You need to believe that your body will work and that it will carry another beautiful baby and you will have that baby, screaming in your arms. You need to believe and you need to stay positive. Please come and join us in the TTC thread. We would love to have you there.

Take care :hugs:

Nicole: I am so sorry for you loss sweetie. The other ladies are totally right, it is ok to have bad days but just know that tomorrow is a new day.

I think everyone has offerred some really good news about how to deal with a possible LPD. You seem like you are doing the right thing tracking Ovulation and I think that the Blood Test Flowerchild mentioned sounds like a really good idea. It will make you feel like you have a plan and are being proactive.

Just know that we are here for you hun and you can feel free to tell us when you are having a really bad day so that we can help lift you up.

Big :hugs:
Lv Spring