Why does it still bother me so much??

HI Girls, I wasn't sure where to post this but thought this was the best place.

I am 18 weeks prg after a pretty hard time ttc this bub and as I'm sure you would all understand perfectly, am over the moon!

I found out today that my SIL is prg again and I'm upset about it. Not as upset as I would have been before we fell prg ourselves, but i'm still upset. By way of background, this is her 4th prg, she has one DS who is 1 and had a m/c last year. I'm sure you can work out what happened with the other.

I guess i'm angry because to her making babies is just a blase thing for her to do. When she m/c last year, it was a non event, she was not in the least upset because as I was told "she definately didn't want it". Oooookay then!! So what's changed in 6 months? Nothing from what I can see. Financial situation is the same (not great), relationship is the same (even worse).

She struggles with her DS as it is and relies VERY heavily on my MIL for help. No exaggeration, she is at MIL's probably 4 out of 7 days, all day. He sleeps there quite regularly and if he's sick, he goes straight to MIL's and she doesn't even stay there with him, she goes back home to sleep and leaves him there. It's really just a joke.

I'm also upset because our babies will only be 3 months apart. She did this last time too, although she waited till DD was born and saw how wrapped my PIL were and within a month was prg herself. It just would have been nice for this little bubba to have had the limelight with PIL for a while, and that won't happen now.

Am I always going to feel like this now? Will that awful feeling of finding out someone is prg so easily and without much thought always be there?

It's not just SIL, I found out another friend is prg last week and although to a MUCH lesser degree, it still bothered me.

I feel like a terrible person for feeling this way. I should just be grateful that my baby is healthy (and I AM very grateful) and not worry about others but I can't help it. I'm hoping getting it off my chest here will make me feel better and make it go away.

Anway, just wanted to get all this out.

Willow, I don't think you will always feel the way you do, but I think with your SIL, it is made worse by the fact you know her situation kwim? Maybe the last time she m/c really was a blessing for her but this time she may be feeling differently about it (trying to patch the relationship etc).

I have been incredibly fortunate myself, but I still get the irrits up when I see someone who appears to be having babies willy-nilly too, so you are not alone in that, but I think it is hard for you to completely let go of the immediate thoughts you used to have upon hearing someone's pg announcement when you yourself were still trying. Does that make sense to you?

I totally understand Willow, i think id be the same too if it was my SIL. One of my best friends is pg (3 days apart) and she had a m/c too but got pg within 3 months of that, while I was still ttc a year on after loosing my first bub and having a second loss in between, so although I was happy for her, I was still a little flustered at how quickly she got pg again. And not long ago she was saying to someone I know, 'oh I got pg straight away after my m/c, i am so fertile'. And that really p'd me off!!

I still have those feelings of 'urgh, look how easy it was for them' but those feelings do fade away sweets and dont worry your precious lil bub will have his/her time to shine with the PIL. They love all their grandbabies, each one in a different way.

Hope your feelig better now that you have gotten it off your chest,
Lisa

Willow - I understand how you feel. My sister fell pregnant without difficulty, is heavier than me and had no issues with diabetes, high blood pressure or any difficulty with birth / labour etc.

Me ..... long term TTC with eventual succes with clomid. Fast forward to Caitlyn's stillbirth at 25 weeks. TTC for another 10 months with eventual success with clomid on cycle 6. Now with this pregnancy needing clexane (then being allergic to it :rolleyes:), aspirin, insulin for GD and a transverse baby with me looking down the barrel of a c-section when all I want is a natural birth. Arrrrrgh!!!!

I love my sister dearly but there are just times when she really has no idea. Said I was "terrified" of a c-section the other day. I did correct her (probably a little harshly but still ....) and reminded her my main concerns relate to not being able to drive and not having any close family near by (parents and sister are 6 hours away).

It is always hard for me to hear about those that fall pregnant easily - more so if they are not aware of exactly how lucky they are. Those who do but are empathetic towards the difficulties of others don't seem to irritate me so much.

This became a little vent for me (sorry) but you aren't alone and it isn't wrong to feel that way. Your history with your SIL will make it worse for you. Just remember - your baby is special and loved no matter what other babies are born :hug:

I'm just going to retract what i just said....

Thank you Catherine, I have a feeling it was probably something I don't need to hear, so I appreciate it.

Willow,
I would say that I would feel exactly the same after LTTTC/AC. You invest so much time, effort, emotions etc into creating a beautiful baby that is part of yourself and your husband, and some other people just come along and do it for no other reason than that they just can!

My DH and I were chatting about this the other day, how there are people in our lives that have babies for no particular reason except their cute and awww...people make a fuss over them and you...... then they grow up to be 5,6 and older and the novelty wears off. Disgusting, I know, but we have friends/family like that. It seems like they just pop a kid out but don't really care.

Lots of hugs...in all honesty, I would probably feel the same.

Nic

Willow, I understand exactly how you feel. A friend emailed me the other day to announce that she was pregnant again. She has 3 kids. She had a termination last year (husband didn't think he could cope?????) and a M/C at 12 weeks (blighted ovuum) earlier this year. I felt so angry when I read the email and I don't even know why.
Just rest assured, you are not alone feeling this way.

Love and big hugs,
Debbie

P.S. I am doing well.

Hey Debbie! So glad to hear you're doing well sweetie. I think about you often!

Thanks girls, you've made me feel like less of a monster. Still wish all these yucky feelings would go away once and for all. Maybe one day.

Hi Willow

Sometimes I still get the feelings I had when I was ttc even though I am now 28+ weeks. My sister just gave birth to her 3rd child (was an oops pregnancy) last week and even though I was really excited for her I got really sad and even felt jealous that she had a baby. I had to keep reminding myself that I was pregnant and going to have my own baby soon. I guess when you have had those feelings for so long its hard to let them go.

I am sure once I have this little baby those feelings will lessen even more.

hi Willow,

I think you will find that most of us LTTTC feel like this. It is something that others who didn't have trouble conceiving can only ever empathise with but never truly understand. Even if you are pregnant or had your children I feel like the strong feelings related to LTTTC fade but are always there.

We, your fellow LTTTC 'sisters' understand completely where you are coming from and that is the beauty of a site like this were you can share your feelings and know that someone out there knows exactly how you feel and somehow that makes it better.

Congratulations on your pregnancy , your little one will be a much loved and wanted addition to your family and that ultimately is what counts.

Mich