would it be so bad to be a SAHM?

hi girls,

I'm thinking of resigning from work. I have worked throughout my years with pregnancy and children, studied too. I'm a midwife, currently working night shift part time. While this doesn't directly impact on my time with the kids, it does, IYKWIM. I am always tired. If I work ND my DH has to leave late and therefore he gets home late too and I feel as though I haven't seen him for days on end. My workplace has been so good to me over the years and I feel as though I am letting them down when I have to call in sick for the babies (specifically Ivy).

I'd love to hear from other Mums who have worked with kids and then decided it would be better for all concerned to be a SAHM. It's a weird feeling and a confusing place to be for me, who has always had the required time off and then gone back after a baby.

My heart is just not in it though and as Ivy and Noah are my last babies, I guess I want to be there for them for as long as possible.

Hugs Tiggy... I am one of those mums that decided to leave the workforce and be a full time mum. I know how draining nd is - I too studied, worked and did it all so it didn't impact on my kids. Last year I decided that enough was enough. I LOVE IT!!!

I am fortunate that DH has a well paid job - but the down side is I don't like not earning my own money. DH never makes me feel like that but I feel like it! I have always worked and therefore earned - that takes some getting used to.

I still dabble here and there but now I do what I want on my terms.

Give it a try Tiggy - maybe take a leave of absence and see how you go...

My bubs is only 5 months so I don't have much experience to draw on. Can you take a year's leave from work to give it a trial? My DH has cut his work back this year to see what it's like spending more time at home and having a bit less money. I believe you need to follow your heart and things will work out...it sounds like you know in your heart what you want to do.
xo

Hi Tiggy,

All I could do is encourage you to give up work. Where else would you rather be (awake) but to be giving everything you had (not what is left over) to your precious children. While the work can be monotonous at times, I have found it to be much more rewarding than work (nursing). I miss being at work still but would not go back until my kids are ready (during school hours).

I went through a whole "identity crisis" thing but have found that I am a mother first and most importantly. They are worth all of my care. My career can now wait.

All the best with your decision,

Lynnette x

:hug: Tiggy, if you would rather be at home then that's where you should be. If a leave of absence is possible then maybe doing what the other girls suggested and giving it a try is worthwhile.
They grow up soo fast and it won't be long before they're in school - maybe then you can re-assess your sitaution.
Whatever desicion you make needn't be permanent - you can always change your mind if it isn't making you and your family happy.

Hi Tiggy, you are a fantastic mum, whether you are working or not.
I reckon if you can manage it, stay home with the kids. (But not home all the time, lest you go nuts, LOL) Come out with Natty and I sometime :)
I realise there's a lot of pressure on you professionally to keep up with what's going on in your line of work, so it really is a tough call.
But I think you'd get so much out of spending the time with Ivy and Noah particularly...
Then when they're older you can start your own private business :D

Tiggy,
I am giving up my acreer in 4ish wks time to be at home with my 2 littlies...
I will return to a job (not sure what yet) but no responsibilities not running Dept, not on call 24/7 etc & I am only working 8 til midnight. My Dh doesnt earn good money (I currently do) but I dont care I want to be with my kids & I can give up a few hours sleep to have the time with my babies!
So I think my 4hours at night is totally doable for us...

But if I didnt have to work at all I'd be much more thrilled but for now this will work...

You do whatever will work for you guys!!!

Hi Tiggy

I went back to work when my DS#1 was just 4 months old, the difference being i didn't really have a job - i had been temping at a place and become friends with my boss and she rang me and said there was work if i wanted it. I'd been having a pants time being a sahm that i leapt at the chance and worked 4 days per week. When i was 10 weeks pregnant with #2 i got a full time permanent position (rare as hens teeth in Townsville) - i'd told them i was preggy at the final interview but assured them that i knew i wasn't a sahm type so wouldn't need much time off). They were very good to me giving me time off work when osc was sick but in the end i realised i hardly saw him. i dropped him off at 7.15am and picked him up at 5.30ish and after 4 months i thought this was just a waste if time me having a child as the child care workers knew him better than me. Then dh got offered a job in Perth so i told my work i wouldn't be going back after bubs #2. For saying how much i hated being a sahm when Osc was a baby i totally love it now. Don't know what the difference was but i can't imagine going to work now until they are at school. At least your work hasn't meant you have seen less of your kiddies but you must be so tired.

So what i'm trying to say (not very well and in a very rambly way) is that i don't think you'll know unless you give it a go. Don't know if you'd be able to give it a trial and then go back if you like. but like you said, if Ivy and Noah (gorgeous names btw) are your last - they grow up soooo quick and i bet you could quite easily get back into your career after a break.

Good luck what ever you decide

Julie x

Tiggy, I am working PT at the moment and will go back to work again after Little One is born, but that is only because I have a DH who is prepared to (essentially) be our children's main carer. But still my career is "suffering" because I am not there full time, but that is ok because I think of the song "Turn, Turn, Turn" (or the passge from the Bible, if you are religious) - for every thing there is a season and a time unto heaven. There is a time to work and one to be home, and what you do now doesn't need to dictate the next 20 years of your life. Do what feels right for you and your family :)

Oh Tiggy big :hugs:,

I take my hat off to you! This must be a big decision for you and i can see you are stuck in between two things you love alot (the kids and being a midwife).

How do you decide? Toss a coin maybe (just joking! hope no offence taken.);)

My suggestion is that maybe you can talk to your boss/manager and ask if you can reduce your days/hrs to be only once or twice a week first. The kids could maybe go into daycare or friends/family house for those days or if it is nights that you work maybe have the kids go to daycare the following day so you can get some rest at least. DH can look after them at night when you are at work.

If that doesn't work maybe ask for some parental leave or take some time off so that you can really decide and clear your head away from work. I am sure that your boss/manager will understand and i am sure you are an asset to the place you work so i can't see them saying no. I am sure they will tryto work something out with you so that everyone can benefit. :)

HTH

Jen

Wow,
Thanks girls for ll of your input and stories and suggestions. They really do help.
You are all amazing women!
I have an meeting tomorrow with a hospital closer to home to go on the casual pool. Not sure if this is what I want but feel it is a step in the right direction for me.
If I go casual, I will be able to work if I want (or if there are shifts available) at days and shifts that are appropriate. Also, if Ivy and Noah are sick, I can be at home or if there is other stuff going on I can be home too.
If I go casual then I won't feel guilty if I need to be home when i have been rostered on for work either.
I'm a bit nervous. I have worked in my hospital for a very long time, so a change is scary but it could be just what I need.
I'll let you know how I go.
Thanks again.

hi, just wanted to throw my two cents in. i went back to work 9 months after my first, two days per week and then 5 months after my second, three days per week. i have just started 12 months unpaid leave from my job as i am pregnant again and was finding having two kids, working and being pregnant too hard. i am loving being at home and its amazing how i am not really missing work at all.

a friend gave me some good advice when i was thinking of being a full time SAHM, she said work is just a train - people get on, people get off, the train keeps going, nothing changes, you can get back on later. i think that is so true and you dont realise till you get off the train how it really doesnt matter that you arent on it.

anyway, i have done both - worked and been a SAHM. At the moment, being a SAHM is really working for me so I recommend it if that's what you want to do.

Beccas

ps i should also say i have worked at my firm for 7 years, so i understand your feelings about leaving a place you have worked at for a long time. its scary but i think you will find the relief takes over once you actually make a decision and then implement it. i was so scared approaching my work to ask for unpaid leave for 12 months, now, I couldnt be happier and i truly feel i have made the right decision.

:

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All I could do is encourage you to give up work. Where else would you rather be (awake) but to be giving everything you had (not what is left over) to your precious children. While the work can be monotonous at times, I have found it to be much more rewarding than work (nursing). I miss being at work still but would not go back until my kids are ready (during school hours).

I went through a whole "identity crisis" thing but have found that I am a mother first and most importantly. They are worth all of my care. My career can now wait.

All the best with your decision,

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I have to agree but also second your idea of casual work ... I know you are a wonderful midwife but Ivy and Noah are growing up so fast and are so cute - how can you bear to be away from them. Plus the big kids are so busy I am ina we of how you manage to do it so well.

Beccas - train analogy is good too but I know midwifery is a little different -especially with management (NUM's & supervisors) -things do change and it can be scary returning after a long absence.

I wish you well my friend and knwo that whatever decision you make it will be the right one for you all at this time.

Life is too short as it is and these are maybe your last babies.;)