Desperately Seeking Advice - 9 wk bub

hello there
i am in desperate need of some help. my nine week old girl, Hollie, has stopped sleeping during the day unless I am holding her. She can be up from first thing in the morning and not have a sleep until late in the evening. I can see she is tired, well, over tired, but unless I am going to curl up on the couch with her and cuddle/hold her, she will not sleep.

She used to go down for naps and stay down, I would hold her until she slept and then put her down, if she woke up we would go again. Now I am having no luck whatsoever. I feel I have tried everything. I know about sleep cycles and have tried waiting til she is in a deep sleep, but still she wakes up. Tried putting her down awake and patting her, she cried for up to an hour and I gave up. I have been trying to follow a sleep, feed, play, then sleep routine but have also tried feeding her before her nap, offering a top up feed before, still no luck. I have even tried giving her a bottle of formula (am breast feeding), and still no luck. She isn't hungry, she just doesn't seem to want to sleep unless she is with mum.

The only time she goes down and stays down is last thing at night, she has her bath, then a feed, then will usually sleep for 4-5 hours. I have tried giving her a bath during the day too, to try to settle her but it doesnt seem to work. Have blacked out her windows so it is dark in her room too. We have a fisher price rocking swing thing, which can give me some relief for up to an hour, but other than that, I am left to either have an over tired baby that doesn't get enough sleep, or I have to hold her so she can get a good nap, which means I can't do anything and sometimes I won't have had a shower or anything to eat.

I have booked in to a Day Stay program in about two weeks, but until then, does anyone have any advice for me? I have tried everything my maternal child health nurse has suggested but still no luck. She (bubs) also seems to hate being in her pram too, and I can't seem to take her for a walk without her crying, as soon as mum picks her up she is okay.

Will this ever end?

*hugs* Emma it will end. Jovie went through unsettled days on end when I thought that was it. She wouldn't let me do anything.

My advice is hard to hear but throw out routines. Stop looking at what you "should" be doing and start doing what feels best. I would often have a sleep during the day with Jovie in bed next to me. I used a sling to be able to get washing up done and then didn't do much else but feed her and me the rest of the days. I closed my eyes to the washing and the floors and just tried to make it through the rough patches.

You are going really well... its very frustrating and tiring and hard to figure out why your baby isn't doing what they are supposed to be. But it passes after a while. And while those first 6 months feel like they will never stop, they do. And suddenly things get a bit easier. *hugs*

i am having the EXACT same problems!! Mason is perfect when my mum is around too..but she is working really long hours and already spends every spare second she can here. But never when i really need it :(

oops i was referring to mum as the third person so prob wasn't very clear, as in me, she only wants her mum - me, so it is becoming such a huge strain....

christy thanks that helps, i guess i am worried that by having a nap during the day with her and carrying her in a sling, i am somehow contributing to the problem by teaching her to only sleep when she is attached to me.... but at the same time i sort of think u have to do whatever it is u have to do at the time to get thru the day, and deal with any repurcussions at a later date if or when they arise....

its tough especially when the babies at my mums group just fall asleep on their own, I am in complete disbelief even though i see it in front of my very own eyes!

if i take her in bed with me i have to have her physically laying across my chest, like in a nursing position, she wont even sleep just next to me - is this weird?

Mason wont sleep next to me either, he must be held across my chest too

Sophia went through a similar stage when she was very young, she would only sleep if I held her or if she was lying next to me in bed. For a couple of months I simply sat comfortably reading a book or watching TV, or had a nap myself, or carried her in a sling. Then one day something made me try to put her down after she'd fallen asleep and she stayed! Over the next couple of weeks I slowly got her used to having all her sleeps alone. THat was a long time ago and she now has all her daytime sleeps on her own.

I think sometimes you just have to forget all the "rules" and advice and do what you have to do.

Just a thought from an inexperienced mum, if they only want to sleep across your chest, perhaps it is your heartbeat that soothes them. Have you tried one of the sleep cds that mimics the sounds in the womb?

huge hugs to you Emma! You are NOT alone. reading your post bought back so many memories. I agree with Christie throw out the routines and the advice from MCN and do whatever will work at the time. DS only used to sleep for 20 mins at a time during the day and that was never in bed it was either in his swing or being rocked in the stroller. As he had reflux i ended up hiring a hammock and he finally started sleeping again. When he was 9months he stopped sleeping day or night and i ended up having to walk him in the stroller for up to 1.5 hours to get him to sleep day and night then transfer him to his cot. As u have said doing this did get him into a bad habit but it worked at the time and we did end up teaching him to put himself to sleep. It feels like it will never ever end and u feel like a hopeless mum but your not we all go through it and at bubs first birthday you will look back and think how quickly the year has passed and how insignificant those sleepless weeks were.

Goodluck, you are Hollies mummy and only you know what is best for her, please don't worry about 'spoiling' her or teaching her bad habits, im sure she wont want you to rock her to sleep when she's 5 years old, it does end and you are doing a fantastic job, and you are doing all the right things xx

thanks guys, its amazing how much reading this helps. i have a 'sounds of the womb' teddy bear which goes off on movement or her cry, but it only plays for five minutes, i might have to try getting a cd, definitely.

actually hollie has a lot of the reflux symptoms and the doctor has given us zantac syrup, so i might start her on that and see if it makes any difference.... she does seem to be in discomfort alot of the times she is waking from her nap shortly after going down, and i think she likes being with me as if she stirs i will rub her back or pat her etc, so maybe it takes her mind of any discomfort associated with the reflux, well that is my theory anyway.

how old can the baby go in a hammock for? hmmm im wondering if she would like one. i just bought a new baby sling off ebay so hopefully that will be of assistance next week.

amazingly she actually slept for about three hours yesterday in her baby swing, unbelievable, so out of the ordinary that i kept on checking to see if she was breathing, hahaha.

Oh emma, big hugs to you... im with what Christy ssys... listen to ur special mummy instict.. the sooner i did this with Eden the better we were...
we wentt hru a massive patch of her only sleeping on me or whilst being held.. then i bought a HAB carrier and got some things done that way... i was like you and thought.. ooooo noooo she'll never sleep alone now.... But she does....
Babies have just come from ur tummy where it was warm and safe and snuggled, its a tuff world out here, shes just getting used to it. Give her what she needs and listen to your heart. You are doing a great job and things will seem clearer and easier as each day passes. Hope things improve lovey.
xoox

You can keep them in the hammock for ages, depending on the baby. Jovie was out of hers around 5 1/2 months, but I've known babies to stay in up to 10 months. They are fantastic for refluxy babes.

ETA: For some reason our society is hell bent on keeping babies from doing things naturally. We seem to be set on routines and fixated on what a baby "should" be doing. I get so angry when I hear people telling new mum's that their babies should be sleeping in a set routine. Whose routine is it?? Why do babies have to sleep in a cot?? Who said so? I'm sorry but I haven't seen any 12 yr olds sleeping in their cots or bassinets still or in their parents beds unless its okay by everyone. I have a neighbour who keeps telling me to finish breastfeeding.... I keep asking her "why? who says I should?" because all I can find is information on continuing breastfeeding. Opps... sorry for the rant.

that has actually been my biggest stress factor i think , people telling me what my baby should be doing.... ie having two to three big naps during the day of around three hours, so of course i completely freak out that mine doesnt do that. every baby HAS to be different so how can you pigeon hole them all into doing the exact same things.... its nuts and so unnecessary for a new mum to be bombarded with things the baby should be doing.

that said i am now dead keen to investigate a baby hammock, anyone know how much to hire and where from? (melbourne) she is asleep in her baby swing again (god bless that swing) so am thinking i just may have some luck with a hammock for day time sleeps.

i don't think im allowed to tell u where to hire a hammock from, but just look in your phone book under 'hire' and you will find some baby hire places there. They say bubs can sleep in a hammock til 12 months but it really depends on the baby. DS was out of the hammock at 5 months cause he was strong enough to turn himself over onto his stomach then he would get stuck, but if your bub isn't that restless u could prob keep her in it longer, ours was worth every cent. We paid $75 for either 3 or 6 months, i can't remember, it seemed like alot of money at the time but it was a godsend i would have paid $300 for it!! i just remembered that when he slept in the hammock i would also have to turn on the radio for him. Goodluck

Google baby hammock. Seriously.... I have the Amby hammock for Jovie & have passed it on to another BB member. It can not be the answer everyday, but it does help.

Big hugs Emma. I guess the only thing to say is that it will get better over time.

Priorities you and bubs. If you are feeling run down then you wont be producing as much milk...and that would just add to the nightmare. But on the plus side you have a beautiful healthy baby who wants nothing more than to be with you! This is her time to bond with you. Its hard to get things done but i dont think you want to miss out on this period either.

We went through the same thing with Ella, and now she looks at me and knows i will comfort her if she needs me. She now sleeps on her own and still from time to time likes me to rock her to sleep (which is fine by me)

Call family and friends to help clean, cook, come over to chat. I had ella sleeping on me and had a friend over for a quiet catch up.

Hope it improves for you soon.

Ann

Hi Emma
I have/had the same situation with my daughter. However she does have silent reflux which we later found out, before when she was lying down, the breastmilk would come up (even though we kept her upright after feed, burped etc), this caused a burning sensation and she would end up crying and crying.
I also have the fisher price swing, and she sat in there too for some time becuase it helped keep the acid down.
However Zantac has helped, and also feeding her on an angle and I have elevated her cot.
I also feed her in a pattern, I feed her from one boob, hold her upright, and then let her lying on the rocker upright and play with her, and then feed her again, this gives her a little relief. Granted no relief to me .

Hi Emma. I almost thought it was me posting! My little precious "angel" only sleeps during the day if she's on the couch next to me, with my arm under her head, so not only do we have to snuggle for hours on end on the couch, but I get a dead arm too!

Bella's over 3 months old now, and I would REALLY love for her to have a decent day time sleep so I can get stuff done! I tried the dummy yesterday and got around 40 minutes which is better than I've been getting, but that was it. Still not enough. Just as well she's a wonderful night sleeper (in her own cot).

Good luck with it - like you, I do hope this phase passes and they'll start sleeping during the day soon.

IMPATIENT - ohhhhh i know all about dead arms!! its so great to hear that i am not alone and that this is quite common baby behaviour!! i have actually mastered a position on the couch where i can lie down and she sort of lies on top of me and my arm is propped up so doesnt go as dead, sometimes i even nod off too.

hey i was wondering what is bella's night time routine (if u have one)... as in what time is her last feed, then when does she usually wake up for a night feed (if she has one) and when is she up for the day?

we usually put hollie down about 11pm and she has a feed between 4am - 5am then is awake at say 7.30am.... am just trying to see if i can re-gig it so she sleeps more hours, like put her down at say 8.30pm then wake her for a top up at 10.30pm then hopefully what she usually does which is a feed at 5am and up at 7.30am... that would give me some free time in the evening that way..... oh who knows!!