knowing you baby

I have had people tell me that everything goes much smoother once you get to "know" your baby..

at what point did you feel that you "knew" your baby and what made you feel like you "knew" and how long did this take??

Hi Candice,

I think it's different for everybody. I think there are certain things that you "know" straight away (this is probably maternal instinct), but other things can take quite a long time to work out. Sometimes you just "feel" as though something's not right or that you "know" you should do something, but can't put your finger on why you feel that way....I think that is the maternal instinct.

There are things about Jacob that took me a LONG time to work out..... for example, for a long time I couldn't tell the difference between cries (and I still don't always know now!) and I couldn't tell what it was that he needed. There are times when he cries now and I have no idea why he is doing it (and the list of possibilities usually gets longer as they get older!), but I tell myself that he is trying to tell me something.....it is a form of communication!

I think as each and every day passes you know your baby more....every day there are new things to learn about them as they grow, their personality comes shining through, and they learn how to communicate with you in different ways. So it's a process of learning their little ways (and this does take time!) in order to work out what it is they are trying to tell you or what it is that they need, and after you have picked up these little cues, sure, things to become a bit easier as you don't find yourself going through a mental checklist of possibilities! But there are still times when they throw you a few curly ones and you're not sure what they need!

I'm not sure any of that has really answered your question, but I just couldn't put a timeframe on it........

I don't know about how long it took to feel I 'knew' my first baby, but it took about three months for me to get used to the way she looked, she took so much after her father's family and looked nothing like I expected, so I felt like I'd birthed a little alien for ages!
As for how long it takes, it really is different for everyone. Some people say that you should fall in love with your child the moment it is born, but it really does take time to get used to being a Mum, and it is extremely common for it to take months for a real love and bond to develop, so don't ever feel that you are abnormal or a 'bad mother' if it doesn't all come together immediately!

Kerrie

Whoops, I should just say I was answering the question from the POV of 'knowing' your baby and what they need etc, as opposed to 'bonding' with them IYKWIM? I'm not sure which one you were asking about specifically.....I've just realised that Kerrie and I have responded to your question differently, that's all! I hope both responses are useful for you!

It is a hard question to answer and I think it changes all the time.

Matthew is almost 5 months old now and I feel I know his cries and his looks most of the time. Sometimes I have no idea what he wants!

As with bonding, might as well answer this too, I think it took until about 6 weeks before that happened. It differs for each mum and bub of course.

Have I helped in any way? Hope so!

I didn't actually know that I "knew" my baby LOL until I was at a sleep school at 10 weeks and I said to the ECHN, "she always does that, that is the way she is" and I realised.... I was so confused for such a long while with Matilda, I felt so totally removed from her. The nurse told me that once new mum's gain their confidence they realise how much they "know" their babies.

Having said that, Matilda is now 13 months and some days I have no idea LOL

oh.... the family/friend/person on the street who apparently knows your baby more than you do :roll: THAT was soooo frustrating! Because at first I believed them! ](*,)

It definitely takes time. After all, you both have to get acquainted and learn all about feeding, burping, crying, sleeping etc. All of that stuff can sometimes get in the way.
I think once I learned to stop and watch and listen instead of work myself up into a frenzy, it got a bit easier. I managed to observe Gabby a little more and not worry so much about what she "should" be doing iykwim?