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My Sister has a 10 year old DD. She is after some advice on how to go about explaining the Birds and Bees to her! Particularly explaining the menstrual part, as her DD is terrified of blood.
I'm usually good with advice, but even I am finding it hard to know where you would start!
All suggestions/advice much apreciated, and I will pass it all on to her. Thanks.
Hi Ally
My kids are too young yet - but I would love to have a daughter, partially because I want the opportunity to share these sorts of moments that my Mum shared with me. My mum was very matter of fact, simply she explained that women have 3 "holes" wee poo and the special one only girls have, she explained the functional elements of the uterus lining and ovulation and that the uterus lining 'cleans" out once a month and eventually I will be very grateful for this funny procedure because it is part of how we have babies. The BEST advice my Mum gave me is that when the lining leaves the uterus which is a muscle, I would feel cramping and she told me that the more I understood that it was a muscle moving the better I would feel - that it can hurt but the more you keep up normal activities the less it hurts and that all women feel the pain, but you choose how much it effects you. The reason why this advice was so great - I never thought that my period pains were bad - and when I had trouble conceiving (after years of HEAVY periods) I found out that I had bad endometriosis, I was so pleased with myself when doctors etc started commenting on how I must have suffered and I honestly can say I didn't really ever think it was that bad!! Now that I have 2 kids and no endometriosis it is amazing how my periods are much much lighter and cramps are much less painful - but before my babies I never knew!!
Hope it is of some help!
PS: One other thing - I never felt pressured into having sex with anyone, I did it when I was ready - I think that's because my Mum was so open with me, I never had any problems asking her anything an never felt the need to "give in" until I was ready.
i would look for age appropriate books at the library or ask SHINE SA what they recommend. Better you give a child age appropriate facts, than they get told playground stuff that probably isn't true and will just scare them. By 10, some young girls are already menstruating or will have classmates that are.
It really annoys me that sex ed in school is so hit n miss, this is factual stuff that all children need to know (ignorant children can be far easier targets for paedophiles).
No-one told my mum, and when she started bleeding, she thought she was dying of cancer!!! So i don't think ignorance is bliss. My step daughter is nearly 11 and has been kept ignorant, not taken to school sex ed classes (held at night).
I found excellent age appropriate books at our local library, with the help of the librarians. Her father and i read them with her and answered her questions, she had seen used tampons on the floor of public toilets at After School Care and had questions.
Her mother will let her watch adult movies, tell her smutty jokes, but WON"T educate her about her own body and coming changes - unbelievable.
I have found that the biggest thing is being open and honest. Sometimes kids might want a simple answer to a simple question, other times they might want more information. I have been very matter of fact with the girls, no sillyness, no embarrassment...and they really are pretty great with it all. Some times we have had to expand and correct information that has been given to them by their friends, its amazing the sorts of stories that float around. I got no information at all from my mum, so i vowed to always try and be more approachable to my kids, i think its one of the greatest gifts we can give them.
Jo
Hee hee! My DD and I recently had "the talk" as they will be covering just that in school later this year. I wanted to get to her before the school did, and with DD#2 recently being born (DD#1 was there for the birth) I figured she would be ok with it all (not to mention being turned off child birth for the time being!).
When I was around 11 years old, my mother handed me a book called "What's happening to me?". It is in cartoon form and actually quite funny (I can't remember who the author is), so I sat down with DD and read through it with her. She was then able to ask me questions and we had a bit of a laugh about some of the cartoons. She has since asked more about what happens when we get periods, and breast growth and all sorts of wonderful things you want to talk about while driving along!
Good luck with it!
I also suggest getting hold of a good book, and your sister can either read it with her daughter or let her read it then discuss it (whatever suits them both best). And I think, too, that if a situation comes up (ie she asks a question about something she's heard in the playground etc) that your sister should give her age-appropriate info to answer that question. I think it's a fine line between providing the information which helps a child's emotional and physical development, and giving them too much info (or giving it to them in an inappropriate way) which may expose them to sexual concepts etc that they're not yet equipped to process.