Open fertility?

So I do not want to create a theological debate, or create any attacks over family size and planning. The way I see it, there is room for family's to have different view points on size and planning and their views should be respected.

So with that in mind, recently my wife and I have been talking and it is my wifes desire (and I am wrestling with it but starting to embrace it more..lol) to trust God with our fertility. To not try to limit having children, or to try to space them to our wishes, etc. To simply embrace our family size no matter how small (currently 3) or how large (yikes.....menopause please ;) ).

Is there any one else who have chosen to live this lifestyle (with or without any theological reasoning)?

What prompted you and what has happened in spacing, in family functioning, etc. What has been the pro's and con's to you?

Were you and your partner both in agreement early on to this life style?

And any other view points please. :)

:p Hehehe - I think what you're talking about is called being Catholic!! :p

Well as far as I'm concerned, you're welcome to give it a shot but for your own sake I hope you would be prepared for the time, effort and financial burden that a supersized family brings along with it.

I grew up in a family of 4 kids with 2 proffesional parents each with their own businesses. After both being a kid in that situation and after the fact talking to my mother about just how hard it was to keep everything afloat, I can say for sure that I don't plan on having a family that big. We'll have 2, perhaps 3 kids and call it a day.

Think about the logistics of how big a house, car, groceries bill etc you need to finance and what that will cost not only financially but in time. Will you end up at work 70 hours a week just to make ends meet?

Thomas had the idea that 7 was a nice number (don't know how he came up with that!) but has become a lot more realistic lately!

Rather than just throwing caution (and contraception) to the wind, you could perhaps use a rather relaxed form of the Billings method or cycle charting and mildly avoid sex during your wifes fertile times but not really be too bothered if something eventuates?

You could potentially, depending on how fertile you two are, be looking at a new baby every 12 months or less until your wife hits menopause....could you make that work? -If you think you can, go for it!

My DP's auntie had 9 kids (11 babies, 2 didn't make it) over 21 years, pretty evenly spaced (one every 2 years or so). Breastfeeding helped with the spacing but my mum had 3 in 3 years so for some women that really doesn't help! She must have been washing nappies for 24 YEARS!

He was a high-up minister on excellent money, she was a very smart, very practical SAHM who was BRILLIANT with the accounts ;)

DP always talks of how happy and loving their house was, and he still likes to visit them now.

Bec

Dustmite, I love the idea in theory. I think it would be exciting to not know how things are going to turn out. And I love the whole "putting your faith in fate" idea. Also I love the idea of lots of kids and lots of love.

Practically it wouldn't work for us, but if it would for you I say go for it. It's not like you don't know what to expect, you already have 3 kids and two are close together, so you've BTDT. You know how hard it is, so you are going in with your eyes open.

expat - we have used NFP in one form or another and certainly could. Who knows, maybe will again. But at this time DW would like to not worry about it and not try to prevent or pursue PG. time will tell though, my big test will be after the next 1 or 2 children and hers will be after the next 3 or 4 children. That is when each of us will probably have a test of will.

All - Thank you for your responses. Will be interesting to say the least.

i come from a family of 6 childen and ild say my mam would of had one more given the chance but she was recovering from breast cancer when she got pregnant with my little sister she was lucky not to have a relapse so they said no more.

i my self am trying to talk my self in to 4 lol my husband would of been happy with two i alway wanted more and thankfully he is leaning to my way of thinking im hoping that after i have my 4th baby im content with my lot as i dont think ill talk my hubby round on less we win the lotto i know there is alway the money issue but i think you can always find away my parents did and i loved being part of a big family although im not to fond of one of my sisters but hey thats another story..
i think its what ever makes you happy i think children are great and wonderful little people

My Mum is 1 of 11 (my Nan lost 4 babies as well) & they shared a 3 bedroom house in the hills with her Mum's cousin & their 16 kids (they went on to have 3 more).. They are still REALLY close all 30 kids! Had DH & I met younger, earlier & been a tad more financial, we'd have a few more atleast... But alas it is not to be & so this is our last...

A guy from works wife had their 10th baby when I had Indah & they have not ruled out having more or not...
Their oldest recently turned 21, then they have a 19yr old & an 18yr old all 3 of whom go to University, they all still live at home in a 5 bedroom house!

They have 9 girls & 1 son (he is 19).
The last 2 babies were born at home with Dad & oldest sister in attendance! Whilst the other kids entertained themselves down stairs, I reckon it's awesome!!!

You will do whatever is right for you.... BOTH!

I guess in manner of sorts this is what my DH and I have done. We had our first child then actively used contraception (NFP) until we consciously conceived our DS. Since then it's been embracing the children that came... (two more daughters). Unfortunately I have lost 6 since so conceiving has become very conscious again!

So, we have four children now and this baby in my belly will be 5. I will be 40 in August so I will be haning up my boots after that - this pregnancy has been very stressful...

Having a large family is wonderful! I love it and I think our kids do too. They play together, hug each other, do "stage shows", dance and sing... They fight too like all kids but the love is great. Yep, our kids don't do holidays to Disneyland - but we camp, and do other more affordable things. We have a great life and so do they. They go to independent school - they do sport, and other activities. They revel in the handme downs from the others.

There are sacrifices that have to be made - thats for sure. But I am now a SAHM - I bake, I taxi and I am TIRED! But I wouldn't change my family - I wish I had have started earlier so there was time for more. I wish that my other babies hadn't flown away and we would have that family of 6-7 that we dreamed of... But the Universe had other plans.

Dustmite - if you and your partner have the love and the energy a big family is WONDERFUL!

ETA: WE are not catholic either! Tho DH was brought up a Catholic!

I'm Catholic, and XH was atheist. He was adamant about not having any more than two kids. This was one of the reasons that we split (among many others, but a significant one). I want at least three more children. I've always dreamed of having five kids.

I really like your idea. However, it would depend on my medical situation as I don't "do" pregnancy well, and having had two c/s already, I'd have to look into VBA2C.

Hi there
Just wanna put my 2 cents in. I have been extrememly fertile - got pregnant at 21 on the pill! Became a Christian and got married at 28. We decided to start a family straight away - 4 years later with 4 more children I thought I would go mad with another baby so soon again. I get pregnant while my baby is still fully breastfeed! But God gave me a break and I had another baby last year. That makes 6! I am 36 and I feel as though my body is slowly down its fertility rate. We would like to have more children and are leaving it up to God till I'm 40, then we really don't know where to from there. I have a feeling we will just keep going. My scary problem is that I didn't start menstrating till I was 17 so don't wanna still be going at 50! I will say though having a big family is so much fun! There is never a dull moment. My oldest boy is 14 and disabled then I have 7,5,4,3,10 months. Life is good.

Bree

Bree - have you always known this was the way you wanted to build your family or at least after becoming a Christian, or did you come to this view point after having the 4 children during the 4 years?

Is it hard for your DH or you to just not worry about it?

Also, I see you are a home schooling mom, can you give me any input on how you approach that and what type of curriculum you use? How do you keep costs down both with home school as well as in general?

Hi there Dustmite

My husband is very good to me. He loves having all the children and loves taking them anywhere because the are well trained. He would like to have more children but only if I can cope and if my body is up to it.

We always wanted at least 4 children and then see where we went from there. To be honest the first 3 are the hardest then it gets easier. I have my 6 and 7 year olds arguing over who can change the babys nappy! We have decided one at a time, we aren't going out to have as many as possible but are willing to leave it to God.

Homeschooling - do your research, there are so many different ways to homeschool and you will find the way that suits your family best. I find I often spend money of the first one then the others can use the same stuff. I use Math-U-See for maths and Abeka for everything else. I am looking into another reading programme. They say it takes 4 years to get into the swing of homeschooling so relax!

Check out Michael and Debi Pearls website nogreaterjoy. They have some good stuff on child training, homeschooling, etc. We love their wisdom and practicality. I hope this is enough to start with I am happy to answer any questions. Enjoy your children.