All about the Husband/partner- please help!

HI all,

My apologies if I am a little "green at this", I have only just registered with Bellybelly forums (But have been reading them for months!)... I have a bit of a strange questions.

My first baby was born via C/S, but if things go well I am really trying for a VBAC this time... my dear husband is going to be my support person, but we are both a little unsure on hints and tips for him in this role.

I told him that if we are lucky enough to be allowed a "trial of Labour" and things progress well, that he will need to sort of be my voice- and to ensure that he supports what we want (not the Drs!)... however I don't really have any suggestions or idea of what goes on- to just give him some idea before it all happens... could any of you great mums/mums to be give us VBAC'ers some support tips for the dads...I don't deal with pain well and am sure that he will be doing a lot of the speaking for me- but I don't want to overwhelm him or bombard him with information from someone that hasn't been there yet.

Thankyou all heaps and good luck with your baby making/or baby growing!

E's mum:bellyrubs::bellyrubs:

no advice... Just luck with your VBAC!

I found that it helped just having DH near by so when a contractions came I just called him & he stood next to me so I could squeeze his hand, dont know how squeezing his hand helped but believe me at the time it really helped.

I would suggest you explain to him that you may not be able to express what you want real well if your in alot of pain & you may not even be able to speak much depending on how worn out you are so ask that he has his ears wide open to hear you & I'd also ask him to keep one eye on you the whole time incase you're trying to get his attention but in too much pain to call out.

Good luck! :goodluck:

Hi E'smum! Goodluck with everything! My advise is make sure DH knows what sort of pain relief you want because as I found the doc's tend not to listen to what you are saying (even though you are completely aware of what you are asking for!)
xooxoxo

Hi there!

I haven't been through labour or a c-section yet but there is a couple of articles from BB that I thought may be helpful...

https://www.bellybelly.com.au/men/me...n-your-support

https://www.bellybelly.com.au/men/su...-her-in-labour

HI Ladies... thankyou heaps already- DH has already read the link (thankyou Danielle!)- please keep things coming.

Best regards

E's mum

Have you considered a Doula? Especially for a VBAC when you have Obs who all have their own conditions on VBACs. The rupture rate is so low... 0.7% - your scar is strong. Considering the risks of repeat c/s too, VBAC is very safe :) Here are some articles:

VBAC - On Whose Terms?
Men At Birth - Should Your Bloke Be There?
VBAC - What to Expect

I also recommend you check out the birthrites site which is great, and our recommended reading list. Particularly the VBAC books and Henci Goer's "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth." For him, 'The Birth Partner" by Penny Simkin and for both of you, The Pink Kit :) There you go!!!

Its not about them letting you have a trial, its about you informing yourself and having the birth YOU want. There are Obs who will help you to achieve a VBAC.

Hi Belly Belly...

I love the sound of a doula- but we are based in Armidale NSW and I cannot seem to find anyone close by (Coffs Harbour is the closest)...

As for the VBAC stuff- thankyou heaps- I have been reading a lot of the Bellybelly forums(over the last few months) from awesome women who have had VBACs and found this to be incrediably useful... thankyou for the links.

At this stage I cannot fault my DR or the midwifes, and am just hoping that my little person is not as big as what her big brother was- which will put me very favourably for a VBAC. Thankyou for creating such a brilliant website- I just saw the thread about the forums being open 24-7, finally I know what I can do lying awake for 2 hours in the middle of the night!

Thankyou again

E's mum

I can't help you with VBAC information, but I would suggest you write a birth plan with your requests and ideally discuss this with your doctor, midwife & husband before going into labour. I'm sure you can find plenty of help on BB in writing a birth plan if you need assistance.

I had 12 hours of labour (ended in emergency c/s) - and my husband was there to totally help me through the excrutiating pain (my baby was posterier so it was particulalry painful). DH was not able to let go of me. He had to come into the shower, he sat on the bed with me, and he came into surgery with me... He didn't have to do much talking.

My stepmum was with us as well (until I went to surgery) - and she must have worded DH up on "what to say". He doesn't normally dish out many compliments - but he was a star. He gave me loads of compliments and encouragement - and that was what I needed to get through it.

Have you been to birth classes? They can be really helpful.

If you email me I will get some doulas to contact you. They are everywhere ;)

info@bellybelly.com.au

With VBAC's its more important to understand what they are trying to do and why... so if you find a Doula experienced in VBAC it will be of great comfort and support to you and your partner so you can both work as a team. Birth classes I would recommend independant ones, hospital birth classes are not helpful for VBAC and most don't even cover it in detail. In fact I am yet to find one that does. Probably exists, somewhere....!

Thank-you for the lovely compliments too :)

Hi Ethan's Mum - welcome! :)

I am also preparing for a VBAC this time around, and undertand your concerns - it's so hard to plan for something when you really don't know how you will react at the time - will you become introverted or outspoken? I would talk through possible scenarios with your partner. He can ask you now "if I'm doing this, what would you want me to do/say" etc.

I hope Kelly can find some local doulas for you - I really think that is a great idea. It is proven that support from one will increase your chances of a successful VBAC. I am also from a small town (smaller than Armidale ;)) and there were no doulas - so I made my own LOL. I have a friend who is a nurse & has had 2 very positive birth experiences, so I asked her to be my support person.

Good luck with it all!

Hi E's mum

I haven't been through labour yet but am a HUGE fan of the Juju Sundin book (there's another thread about this on bellybelly) as it gives very practical advice on pain management techniques but at the same time does not poo-poo drugs. It's extremely well-balanced. So I'm going to give this to my partner to read and say, "look I'll probably be trying this, this and this and when I do I need you to do this, this and this."

I'll also be doing a birth plan regarding my preferences re pain relief and getting him to read that obviously.

I was a bit worried because there had been a stuff-up with my antenatal classes and I didn't start them until last week (at 34 weeks). To be honest, my partner thought it was good but Ithought it was very basic and rubbish. I'm sure they differ from place to place but this one was very much about the stages of labour, dilation, pain relief rather than providing practical ways to manage the pain. So I got much more out of Juju Sundin! The one thing we did establish from the antenatal classes is that I can't stand being massaged so that's definitely out!

Good luck with the VBAC.

HI,

If you can get a doula near you, that sounds like a great idea, especially if your unsure. If you can't have you tried sitting down and talking both you and hubby with a midwife or childbirth educator, to discuss what your options are locally.

We were taught it really comes down to your own (or partners) empowerment. For him knowledge will be power. He will need to know what your expectations are and to understand what all the diff options that you can utilise in labor.
A birth plan is great, because if he forgets, then it's written in black and white. He will need to know that you trust him and support him in any decision that he makes.

Maybe if you can't get a doula near you for the birth you could spend some time with one prior to help establish what you want to gain out of your birthing experience.

Just some thoughts

Hi E's mum. I had a very successful VBAC.. so much so it all was over in 3 1/2 hours!! I did hypnobirthing which was the best thing I've ever done! My first was a planned c/s due to him being breech so I hadn't experienced labour. I was petrified of the "pain" but when it came to it, I honestly didn't experience pain. I attribute this to the hypnobirthing which in essence is deep relaxation and proper deep breathing techniques which become so second nature you don't even realise you're doing it. It's about working with your birthing body and baby to have a birth as natural and easily as possible. DH was a WONDERFUL support to me and did what they call "triggers" for relaxation (ie: hand on shoulder or arm etc) which worked so well that if he so much as took his hand off me I yelled for him to put it back...lol. The one I did was the Mongan Method. There is a book, but we did classes which I highly recommend. If you want to email me at achoffmann@bigpond.com.au I will email you the link and you can see if there's someone in your area. It covers things for your partner as well and their role in the birthing process. Best of luck with everything :D You'll be GREAT!!! BTW... weird but I found the whole VBAC the most empowering thing in my life to date and still have nothing but the fondest and most wonderful memories of having my little baby and it still brings tears of joy to me now.

Aww Cass, that's wonderful. It's so great to hear of such a positive experience!

Thankyou all heaps- I will be sure to get in touch with you all that have offered some brilliant advice.

good luck with everything

E's mum