11yr Nephew - question

Hi,

My sister has 6 kids ranging from 15 to 3, (5 boys - 15, 11, 9, twins - 6 and one girl 3)

They are all very smart (biased I know) but the second eldest is extremely smart and has alot of trouble with being smarter than all his friends etc. He wants to be normal like all the rest.

My SIS and BIL asked me for some advise the other day (I don't have any kids yet so found it really hard). Her son (the 11 yr old) is really causing a lot of problems at home. He not a bad kid just very troubled. He always picks and teases the other boys (not my niece as she is a princess to him) then blames them and they get into trouble. When he gets told off he closes down and becomes very stressed. Starts going on about he should be dead and wants to kill himself - he even plans it!!

He is very scared or wary of strangers (which is good) but that includes his teachers, dentists etc..he again closes off and will not talk at all just stands there ands stares at them without saying a word. He has been awarded heaps of Honour certificates but will not get up at assemblies to get them - I was always shy to do this but still got excited about getting them - not this kid.

He has had counsellings at school but none of them can find out what is eating him out, He just tells them he wants to die. SO far no luck with them.

It is really sad and scary as we do not want him to do anything - hopefully it is all just words. He has an overall happy life, not overly spoilt but my Sis has to treat him more special as they don't want to make things worse.

This is only a small snippet of what he is like it is so hard to write it all down - esp third hand. He is such a loving kid! Always telling everyone how much he loves us. He is so sensitive. When i M/c the other week he cried more than me - was so upset for me!!

Can anyone recommend a way to handle this situation, it is causing stress for our family as we don't know where to go. He doesn't want to be singled out as this makes him feel even more abnormal...then totally closes shop so to speak.

Can anyone can recommend a really good counsellor in Perth that does home visits as I think this may be easier for him in a 'safe' environment to open up.?

I hope that someone can point us in the right direction.

Hey Michelle

Firstly...I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage...you're in my thoughts...take care!

Re. your nephew...It might be worthwhile getting your sister to contact the local child and adolescent mental health clinic (CAMHS)...I'm not sure where she lives, but there's quite a few around Perth...I can let you know which would be the right one to contact if I know what her suburb is...

They are staffed by mental health professionals (Psychiatrists, Clinical Psychologists, Social Workers, Mental Health Nurses)...sometimes they do home visits...they are all extremely experienced clinicians and would be very familiar with working with kids who can 'shut down'...generally they also like to take a family focus, rather than just focussing on the one child...so hopefully he won't feel too targetted...

They are a government service so there could be a wait...but they will also be able to provide you with the names of some private counsellors...your sister would probably need to get a referral from either the School Psychologist or local GP...

Please feel free to PM if you have any other questions...

Hope that helps...

Thanks Monnie, I will pass that info onto my SIS.......she lives in Kwinana so I am sure she wouldn't mind traveling......

I will let you know how we get on. I really appreciate your help...

and thanks for your kind words on our loss....good luck with your birth too!!

Grwing up my cousin had the same problem. He has scars all up and down his arm and he even ran away a few times. My aunt and uncle decided to put him in Mastermind... a school for very smart people. At first he had some trouble there but he started making friends with people of his own intelligence but slowly things started to get better.

Hi mrsaym,

Your nephew sounds very troubled. Is his fear of strangers new, or has he always been that way? Was there a time when he was ok with strangers, when he was younger perhaps?

I think asking for a clinical viewpoint might be very valuable. Threats and fantasies of suicide are not rare in teens, but your nephew is a bit young for that. Even in teens, threats like that can never be ignored.

I was sexually abused as a child, as was my brother. I have to say i am concerned because my brother displayed the same fear of strangers, threats of suicide and getting others (usually me) into terrible trouble then freaking out if he himself was in trouble. This might be only a sign your nephew is disturbed and not because he has suffered anything similar, but still, i think action would be best.

HTH

Bx