Sleep and settling questions

Hi,

This question might seem a bit minor compared to most sleep issues but it is driving my husband and I a bit crazy.

Our little boy is nearly 4 months old and he is just gorgious (aren't they all!) most of the time. He sleeps just fine during the day, a couple of shorter sleeps in the morning and afternoon (45 mins to an hour)and a longer sleep (around 1.5 to 2 hours) in the middle of the day and he is pretty easy to settle for all of those sleeps. In the evening once he settles he will sleep through from 10.30 ish through to 7 or 8 in the morning with one feed in the middle of the night around 3am.

During the day, I can often put him to bed awake and he will fall asleep happily or worst case we just have a little cuddle, sing a song and he's off, it rarely takes more than 10 or 15 mins.

So, my question is, the time between around 4.30pm and anywhere up to 10.30pm he won't sleep, won't settle, is often upset and wants to be held upright all the time. He'll sometimes sleep on us but the minute we lay him down in his cot he screams blue murder. This means he is often going two full feed cycles before he finally settles to sleep. This time, around 5 hours of constantly trying to settle him is utterly exhausting and I find myself getting really tense and just wishing 11pm would come around as he rarely goes past that time. It also means that my husband and I are tag teaming all night and don't get 10 mins to ourselves to just sit and chat. By the time our little boy has finally settled I just fall into bed.

Am I worrying about nothing? Is this completely normal or should I be trying something different?

In terms of routine, we don't really have a fixed routine. I try to keep things fairly calm from 6pm although the tv is still on in the loungeroom, he has a bath every second day, I play music in his room, read stories or sing songs and have a cuddle for the 20 mins or so before I try to put him down which is usually around 7-7.30pm.

Any advice or words of wisdom would be gratefully recieved.

Thanks,

Thia

hmmm this sounds a bit like our DD.... she would never sleep in her cot until about 10.30pm at night.... she would be tired from 7pm onwards, but just plain refused to settle in her cot... so she usually slept in my arms while i sat on the couch etc, but come 10.30pm for some reason she would fall into a deep sleep...

im sorry i probably dont have much advice for you, as they are all so different, and what works for one doesn't for another, IYKWIM.

we do manage to get her down at 7pm ish now, and the aim is to give her a sleepy feed at around 10pm, she will then make it thru the night without a feed until morning, but it is touch and go as to whether this works... sometimes she takes the feed at 10pm and goes back to sleep no worries, other times i feel i should have just left her alone and fed her in the middle of the night, as she is unsettled possibly with wind after the 10pm feed and i have to resort to taking her into bed with me and cuddling her, meaning we both get a bad nights sleep.

one thing i am doing at the moment which appears to have made all the difference is in relation to her day time sleeps... the aim is for her to have a big sleep in the morning (1.5 to 2 hours) then another one in the early afternoon, say starting at 1pm... then i only let her have a short catnap (if i can get her to at all) in the afternoon around 4pm... so she is awake from about 4.30pm-5pm after only having a short nap to take the edge off, so come 7pm she is quite tired and ready for bed.... it took a while for this to fall into place though...

she will usually have a good sleep in the morning, then its touch and go how she sleeps in the afternoon, sometimes well, other times just short cat naps.... apparently 'they' say that a nap 45 minutes or less doesn't really count as a proper sleep as it is only one sleep cycle, and it will merely 'take the edge off' and buy time.... (this is what i have read, it seems to be the case with my dd).... the only thing i can possibly suggest, is that you try to get him to have a bigger sleep in the morning, then shorter sleeps in the afternoon, so he is ready for a sleep at 7pm ish... i would try this for a few days, as it can be hard to change sleep habits.... of course it may be disasterous, but it seems like it is worth a shot, as he is already so unsettled it probably can't get much worse...

but they are all different so who knows... it is such an experiment. i hope things change for you, i know exactly how u are feeling.

Thanks for your suggestions. I tried looking at his sleep times during the day and even reduced them a bit but that was disasterous. Funnily enough by that point I had enough so I just let him do whatever he wanted for a couple of days and surprise surprise, I think he was just trying to develop a new 'routine' from his previous. The clue for me was when he started refusing feeds as he has always been very hungry and woke for a feed like clockwork every three hours during the day. Since I just loosened up a bit I've had hardly any trouble settling him for his day sleeps and the evenings have been much easier where he is settled into a night-time pattern from around 7 (although still feeding at around 10). Last night he slept from 11.30pm through to 7am - yay! I'm still clueless as to whether or not this is a temporary respite, if he was just going through one of his wonder weeks phases, or if this is the light at the end of the tunnel. I agree, what an experiement! Glad to know we aren't alone though.

Glad things are better for you, Thia. I was going to suggest perhaps taking him for a walk in the afternoon to see if you could get another nap out of him that way? It sounds like you and he have it sorted now though, which is just wonderful! 11:30 - 7am sounds like a great sleep. Well done to both of you.