Whats your opinion - Lazy or not ready.

Glenn is about to turn 3 & was have been trying to TT him over the last couple of weeks. He will use the toilet IF we take him. But he just doesn't get the whole go before you go part! We have a fully carpetted house so little accidents all over the place isn't ideal (I shampoo'd the carpets just last week)

The thing is, Evan was 3 when it all clicked for him & I know its going to be different for each child but Everything seems to be there for Glenn to know how it works but he just doesn't seem to care or be interested in not wetting himself. He bought him his own super duper Bob the builder undies to make it exciting about wearing undies & he knows wee's & poo's go in the toilet. But he just sucha happy go lucky type of kid that he doesn't care (well thats how it seems) if he is running around in wet clothes.
So we bought new undies (I think pull ups are a waste of time & money as they are still nappies so he will still wet them)
We have a sticker reward system in place, but again he doesn't really care about that. he enjoys the fuss of getting the sticker at the time but doesn't actually look forward to it IFYKWIM.
We just bought a timer so it gets set every hour & when it buzz's its time to try to go for a wee.

Its so hard to keep on his back about it with 2 other kids so I know part of the problem is me being ontop of it & remembering to remind him but I don't see the point in trying if I am having to tell him to go. He often makes a fuss about it & gets upset about having to go because he is palying. This is where I see the problem, he is too busy (or maybe just too lazy) to stop playing & go to the loo.
We didn't have this problem with Evan, like I said it just clicked & I don't remember more then maybe 5 accidents. But Glenn is wetting himself every day if not more often.

So what do you think, is he just not ready yet or is he just too "busy". Do yo think I should just hold off a bit before trying to push the issue?
I said to DH that I think we should hold off as its becoming to much work to clean the carpet every day! Especially with Isla on the floor, she will be crawling through wet patches all the time! So the to me the choice is, Undies & no play or nappies & try again in a few months.
I am just so over nappies! Isla is in cloth now but Glenn doesn't like them, he actively protests cloth.

We should wait a bit shouldn't we....

Fj, you have it right hun. Just wait, in the meantime don't give up. Meaning don't stop taking him to the loo, just don't stress on it. I have been lucky with Teh, she has pretty much TTed herself.

They do say that girls are generally more quicker than boys with it though. Noah was quite lazt with TT and only now at 5 is he even wiping his own bum!!

Goodluck hun and patience is a virtue ;)

i hear you FIONAJILL!

my eldest was fully toilet trained at the age of 3. but my darling little Cody is 4 in december and i am still struggling. what amazes me is that on his daycare day he NEVER wets his pants. he has a ladder and seat plus a potty at home. but he will hold on to the very last second! and only goes if i am sitting on the floor by him.

i think you are correct in saying every child is different. my boy is just too involved in what he is doing to take 'time out' for a wee (or whatever)

until last week he actually was running off and putting on a nappy to do number 2's! so now the nappies have been hidden.

pull ups are a waste of time. Glenn is still young. just gently persist with lots of encouragement when he does go toilet. as i have learnt, no two children are the same and by the time they start school, most will all walk, talk and be toilet trained. every little one is different.

good luck..

I agree with what the other gals have said. Gentle persistance without going over the top.
Good luck!

FionaJill,
I would say he is neither "lazy" nor "not ready". I have TTd 3 boys of my own, all at about age 2- 2 1/2, and taught parenting classes. This is always a popular subject. If he can go when you take him, then he is 95% there, because that means he is capable of control. Lots of kids plateau at this stage. At first going in the toilet is fun and interesting, but then they realize that it is something that is going to interrupt their activities for the rest of their life! It's not going away!

There is a point in keeping it up, even if you have to remind him to go. If you persist, he will probably click over in 3-4 weeks, probably even less. I would suggest not using the buzzer, unless you want to use it yourself, to remind yourself to remind him. It will only annoy him. Try asking at transition times: when he gets up. Before breakfast. After. Before getting dressed. Before going outside. Obviously, don't ask after he gets dressed if he has just gone before dressing :) Just stick with it. I know it's not easy.....but that is probably the most important part.

Try to think about it this way, every child requires different assistance from you at different times. Some breastfeed well, others need lots of help and persistence. Some need to be encouraged to play, others have to be dragged from the park when it's time to go. Some struggle in school and need you to go over spelling words, others complete assignments at school and never bring anything home. So, this is just one way that this child needs you now. As you said, your first was different and probably your daughter will be different yet again!

Glenn is probably too young to be motivated by a sticker system. They work better with children at early school age (5-6).
Does he have to go in the loo? Does he know how to go standing up? Are you OK with him going outside on the grass? Most boys think it is absolutely hilarious to wee all over flowers, shrubs, off the edge of the deck, or whatever. My 3rd is 2 and 1/2, and his preferred place to wee is in the back yard. My husband also gets him to go on the tyre before getting in the car. (I wasn't super-keen on this at first, but honestly most goes in the road under the car!)

Yes, it's harder when they don't care about being wet. Whilst most kids don't like it, there are a few who could not care less (even if they are pooey). My oldest was like that.

About the carpet: a nurse friend suggested filling a spray bottle with 50% white vinegar, 50% rubbing alcohol (isopropyl alcohol--from the chemist). When he wets the floor, wipe the carpet with a quite wet cloth, then use the spray and wipe it in. The vinegar will take care of the odour. The alcohol will help the wetness evaporate rapidly. This works like a charm. I've had a bottle around the house for the best part of 12 years (wonderful for vomit too....). Once he is fairly reliable, then have a good shampooing done.
Don't lose heart! Moral suppport availabe here anytime. :D

Castle, thank you for a very informative post.
The buzzer is more for me to remember to remind him. Like I said its hard to keep track of it with other children.
I will come back & read more & reply to each post but we are just about to walk out the door for the boys combines birthday party.

Watching with interest here...having the exact same problem.

Almost three and so NOT interested it isn't even funny anymore. Doesn't care if she wees her pants. Knows what the toilet is for and will happily sit on it - then pee on the floor as soon as I take her off.

Driving me mental. Everyone is really on my back about it now (ie. grandparents, family daycare mum) which is making me VERY tense :(

Just know you're NOT alone fionajill ;)

Caro, should work for pet urine too...I've never tried it. I've refused to get anything beyond fish because I think I'd end up doing all the care!!
Flea, if she won't go at all in the toilet, then I'd suggest temporarily trying a reward system. A couple of Smarties, a handful of a cereal that she likes, a special mouthful, when she goes in the toilet. The reason a food reward is good here, is that they need something very immediate and very satisfying, but ALSO something that is quickly over. It doesn't have to be a lolly.
Also, again temporarily, a special toy to use or book to look at...just for the toilet. You need to encourage her to spend a little time sitting there. If she is sitting on it comfortably and relaxes, the position itself will encourage her pelvic floor muscles to open up and she'll release some urine.
Another idea...if the grandparents are really concerned, would they like to take her for a week and train her? If it's that important to them, let them try...after all, they have done it before :) I'm not being sarcastic, not completely anyway! Seriously, if granny is really keen to do it, why not? At your daughter's age, she should be able to learn very quickly if someone is there to remind her all the time, and if it's stressing you then let your mum or MIL have a go.

One thing to remember is that learning to use the toilet is just that...a LEARNED behaviour. Some mums think that it's a natural behaviour, like crawling or walking, and that therefore when the child is ready, he'll just do it. NO. We know, unfortunately from examples of abused and abandoned children, that unless it's taught in some way, it doesn't happen. Yes, they do have to be neurologically ready for it...but the neurological processes that are required, are actually completed quite a bit earlier than most people realize (usually by 18 months). I would respectfully suggest, just for future planning if it applies, that you start a bit younger...by age 2. The children are usually more interested and open at that age, less inclined to be busy and to say "no" to whatever it is you're suggesting! And if it seems impossible at that point, you can put it off for a bit and try again later, without feeling like you're pressed to do it by a certain time.
Fionajill, another thing some people try with boys, is to scatter a few Cheerios or Honey-Os (some small cereal that floats, these ones are rings) in the toilet water, and then get your son to "aim" at them. This is great for winter or wet days, or if you're in an apartment or other place where you can't have the fun of weeing outside!

Girls, after 4 kids and teaching many parents, I think I'd say this is not something to stress about...if it's driving you mental, use nappies and think about it next week or next month. If you work, I'd suggest waiting till you have a block of time off.
LOL, my youngest is a girl...I will be interested to see if there is any toilet training difference with her. I'm so used to doing it with boys! She just turned one and HATES being pooey. The other day my dh was home with her, didn't see her for a few minutes, and went looking. She was sitting near all the changing things, and gave him a great big grin when he came over--he said that, "Where have you been, Dad? Let's get on with it!" was the message she was trying to give!

i am so glad i have a place like this forum to ask questions, it's great to read everyone's responses

i have a ten month old, but i like hearing about what is ahead of us from mums of older toddlers.

really good topic FJ, cos every kid is going to go thru that stage, best of luck

I am DEFINITELY of the opinion that TTing is a summertime activity. Warm enough to play outside and it not be terrible if a kid is wet for 10 mins or has no pants on for a bit and plenty of time for nappy/pants off time to feel what is going on.

I've never had to TT though, so what do i know!? LOL.

My mother imparted the following wisdom on the subject:
a) don't get into stresses about what goes into or comes out of a child. Eventually they will eat what you offer them and poop and wee where they're supposed to, and
b) it's easier with the later ones.

Her theory was that TTing the 1st kid is hard because although you have the time and energy, you've not the experience or the past successes. She TTed all of us by never shutting the bathroom door when she was in there (to the point that i refused to use a potty because i KNEW no-one pooped in a pot on the livingroom floor) and by creating a culture of grown-upness with the older ones, which the younger ones are, inevitably, DESPERATE to join. This translated into little treats for my brother (extra one on one with one of my parents, trips to places where "nappy-kids can't go" - certain parks or museums) which i couldn't join in on until i was a big kid. Basically she hit the pause button in other areas until i mastered it - in the same whay that i didn't take Smee to play on the grass in the park until she could walk i guess, (though obviously that was more a safety thing) my mum wouldn't take me to the special west park museum (which turned out to be one room with a stuffed panda gone white with age, a mummified hand, and a few roman ewars in it - lol) because you could only go if you were a big kid and big kids wore pants (or ate their dinner, whatever it was that week). The magic of this was that it was always out of the house (while stayed in it with the other parent) so even if they had a rotten time, i wasn't there to see it, the impression i got was that it was all very mysterious and wonderful...so alluring! LOL. I'm not sure if it's a way that'd work for everyone but i'm raising smee like i was, so quite strictly but also "with responsibilities come rights" so if you do x, you get to do y. So maybe you could try praising Evan's efforts (and explain to him why if he thinks mum's suddenly gone mad and thinks HE'S just learning) so Glenn overhears, and even throwing in the odd special-trip-out treat for him so Glenn sees that it would benefit him to TT...?

On thing i did wonder though FJ, you say he hates cloth...is that because of the bulk or because they feel more revolting when wet than either sposies or pants? If it's the latter i'd "forget" to buy sposies and tell him it's cloth only. He'll hate it. What a great motivation!

bx

Hoob, he doesn't like the bulk. He actually stayed reasonably dry inthem but gets quite upset about wearing them. But we are going ok. Still lots of accidents but he actually asked to go for a wee the other day which we all got very excited about. Then yesterday he had a few accidents & Dh put a napppy on him as we were heading out. Glenn got rather upset inthe car saying he did a wee. So he is becoming awear of it, FINALLY lol. But must lucky DH put a nappy on him because its a bugger cleaning the car if he wee's on that!

Fj, what having a pack of pull ups or similar just for situations like that one with the car trip? This is what I've done. We almost never use them, but DS calls them "nappy undies" and they are an acceptable alternative to him...
Sounds like everything is going well, especially if he asked to do a wee the other day!!
xx

Yeah when we run out I will be buying some peciacl undies Like I had for Evan (pull ups). I used them for Evan while he was still night TTing so Glenn is aware of what Special undies are.

I have also started to make him repeat things to me so I ask "Where do wees go?" And he sometimes says Nappy so when he does I will say No wees go in the toilet. Where do wees go? Then he will say Toilet. I have been doing thing for alot of things like this. Glenn is a bit naughty with hitting/pushing/kicking Isla so I say "Are yo allowed to hit Isla?" and if he says Yes then I tell him that no its not ok to hit Isla and ask again & he says No. So I don't get cranky with him but ask him & then praise him when he answers right even if I did have to correct him a few times before hand. He is getting it. He is a bit of a bully at preschool too not in a nasty way just to be, but if he has something taken off him by another kid or wants something he wil just cry & or push to get what he wants. There is a girl who I know for sure is where he has picked this behaviou up from. But where she isn't pulle dup on it all (I suspect she is a princess at home & gets away with everything because the way she talks to adults is shocking & very disrespectful). GLenn is pulled up on it & I have tried to explain to him that its not nice & he needs to use his words to get waht he wants.

I agree with using the cloth, even if it's just becaue of the bulk. I heard of one mum whos' bub hated nappies (all sorts) so much that at 10 months she made a bargain with him that after changing a wet nappy, he could go 15 mins without one on at all. Kid soon learned to pee as soon as the new nappy was put on, so it was then removed for 15 mins. This was easy to transition to the toilet as he then didn't need any nappies put on at all - which he loved. totally toilet trained at 15 months, from memory, including nights. This was all sparked off by hating having a nappy on - so see if you can't strike a bargain with him like this! Also try a pingpong ball in teh loo - it won't flush adn he can practice aiming at it. Another thing that will help is moving a potty into the lounge so playing isn't as interrupted.

Wow Fully TT by 15 months!
I have to ask though, how the hell to you bargin with a 10 month old. Isla is 10 months & no way she would understand that she can have it off after every wee.

It is so reassuring to read this thread and to see we aren't alone! DD turns 3 in January and I tried the first time just after she turned 2, we've given it three good goes but no success yet. In the last few months we've just been sitting her on the toilet at transition times but if she says she doesn't want to, we don't force her.

She'll sit on the toilet till the cows come home but won't actually do anything on it.

I'm starting maternity leave next week and am planning to really focus on it then. I'm hoping the warmer weather will help.

I must admit to feeling like a bit of a loser when other kids her age are fully TTd and have been for months.

I used a little insentive to train DS. He wanted a fire engine in the shop. It stayed there for about a year (he spotted it when he was around 2) and finally one day he said i want that fire engine inthe shop. "well" I said, "you have to do all your poos in the toilet". By the end of the week he decided for himself that he wanted the fire engine enough to do his poos on the toilet.
For wees I let him run around in the nude....boys think it is great watching themselves do wees, and they get to have a play too ;)

FJ, I have the same problem with my Kat, sometimes she will go to potty or tell em she wants to, but she doesn't get the "release and pee" part. She'll sit there for 30 mins (and yes, I've sat there that long with her after she's not gone all afternoon or morning) and nothing. She'll say to me "sinished" but she's done nothing and as soon as nappy is back on (it feels like, usually within 30mins) she's pee'd or pooped. I don't know whether she's just not ready or if she's lazy or what?! Today I was told do away with the potty as she may not quite get how potty = toilet that mummy and daddy use. I am just so confused and new at all this. I've been trying off and on for a year now and only had a handful of successes where she's done a wizz (tiny little dribble) in the potty (with much excitement and cheers and telling her how good she is etc). She just doesn't seem interested (sorry if I am taking over the thread FJ....I'm just so at my wits end right now!...hormones, what can u do hey?!).