what do you know now that you wish you'd known then?

As a first time mum-to-be starting to plan for my upcoming birth, i just wondered if i could learn from the experiences of all you lovely mums out there. i'm starting to write up my birth plan and i'm just wondering..
what do you know now that you wished you'd known before giving birth?
what do you wish you'd done differently (if anything)?
what do you think is the most important advice for someone about to go through the experience?
Any experiences/advice/ideas would be much appreciated...as much or as little as you'd like to share...i'm just trying to gather as much info as i can so i can go into my birth experience empowered and with my eyes wide open iykwim? thank you :)

With my first son I had it all planned, but they flew out the window with each contraction.
Although I was stronger than I thought as I thought epidural would be the way to go however I didnt have one either birth.
The second birth was a scheduled induction and was really scary and went forever
if there is anything I would do differently it would be accepting medication to help me sleep the night before my younges son was born.
The best laid plans can go out the window when you are faced with labour.
Pain takes over and you are totally out of control of what is happening to you.
Each labour and birth was different as are each of my sons.
Just remember that it is only one or two days of hell for a lifetime of pleasure.
It is all worth it and you feel so strong after it's over.
Any other questions, just ask me.
Good luck, Catherine

Hey Gracie

congratulations on your pregnancy...and impending arrival of your beautiful baby :)

you will get some great responses to your post...but I can offer the following suggestions ;)

surround yourself with empowered and positive people in labor and birth...nurturing as well...and a team that is willing to stand up for you...the lovely birthing woman...and what you really want

use pregnancy to prepare for labor and birth...reflexology, hypnobirthing, yoga, homeopathy, naturopathy...nurture yourself!

for thoughts in labor...
think about your pain relief options...even if you dont want anything...have a back up plan
light nibbles and drinks to keep energy levels up
set the scene...music, lighting, reduced noise
positions you find comfortable (yoga really helps with this, plus allowing optimal positioning of your baby in the pelvis)
waiting for uncontrollable urge to push...reduces length of 2nd stage and is better for you and baby
water/bath...what a fantastic medium...provides comfort, security, buoyancy, warmth, pain relief
requesting that no one talk as your baby is being born...so your baby hears your voice
perhaps asking for no vaginal examinations unless necessary...every time you are examined it interrupts the labor process, is uncomfortable for you and someone else is touching you baby before you do
and on from above...asking if you can touch your babies head as it is being delivered...or even if your DH is keen, asking if he can assist with the delivery of the body
a special bunny rug to wrap your baby in after birth...one you have been sleeping with so it smells exclusively of mummy
skin to skin contact after birth...which helps with bonding and that first breast feed
special time alone with your precious bundle after birth...weighing the baby etc can wait

and my tip...labor and birth involves the whole body...emotional and physical, and can be overwhelming...ride the waves of the contractions one at a time...breathe and oxygenate your baby and uterus...remain calm...and enjoy (yes it can be enjoyable)

phew! hope that helps...I could keep going :)

xx yogababy

That breastfeeding is hard work and something that not always comes naturally, that is the one thing that I really wish I knew.

And as the others said, have a plan but have a back up in case it all goes out the window, asert your plan and your opinions its your choice your body and your baby.

(or as my mum says, leave your dignity at the door and pick it up on the way out)

I wish I had known how wonderful it was to have a child - maybe that way I wouldn't have looked at the midwife like she was mad when she offered me to watch Flynn crowing in the mirror LOL! Seriously, I think I lost sight of what I was doing at one stage I was so tired and had been pushing for so long (Flynn was posterior and took about 2 hours of pushing to get out). This time I will KNOW what is at the end, and will use that as a focus, IYKWIM?

I wish I'd known that a Stretch and Sweep was going to make my contractions irregular, was going to make me lose my plug and make me bleed, and was going to hurt so much!

I also wish I'd known that just because BFing was easy before, that no two children are alike and the next one might be much more difficult, and would require much more patience and persistence.

sushee- can i ask what a stretch and sweep actually is? i've heard it referred to a few times on this site but don't actually know what it is..

I wish I had read New Active Birth.

I wish I knew that sitting in the car and lying on my back would be the worst positions to be in. And that I should not make any decision about pain relief while in those positions.

I wish I knew that upright positions (for me the best was kneeling and leaning forward) helped open the pelvis and therefore progress labour, as well as being far more comfortable.

I wish I knew that my labour would be quicker than they were telling me.

I wish I knew how much better it felt after giving birth to have not had an epidural and be mobile.

Lucky I knew all this the second time (well except for knowing how much better it would feel afterwards).

Gracie, my best advice to you is to read up and be prepared and informed. Best of luck, I have read some of your other posts and I think you are going to be just fine.

Gracie,

it's the practise of your caregiver manually stretching your cervix and sweeping your membranes in order to seperate them from the cervix, and it's supposed to help kick start labour. In my case it actually hindered it and knowing what I know now I won't ever have one again (if I ever had another baby that is!)

Well, I had my son sooooo fast, that all of my birth plans went completely out the window. I'd bought lollies and stuff for my DH so that he would have plenty to keep his energy up in the expected hours long labour that never happened. I reckon I started labour in the second stage!! We ate them 4 days after my son was born because there just simply wasn't the time to eat them.

In the case that you happen to have a birth that isn't like the long one you're expecting I can tell you:

LISTEN TO YOUR BODY...........

Somebody on the line might be telling you that you are being "a bit over anxious". I listened to the person on the phone line thinking "well, they know what they're talking about. This is my first baby.... I know jigger all". Next time I won't be so forgiving. I'll definitely be listening to the signals my body is giving me....... boy!! are they BIG signals..... how I ignored them I will never know. The person on the phone line was soooo wrong and I think they realised that when I turned up to the hospital and they did the internal check - panic stations were suddenly hit. Don't ask how I made it to the hospital - that's a whole other story.

Be prepared for anything - birth is NOT text book.

I wish...

I had listened to my instincts about DH and hired a proper birth support person/Doula even though he didn't want that.
Someone had told me that when you push it's like you're doing the biggest poo in the world.
I hadn't bowed to the pressure from the medical profession and DH and had the induction - DS would have arrived at that time anyway and I would have been happier.
That I'd made more than one copy of my birth plan so when it was "lost" I didn't need to keep repeating all the parts of it, especially the part that said I didn't want drugs.
That you can rip any bloody monitor they put on you off if you don't want it on.
It REALLY doesn't hurt - I was expecting some pain, but seriously nothing. Then again, they'd managed to give me a spinal before DS actually came out, but I was pushing prior to any pain relief.

I wish I had known that I didn't need an obstetrician for my pregnancy and birth.

I wish i'd put the really important-to-us bits of the birth plan, like PLEASE DON"T CUT THE CORD on a sign and stuck it on the wall - my labour was so fast the midwife didn't have time to read it. She was there longer AFTER the birth than before it (was at home).

I also wish i hadn't read so much about the "stages of labour". My first stage was mainly prelabour, my 2nd stage i didn't know about until she was crowning. I wanted to push BEFORE transition, and i was seriously holding her on my tummy wondering when the pushing stage would begin.

I wish something could have given me a glimpse of the awe, joy, pride and love i felt when i held my baby. I wish i'd had some of that knowledge during the painful bits to carry me on and let me know how worth it it is to stay in tune with your body and try to avoid the drugs (i used gas and air, which was great for me because 2 breaths and i was normal again, no wearing-off time). I wish i had known more fully the feeling i would have, in the days and weeks following the birth, that i had made a transition inside, to WOMAN, that i am a powerful sexual creature who can bring foth life. I had heard about it, but it defies description. I went into labour a girl, i came out a lioness.

Bx

I wish I had followed my heart and organised a homebirth.
I wish I had trusted my body's ability to birth and my ability to cope without drugs.
I wish I had had a doula - someone who believed in me and what I could do.
I wish I had read more.

C

I wish I had known that hot showers and warm baths offer fantastic pain relief! I have heard this recommended by SO many women from their labour experiences, and I will definitely be trying it next time. I would have been unable to last time anyway, due to being hooked up to the drip... But boy I'm sure it would have been amazing...

I wish I had known that if your waters break and contractions do not begin, that you do not have to be induced within 24 hours... If this happens for me next time, I will be waiting as long as possible before letting them induce me with that dreaded syntocin again!

I wish I had thought to have another support person in there with me... as my DP was nowhere near as supportive as I needed, for a variety of reasons.

I wish I had known:

* more about birth. Inductions, pressures from the hospitals... Basically that I had read "The Thinking Womens Guide to a Better Birth" by Henci Goer, "Silent Knife" and "Active Birth"....
* more about newborns... that I started reading "Wonder Weeks" and reading the baby buddies groups of the first few months
* more about following my instincts. Both my babies were born around 42 weeks. Matilda was induced at 16 days post EDD, awful traumatic birth. Jovie was born 41 + 4 days spontaneous labour, fantastic birth.
* gone to an ABA pre-birth breastfeeding meeting
* trusted my instincts...did I say that ;)

*hugs* goodluck!!!

I wish I had informed myself as much as I have now before I had ds about birth, choices, why I didn't need an ob, my rights in hospital and not just assumed I wouldn't be taken advantage of by the people who are supposed to be trained in delivering babies. I would have trusted my body, and only used the hospital for an emergency.

I wish I had known that my DD's birth could be the complete opposite of what my birth plan was, but it was still the most incredible, amazing experience I'll ever have. So, birth plans are great, but if it doesn't go to the plan, then who cares provided you and your baby are both safe.