Was alright about it. Now I feel bad.

Hi everyone.

Well, I've just recently won a promotion and will not be going back to the job I left when I went on Maternity Leave. I will now be the manager!! This means I have to go back earlier (was slated to return in Jan 2008). But it also means that I don't have to work as many days, I'm now working in the same town and there is no lose of income due to my reduced hours.

Previously I was working 5 days a week, but I will be going back on the 3rd September 4 days a week. Monday/Tuesday working, Wednesday off, Thursday/Friday working. The people at day care told me that if I do it this way, Daniel will only have two day blocks where I'm away and he can have his "mum time" during the week.

Daniel has just turned six months old and for the last couple of weeks has been doing two half days at day care to get used to the people there. He seems fine with it all - it's me..........

I am having a massive guilt trip about going back. Ideally I would love to stay at home and breed 'til the cows come home and never go back to work, unfortunately I must go back to work. DH and I have got a mortgage and of course we will have school fees and all that stuff to look forward to. So we have to keep the roof over our heads and the steady money coming in. Here I am justifying my reasons for going back to work again. Work is just part and parcel of life. *sigh** Hopefully I will be able to show Daniel that working is important and DH and I will lead by example.

I've told DH about my "guilt trips" but all he seems to say is, "Well, I've been back at work for the last six months. At least you'll have the Wednesday off with him. I won't even get that." He's a great DH and a great father, but he doesn't appear to have much sympathy on this issue - which is odd. There's no doubt he misses Daniel a great deal during the week and has felt as though he's missed out on a lot. I reckon there'd be a lot of dads out there that feel like that. Oh to win Tattslotto!!

Is there anyone else who had to go back to work when your baby was about Daniel's age? How did you feel about it? How did your baby handle it? and if your baby is older now; Do you think it has scarred them in anyway or do you think it assisted your child in learning social skills?

Just some questions buzzing through my head at the moment. Thanks.

Hi Lestypuss

Congrats on your promotion!
I feel for you and understand exactly what you are going through.

I also won a promotion while I was on maternity leave with DS1. I had planned on taking a year off but had to return to work when he was seven months old. At the time I was really stressed about him attending childcare at his age, but looking back it was probably a good age to start childcare as he was a bit too young to be at the clingy stage and to experience separation anxiety. He slotted in quite well to childcare and I feel that for us childcare has been such a positive experience as DS1 is quite social and interacts well with other children.

Good luck with your return to work and I hope it helps you hearing some positives outcomes from an early return to work. I can honestly say it worked out well for us and DS1 did not suffer at all, in fact it was a positive as it allowed all of us to have a good balance between family and work.

Take care
Jem
In saying all of this I am was quite upset that I had to return early and felt ripped off that I didnt get my full year off from work to spend time with DS1, but like you said you have to take these opportunities as there are bills to pay and futures to plan for.

Good luck

Thank you Jem.

There is an advantage in me going back now in that, as you said, Daniel won't be in the 9 to 12 month attachment age. By the time he gets there he will have had so many people looking after his welfare, he won't be scared. I hope he remembers that I'm his mum and would jump out in front of a truck for him.

I'm really not worried about him as he will be with his grandparents for two days of the week, and day care for the other two. (My DH and I really want him to form friendships with other kids - hence the day care).

He'll be fine - I'm just being a bit silly. I do feel a bit ripped about the time off though. I was enjoying not having to answer to anyone............. oh well. I'd better lap it up next week. It's about to come to a screaming halt.

You are definitely not "siIly" - I totally understand what you mean about feeling ripped off - that is the best way to describe an early return to work. One way I tried to make it easier to return was to have nice lunches with friends while at work and quiet coffees without having to look after DS1 - and I probably hit the shops a bit too much at lunch time LOL b ut all of these things were a bit of a treat for me having to return early.

Good luck with your return to work.

Hi there.
i had to go back to work, full time, when DS was just under 6 months old, as I earn 2/3 our family income.
He is with my mum 2 days a week, and at creche for 3.
It was really really hard for me to go back to work that early, but DS adjusted really well, and really quickly to creche, and it was very easy for him to bond with his carers at that age.
There was little or no seperation anxiety when he started, and becuase he was the youngest in his age/room grouping, there were no other babies sleeping at the same times as him, to wake him up.

I still find it hard that I couldn't have 12 months off, and really want to plan to be in a financial position to have the 12 months off for no# 2.

Well, last week was my first week back at work. It went really well. Daniel enjoyed the two days (Mon and Tue) he spent with his Grandma and Grandpa (they enjoyed it equally). I really treasured the time we had together on my Wednesday off and reportedly really enjoyed himself at Day Care on Thurs and Friday. When I dropped him off on Thursday I put him on the floor and he immediately took a liking to a toy and I don't think he even noticed that I'd gone - which is exactly what I wanted (he has been in orientation there for three weeks before, so he was quite familiar with the place).

As for work......... did I even have time away???? I don't think I did. Nothing ever changes. I just get paid more now.......... thank goodness.

I don't feel as awful as I did when I originally posted. Everything really is alright and the social skills Daniel has already gained is just a phenomenon.......... I do treasure my Wednesdays off with him though - I have dubbed them "My Daniel Day"........ not Wednesday anymore.

Thanks to all who posted. You helped make me feel a lot better about the transition.

I think that you will enjoy your Daniel day long term a lot more than you would have enjoyed the extra 4 months fulltime. The way you have gone means you get to have 3 days a week seeing him grow up and sharing in that experience - I'm envious.

Yes alittlegrubi. I treasure it.

When you're working and have a baby to go home to I find you tend to leave work at home. I used to carry it home with me.

Even though my job is stressful and I have heaps more responsibilty I leave it at the door - because as soon as I see my little boy - the world just melts away. Our little family is just so important. I work to live more now - not live to work. Funny how the world turns upside down when you have a baby!! Everything I do is for him - including work.

*hugs* hun. I have not had to deal with the whole 'going back to work' situation but just wanted to let you know that you are doing what is best for your family. I'm sure it will get easier with time....

Ps. He is a REAL cutie ;)

thanks so much for sharing your experience of going back to work. I am in the process of trying to plan what I will do. I can't afford to be a stay-at-home mum, even though this is my ideal. So it is so good to hear from other mums how it has worked out for them to head back to work while the baby is still young. I hope that things continue to go well for you... Daniel is such a cutie!

hi everyone
I have just enrolled my DS in day care for 2 days a week from January 2008 - I'm freaking out about it as well so it was nice to read this thread and know other mums feel the same way as I do
I'll be going back to work for 3 days a week (my mum is looking after DS for the third day) and I'll have 2 days at home with my DS so I'm going to take some of your advice and make them special mummy and son days
the other thing i'm freaking out about is DS doesn't have much of a routine and the day care want me to give them a rough idea of what he does when arrrgghhh i have less than 2 months to try and sort out a routine now'
sorry about the thread hijack but its nice to know i'm not the only one being a total worrywart

Mel

No, you're not being a worry wart. It's hard.

Ideally I'd love to be a SAHM, but it just isn't going to happen. The education Daniel is getting at Day Care - learning from other babies his age, is just amazing.

He has really settled in to it, and so have I. It's just our routine now and I'm over the initial guilt trips I had.

It is difficult, Mel, and you kick yourself for a while, but then you learn that kids are extremely adaptable and as long as they know you love them and move the Earth for them, you'll all be good.

Routine's are hard to have with a baby so young as yours but you'll probably find, that by the time you go back to work, you'll have something worked out. They become a little more predictable as they get older.

I'm glad you all found this thread useful. I'm also glad that I am not the only one who feels this way.

i had to go back to work when ds was a similar age, and i found it very hard too. unfortunately it was harder struggling to py the bills so i had very little choice.
i have found that the upside is that i really treasure the times i get with him now - even the busride to daycare has taken on extra magicalness.
he is nearly 2 now and has always known i am his mama, which i did worry about for a while! and is learning so many things that i could never teach him - like persian.
i guess these days we have to just deal with what we've got and take heart in the fact that we are not alone in being in a less than perfect situation.
bring on the tattslotto win!