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Hi everyone,
I was hoping some can put forward their ideas for discipline methods for my children. My daughter is 5 and my son is 4 - they usually get along well but sometimes I don't like the way they argue.
Its not overly bad, until now I've given them time out but I don't think I have been consistent as I could have been and would like to know other "methods" of discipline eg. taking away toys? or taking away allll of their toys and then giving them back one by one as rewards?
thanks:)
Hi sista, welcome to BB.
Why do your children fight? If it's over a toy then I'd say if they can't play nice with the toy they don't get the toy at all - that's it for today and tomorrow. If you can encourage them to talk out a problem rather than fight I'd try to do that. As for hitting a sofa, that's a great way to release tension without hitting a sister so I wouldn't be trying to stop that just yet.
Discipline means to teach, not to punish. You can discipline your children by rewarding good play and playing with them too.
Consistency is the most important thing I'm afraid it doesn't matter how you teach them, if its not consistent it won't work. Both my kids have time out, and I also confiscate things etc or ban tv etc, but I find the most effective tool for me is praise. Showing them how they are meant to act or behave is the best way to me. I think separation and thinking time for me is the best way to deal with conflict, then to mediate and teach them the best way to deal with a situation where frustration occurs or conflict even. Then lots of hugs and apologies.
*hugs*
Cailin
I have younger children & so far I have to agree with Cailin, consistency.
My daughter is a handful and I have found that if she knows the consequences of doing something wrong, she will think twice about doing it (DD1 who is 3). She often will get frustrated with her new sister getting into her toys and touching things that were hers alone until now. I have encouraged her to vent her frustration and not hold it in.
I get down with Matilda and say "Matilda, I understand its frustrating when Jovie gets into your toys. These toys are to share with her, if you don't want to play with her, take a toy to the lounge & play there"
If that doesn't work I then say, " Matilda, why don't we try to get Jovie interested in something else?" and I take some toys away & try to encourage Jovie to play with them...
if this sparks the end of the world, I tell Matilda "I know its frustrating and hard to learn to share, why don't you have some quiet time to calm down in your bed, if you are angry you can scream into teh pillow to help settled down"
I think its safer for her to scream into a pillow than hit or have to live with the frustrating internalised, ykwim??
And like Cailin, when I find them playing together I praise them both and try to get involved so they can have fun with all of us. I sit down with them & try to do games together so they have the encouragement and I can teach them how to play together. Its hard with one only being 9 months, but I figure if they learn now it will be easier when they are older.
I agree with consistency, they need to know what to expect and you also need to be on the same page with your partner. I can't stand it when I make rules and my DH doesn't reinforce them - they get away with heaps more with him, so they tend to push the boundaries often to see what they can get. You HAVE to work out together what goes! It is hard!
I forgot to say as well, the other day I threw the lollie jar in the bin. Matilda was having a horrid day & kept screaming over the lollies so I told her if she continued to scream, I would throw it away. She continued to scream, so I picked it up and went outside & put it in the big bin. I was prepared to loose the lolly jar to teach her that I mean what I say and follow through. I mean the screaming continued for 10 minutes and then we moved onto something else.
Christy, good on you!! I know I've backed down on something before cos I said I'd throw something out and then thought OMG what possessed me to say that without thinking!!! However, consistency is the key.
WTG Christy ace effort :) Sometimes you gotta lose the lolly jar ;)
*hugs*
Cailin
I have to agree on both of those - consistency & following through on threats. If I tell Zander he will lose something if he keep doing whatever, say for example throwing a toy, I do it every time. He has now learnt that if mummy says she is going to take something away, then she will do it.
Yep thats it Sarah, my poor girl has it to the extremes though... the other day I told her if she didn't stop ignoring me when I talk to her I'd chop her ears off because she doesn't need them if she doesn't use them. Well the next time she ignored me she started crying I said whats wrong? She said I don't want you to chop my ears off coz I'll bleed to death. *oops* so mummy has learnt not to say such silly things... My sensitive little precious...
Seth is slowly learning. We have the thinking step at our house and he'll go there if he's done something he knows he shouldn't (yes even at 17 months) and he gets it and its only for a minute if that but he knows why he's there then we have cuddles afterwards and he goes back to playing. Its working a treat. With Paris it was her bed but that doesn't work with the Seth man LOL!
*hugs*
Cailin
Yep we've done time out, but on those occasions where DD attempted to flaunt the time out rules, we ramped it up for an even 'worse' consequence - removing a toy permanently. (Usually only some piece of junk, one time it was the cardboard crown from hungry jacks, LOL). She only had to see one of her things go in the wheelie bin once or twice before the time out became very effective again!
Awww poor Paris!! Ya big meanie.
And yeah we have a spot in the hallway to sit down & do the same thing after, cuddles and sorries then everything is all good.
Another good tip is the needy bins. If Paris can't look after her things or play nicely things can go in to the needy bins (Salvo's, St Vinnies etc) Because if Paris can't play nicely with her toys then we give them to someone who will. We haven't had to do follow through with it yet, but other friends of mine have and its definitely improved things.
*hugs*
Cailin
Ooh good idea :)
The good sammy bins are great! I had the three girls in the car with me when Jess and Em were fighting the whole way home over a silly toy monkey. They were probaby 6 and 4. It kept going and going and going so i said if you cant behave nicely and share im going to give put it in the bin for a little girl who behaves nicely. They didnt...so i stopped the car and swifly placed it in the sammy bin. The looks on their faces!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It made such a point though..it really made them think and forever were talking about the time mummy put their beloved toy monkey in the bin! To top it off...my dad...aware of the situation...said to them later in the week...ya know what...the other day I saw a little girl hugging a toy monkey that looked just like your one. PRICELESS!
So id definately recommed following though!!
Jo