So Unfair!!

hi everyone
i just wanted to share my story with you today.
i was 12 weeks and a day and on our way to u/s for the down syndrome testing i had had my blood test done a couple days before.i was very confident that our little bundle of joy was a healthy mover and shaker as i had been bed ridden with morning sickness for the whole 3 months and hadent left the house and i was ravenous with hunger and eating every 45 mins even through the night.i had already put on 10 kilos the pregnancy was impossible to keep quiet as we were beside our selves with happiness we had been trying since our wedding and finally our turn had come.i also started to show at 7 wks.anyway back to the u/s.seeing bub on the screen filled my heart with happiness i had a smile from ear to ear i was suprised that bub wasnt bigger.he sead the words bub only measures 2.5 cm making you 9 wks and 2 days which i knew wasnt right and then came....... im sorry there is no heart beat.this is not a viable pregnancy.i went into shock,i dont think it hit me for atleast 15 mins.i couldnt feal my legs.we drove home and screamed and cryed i had no idea what was to happen now and how bub was ging to come out,we called doctor and drove straight in was put into a room by ourselves for almost an hour.then finally a doctor,i was a blubbering mess and couldnt get any questions out.he sent us up the coast to another doctor at 4pm i had no idea what was happening there.he told me i nead a d &c and i could get in tomorrow .that night was the worst night of my life carying my child dead.i had no sign of misscariage i was still ill the morning of u/s.im still bleeding from d&c and my boobs are still sore and massive.my hormones are all over the shop.i find comfort in hubby and my mum who are my strength.i dont think ill ever get over it.i feel its so unfair.i want to try again i dont know what ill do if i cant be a mum.i have 2 cats and i treat them like my babies.i can only hope that good things come to those who wait and that our little darling bub knows that it was loved from the moment of conception to when its tiny heart stopped.
bighug to everyone else out there,thinking of you all.:cry:

dear sally,
i am so sorry about your loss, my experience was rather similar to yours, i cant think of anything more terrifying than going for an ultrasound and hearing those words, especially when as far you know all is well.
my d&c was 17 days ago, i would have been 12 weeks yesterday.
i am truly sorry that you had to experience the loss of your baby, i am sure that your angel baby knew all the time how much s/he was loved and still is.
As for the hormones, it took about a week or so for my boobs to return to normal, emotionally i am still a little unstable (i feel that is to be expected, how does one get over something like this?) my uterus has only just begun to shrink, my baby was only the size of a 4-5 wk but my body thought it was 9wks and my bump was just visable, for me that was the hardest thing, feeling that, knowing it was empty.
i too can sympathise with the feeling of knowing you were carrying your dead child. That was all i thought about the night before my d&c, that i had been walking around for a whole month and i hadnt known.......
you have come to the right place sally, bb has been the best thing for me, i hope you receive all the support and hugs you need :hugs:
starrysky xxxx

:hugs: I too have heard those words.. twice now.. I wish all the best in the future

oh, Sally, i am so sorry for your loss. :hug: i wish this never had to happen to anyone ever again. i too, had the experience of finding out my sweet baby had died when i went to my regularly scheduled ultrasound. it is such a traumatic event, and no one can ever be quite the same after again.

i am so glad that you can rely on your mom and dh for support through this horrible period and for the grief that will follow. hang on to this support and allow them into your heart. time will also be our friend, it just feels like it takes forever to feel a bit better. i have finally started to have more "good days" than bad ones. you are right, though, you will never forget your baby. and your baby knows through its physical and emotional link to you that he or she was and still is loved and wanted. you will always be a mom to your baby. please be good to yourself and allow your grief to flow, even though it is painful. hugs to you and your dh. xxoom

Im so sorry hun, i too have heard these words twice, and no its not fair at all.
There is nothing i can say or do that will make your pain any easier. You both need to grieve in your own way for your sweet angel and give your self time to heal.
Your baby will always be apart of you both. Some things that you could do to help with the healing is naming your baby, planting a tree, letting some balloons go, or a bracelet for you with your baby's name on it.

Dont rush the healing process, its important that you grieve properly for your child.
Your definatly surrounded by beautiful people here.

hugs
treelo

Sally, i'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

I too have been in the same situation you are in now, it's not easy.
I'm glad you have the support of your DH & Mum & all of us girls/guys here on BB.

Wishing you all the best sweetie, take care.

That really, really sucks. The exact same thing happened to me...and it got worse from there (briefly)...But now, I have my beautiful 4 year old son, and another bouncing boy on the way in the next month or so.

All the very best to you. Our babies are made in love, grow in love, and know they are loved, regardless of if we have them for a minute, a month or a lifetime.

*hugs*

thankyou soooooo much for these kind words,they definately help our hurting hearts.and give me strength.

Sally
Just read this with tears so so similar... Im sure one day and hopefully soon we can have little ones to hold on our arms

Hi sally

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your little angel its one of the hardest things you will ever go through and you are right you will never get over you just learn how to move forward i lost my little girl a yr ago now and i still cry all the time i just wish she was hear with me sharing our lives together and playing with her big brother i just never no who i will stop crying and feeling down all the time i think it just takes time and you need to let your body greive. i wanted to say i no how you felt knowing that you have your baby in your tummy knowing it is dead i went to my 20 wks scan and found out my baby had so many problems it wouldnt survive in the outside world she had problems with her kidneys and lungs and her genitals and had no bladder but the saddest thing was she had the strongest heartbeat so i had to have a injection through my tummy to stop her heart and then had to have some tablets the next day to sofen my cervix ready for labour and then i had to wait 2 days after having the tablets to give birth so she was inside me for 4 days i just hated it it was the hardest thing ever. be kind to yourself always hear to talk

Munchy xxx

Dear Sally, I feel for you and all the other women. Your story Sally is similar to mine. I thought I was ok (devestated obviously - but ok) then I just fell into a heap thinking I'd never be a mum - and it wasn't to be my lot in life etc. I had absolutley no-one close who had shared this experience. I didn't know about BB either - so sadly my head just got really messed up! I have since had two babies and know that absolutley they are "meant to be" as the pregnancys were difficult and supported by drugs - but it's never replaced my saddness and wonder at the first babe I tried to support - so Sally and you others you are lucky to find friends and support here (me too now I know about it) and I wish you love and hope OIE

Sally

My heart is breaking for you , so sorry for you loss. You will never get over it but you will get through it. You are in a great place for support and understanding so make sure you stick around.
Take care of yourself and hubby, it is a rough time but like I said you will come out the other side.