Feeling of guilt... Physically & Mentally Drained

In less than 8 weeks comes my BIG DAY! For the past few weeks, I haven't been able to sleep well at all. The constant turning in bed makes it hard for me to sleep regardless of how many pregnancy pillows I purchased to help support my belly and back. The fact of the matter is that I can't seem to sleep comfortably on my left side (as the doctor said I should) for the whole night. I have been very self-conscious to stay on my left side, but when I do fall asleep, I wake up finding myself on my right side or even on my back. I have done a lot of research on the internet regarding safety issues for pregnant women to be sleeping on other positions rather than the left. Finally, I have come to one conclusion is that if I sleep on any other position beside the left side - it could possibly cause inadequate nutrients and blood flow to my baby. So, here I am, I've been feeling so guilty these past days because I am unable to keep myself on my left side at all times. I feel so emotional to a point I feel like bursting out in tears! I am just so scared that something wrong will or have already happen to my bub... :cry:

This awful feeling of heaviness is impeding me in doing anything without thinking about the health of my baby. Instead of talking to DH about this, I have kept it to myself because I don't want to give him any pressure as if he already doesn't have enough from work. So, instead of talking to someone about this issue, I turn myself to the computer reading up articles that are related to possible complications to a baby without adequate blood supply... of course, there are tons of these articles... one of which I came upon was cerebral palsy. Here I am, the more I am reading it, the more freaked out I get. I feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff with this feeling of guilt! Am I getting something like prenatal depression or is this a common thing a pregnant woman experience before she delivers... this is my first baby and was a planned pregnancy. So far, I've had BT, NT scan, and Ultrasounds done... no problems were detected, but why am I preoccupied in negativity?

Sorry for writing such a long post, but I felt like this was something I needed to do in order to vent out my feelings as I really don't want to share this yet with DH/family/friends so that they are all worried about me...

Oh Carmen2 you sound like you have gotten yourself so stressed out you poor sweetie.

I am sure you bubs will be fine, with all my other pg i have slept whatever position is comfortable and have never heard about having to sleep only on the left, that would make me only want to sleep in any other position but the left (murphys law).

I would stop reading the info on the net if it is making you worry more, maybe call your Dr and explain how you are feeling and that you are finding it impossible to sleep on the left side at all. Hopefully he will put your mind at ease.

Easily said but try not to put so much pressure on yourself, millions of women haven't slept on their left side at all during pg and have had beautiful healthy babies.

Find something to do that is going to take your mind off it.

Good luck sweetie, remember you are doing a great job.

xoxoxoxo

Try not to worry too much about how you sleep. I can't sleep on my left side for any long period of time due to complications of previous unrelated surgery so I spend most of my sleeping time on my right side. I have one beautiful son and now a precious daughter on the way and have had no problems. I don't sleep on my back anymore as it makes me breathless but the right v's left thing is not an absolute rule. The left side is supposed to be better for positioning the baby for birth but I do pelvic rocking and tilts on all fours throughout the day to try and get my bub into a good position and so far she is head down so all is well!

Good luck, you'll be meeting your little miracle in no time and the worry and anxiety will all just dissolve.

carmen i have to say that i have been sleeping however i can to get a good night's sleep. i change all night from left to right and didn't even realise this could be a problem. the only thing that i've found that really helps me is to put a normal pillow between my legs. i don't know why this works but i find it really comfy. allgirls is right when she says you need to put less pressure on yourself. you're doing the best that you can and should be proud of yourself.

I think your doctor is a little overdone on that point. The left side is ideal, because of the good blood flow to the baby, but being on your right side is certainly not going to harm your little one. I sleep that way all the time. Being on your back is not great, because the blood returning to your heart is impeded by the weight of your uterus resting on that main vessel, but if you happen to wake up that way, don't stress. Just turn a little, and go back to sleep. (If you can!) I've also slept with one hip up on a pillow to shift the weight off the centre of my body when lying on my back, if nothing else works. (I'm not really recommending that, but if you can't sleep any other way, then you could try that.)
Also, I sometimes find I have a much better sleep on the couch, because the cushions are softer, and I don't worry if I have to turn over. When I'm in bed, I worry about disturbing DH, and try to hold still. But on the couch, I can toss and turn to my heart's content. :) HTH!

I agree with Cricket on the doctor over doing it a little. I sleep on my stomach kinda. SOunds real bad but its kinda on my side with leg bent up and my belly kinda goes out to the side. I cant sleep on my sides or flat on my back at all due to an old back injury and my OB isnt concerned at all. He says whatever is comfortable goes. If the mother is less stressed its gotta be better for the baby.

I didn't even realise their was a certain side i had to sleep on and now that i think of it i have been sleeping on my right side all through-out my PG, I even slept on my belly the other night because i found the perfect way to get comfy using about 100 pillows and i had the best nights sleep i've had in ages!

my dr told me that you should sleep however you can get comfortable because if you were doing damage or restricting blood flow you wouldn't be comfortable.. i have heard its not suggested you sleep on your back so when i cant get comfortable on my side like someone else said i just pop a pillow under my hip that tilts me to the side... try not to worry too much (i know easier said than done) plenty of ppl whove had healthy babies that ive mentioned things like this too have never even heard of it before..

Carmen...

With my first pregnancy (15 months ago) - I got sleep apnoea and I couldn't relax or sleep at all. When I did drop off to sleep, I would wake up gasping for air. It was horrible. I had tests done, and it was probably caused by the extra weight and stress. A little while after the birth, I went back to regular sleeping. At the time I spoke to my GP and my Obstetritian about it because I was worried about the baby. I want to mention, my Ob is one of the very best in Melbourne. He is a professor in Obs and is head of Obs at Monash... so he knows what he's talking about. He told me not to worry what side I slept on... or if I wanted to sleep on my back it would be fine. And I gave birth to a 9lb/4kg healthy boy.

I'm pregnant again, and thankfully I don't have sleep apnoea this time. Maybe I'm a little bit more relaxed about it? I toss and turn in my sleep... but that's normal for me.

The best thing you can do for your baby is RELAX. If you can get some sleep - on any side - that will help your baby.

You should also try some relaxation/sleeping techniques. Like taking deep breathes in through your nose - out your mouth. Try to do 50 of them... and you will usually be asleep half way through ;)
Another thing is to relax each part of body. start with your toes/feet. let them sink into the bed. Then your legs, your torso, your arms, your neck, your head. Deep breathing as you do it.
Drink a glass of warm milk. No coffee/caffeine for 3-4 hours before sleep time.
And finally... burn some lavender essential oil to calm you down too.

I'ld also suggest you stop reading stuff on the internet. It seems to make you more stressed out. And that is not a good thing for you or the baby. A happy mummy makes a happy baby. A relaxed mummy makes a relaxed baby. You and your baby will be fine.

I'm not sure about the left side sleeping thing... but I think it is a concern for really obese pregnant women. With my first pregnancy, I put on about 25 kilos ... and my doctor still said not to worry about it.

Carmen, I phsyically can't sleep on my left side throughout the night, try though I do! My hip ends up killing so I invariably shift over to my right side at some point. After a while my right hip starts hurting from the pressure so I flip back onto my left side! I figure, as long I am getting sleep and recharging my batteries, that this is more helpful to bub and me than trying to stay in the one position all night long and literally losing sleep over it - it's hard enough to sleep in one position normally, let alone when you're not pregnant!
I was talking to my mum about this left side sleeping thing the other day and she said "oh I slept in any old position with you and your brother" - and we turned out just fine! :)

Sweetie.... RELAX!! I have 2 happy healthy kids & I slept how ever I could. Stress & lack of sleep is not good for you or your baby you know. Go & lay down, get comfortable however you can & have a nice long nap. Enjoy it! Everything will be OK!

Carmen - just echoing what everyone else has told you - relax and sleep however you are comfortable. Like cricket said, the recommendation not to sleep on your back is due to the weight of your uterus impeding maternal - not foetal - circulation. So if you were having that problem, you would be uncomfy and want to move anyway.
I was only told to sleep on my left to try and encourage bubs to turn to an ideal position for birth (which, as Kris pointed out - you can do other things to help encourage this). Otherwise it was whatever was comfy and I def. did NOT stay on my left.
Just relax and know that you are doing the best for your baby.

A big thank you to all of you girls for all the comforting words, words of encouragements, and advices. I just came back from my doctor and have discussed with her that it is nearly impossible for me to sleep on the left side the whole night. I finally asked if it is okay to sleep on my right side or if I were to accidentally slept on my back. She said it was okay as long as I try my best to stay on the left side which I will but at least, right now, I can have the peace of mind when I do lay in bed.

Last night, when DH came home, he noticed that I looked stressed and worried. So, I told him what I've been thinking/worrying these past few weeks. DH was so understanding, he was very reassuring.

Like you all said, I think it's best for me to just try to relax and wait for the upcoming birth of my baby instead of reading all the articles on the internet because it seems like it's doing more damage to me than anything. I feel really stupid right now for putting myself through this unnecessary stress.

Being able to share my feelings on BB definitely provided me the support I needed... or shall I say the kick I needed to pull myself through this. Thank you all so much for being available!

Carmen i just wanted to chime in here. I slept however i could get comfortable - optimal foetal positioning is NOT going to give you an easy labour if you're totally exhausted because you haven't slept for 2 months! My baby was getting towards posterior ( she wasn't back to back, but she was more than half way there, with her back against the back right side of my ribcage, from lying on my back in the bath for 3 hours) at the start of what turned out to be a 4 hour labour, eventually being in the bath got uncomfortable, i got out, i got leaning forward and rocked (which was what felt most comfortable at the time) and she shifted really quick. Yes, it's important to some extent, but your rest is FAR more important.

For millions and millions of years women have been birthing without the advice of doctors. It is only in the last couple of hundred years in the west that doctors have been cutting people open after death to see what is where and how it works. I KNEW late in pregnancy that i was compressing something because the baby wriggled and poked, my legs went *****ly (pins and needles-y) and i felt breathless - i didn't need a doctor to tell me to move! Your BODY and your BABY will tell you when to move, how to lie etc. Listen to your body - however you are most comfortable, regardless of what the doctor says, is how you should be lying. How many of us have been told by a doctor when in labour to lie on our back even though every muscle, every fibre is SCREAMING at us to move, kneel, rock, walk, squat? The only people i know who needed to be told to move as baby wasn't happy due to blood flow problems were in labour and had had a spinal block or epidural and couldn't FEEL what their body was telling them anymore. Your body will tell you what to do, it will finish growing and birth your baby just FINE, don't stress.

:hugs:

Bx