Baby crying

My baby boy is now close to 6 weeks. The first couple of weeks he was confused with day and night i.e. he sleeps during the day and is awake at night. Thus, after 4 weeks he was able to differentiate between day and night. However, my concern is when my baby cries due to sleepiness, bored etc. I am expected to let him cry himself to sleep which i find sometimes work, but most of the time it doens't. I am sometimes pressured to leave him crying for over half an hour and it really hurts me to see and hear him crying so much.Is it alright for babies to be crying this much? Has anyone got any suggestions?

hey lan
i also find it hard to listen to my bub cry. sometimes i find if i pick him up and sit with him for about 5-10 mins (still wrapped) he will fall back to sleep and then i can put him back in his cot. he seems to like that last cuddle and then he is ok to go to sleep.

Wow this is a really individual question. Some leave their babies to cry and some pick their little ones up. What I do because it works for Olivia is I put her in her cot when she is awake, but ready for bed, and she has a little grizzle and drops off. When she doesn't drop off I go in to her, give her her dummy, rub her forehead until she settles down a little bit then leave her and I do this as often as I feel I need to. I have no set times when I go in to her or how often. I do what I think she needs at the time. Best of luck.

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I am expected to let him cry himself to sleep which i find sometimes work, but most of the time it doens't. I am sometimes pressured to leave him crying for over half an hour and it really hurts me to see and hear him crying so much.

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Why are you expected and pressured to let him cry? This can be stressful not only for him but also yourself. Why is he crying (wind/reflux/tired etc). Babies are only little for such a short time, my advice would be if you feel the need to pick him up and cuddle him then do it. You won't spoil him by giving him cuddles. I remember when DD was little we would cuddle her to sleep some nights and when she drifted off we would pop her in her cot. It was a great bonding time for us too. The time will pass so quickly and before you know it they will be too big to cuddle to sleep. The MCHN told me to put her in the cot while she was awake so she would learn to go off on her own but we really only did this when she was happy. Sometimes we stroked her face down her nose which made her close her eyes and she was relaxed and drifted off. This works for DS too although he is a pretty good sleeper at the moment. DD is now 3 and has her nights when she doesn't want to go to sleep but she does after about 10 minutes and the best nights are the rare occassions when we hop into bed for a cuddle with her as she drifts off.

It's up to the individual to let a bubs cry to sleep or not, but have you spoken to anyone about it?? Just wondering as I asked some people, another Mum, CHN, Midwife & so on & each one said a baby is too young at that age to let cry to sleep...that's just what I've been told. I myself couldn't leave such a small bubs cry it out, at that age they are learning so many new things - we couldn't get Charlie to put himself to sleep until around 2-3 months, we would wrap him & sit in the rocking chair, this I didn't mind as he was only so very small anyway & didn't wriggle etc....don't think I'd want to be rocking him in 2yrs LOL. You can only do what works for you, but have you tried other things than just leaving bubs to cry?

Ooooh yeah sorry forgot to add....same as nikbrad....why are you expected to let him cry???

The general rule is that you shouldnt use cry it out techniques with bubs under 6 months. This is because they dont have any concept of object permanence eg They dont understand that something can still be there even when they cant see it. In their head if they cant see you (or hear you etc) you aren't there. This is very distressing for a bub. Using cry it out methods after 6 months is generally a matter of individual preference, but 6 weeks is far too young.

Thanks all for sharing your advice and experience. I have seek advice from midwifes, my obstetrician and other family members, but they all seem to advice us to leave our baby Jason crying as they say crying will never hurt babies regardless of how long they cry for. To answer Erin and Nikbrad question about 'why am i expected to leave Jason crying'....well, the advices from doctors, midwifes and relatives had basically further encouraged my husband to expect me to leave Jason cry to sleep every single time or at least half an hour. My husband says his helping me out by letting Jason cry to sleep, that way Jason won't be a spoil to us both later on and that he'll learn to sleep himself. The other day i spoke to a local council and she advised me to pick our baby up everytime he cries and avoid spoiling him, so that night i tried picking him up and cuddling him every single time...but it just doesn't to work as well, he just basically cried that night everytime i let him down...therefore, i was so exhausted by the morning and left him crying for over 20minutes and he fell asleep soon after that. So, right now i'm just so tied and confused, but when i ask my husband to help out, most of the time he'll just leave Jason crying for an extended time which is pointless because i won't get to rest that way as well.

Isnt it difficult when you get conflicting advice?
Remember that just because something works for crying doesn't mean it is the best thing to do. Controlled crying works because your baby learns that his needs aren't responded to so there is no point in persisting. This can affect your baby's relationship with you later on. Crying is the only real method of communication that your young baby has. Responding to your baby's needs is important for building his sense of trust and attachment. My suggestion is to do some good research yourself either through your local council which should have a support network for new mums, or through some reliable websites. Good luck!
I am in QLD and you can look at the QLD government department of communities for advice and contacts.

Do what is right for you. Yes you need to parent together but why is Jason crying and if you want to pick him up then do it. My advice on advice (and you can to whatever you like with mine!) is everyone will be full of advice, some will work for you some won't, take what works for you and throw the rest out the window. As Jasons is crying, are you doing controlled crying with him ie are you trying to settle him in his cot then leaving the room for a short period then going back in or are you leaving him for 30 minutes at a time. (Does that question make sense?) It's it really hard job being a mum and I remember with my first I thought I was doing everything wrong. We put a lot of expectations on ourselves as mums so I'm sure you are doing your best which is just fabulous. Do you use a dummy? Another way I've settled my kids if they have woken during the night is to rub their tummies and just say shhhhhh over and over in a whisper. If you feel the need seek out a sleep school in your area but in saying that I think some of those go for the controlled crying but I might be wrong I'm just going on what I've read.

Hi,

The first 6 weeks with a baby are VERY tough going. It is so hard to read their signals (they are telling us what they want - it's just that we speak a different language!) We can learn their language. The fabulous thing is they love us and forgive us when we make mistakes!
Babies are born to be with their mother. There is really no such thing as a baby. There is a baby and another (usually the mother) a baby alone would not last. Our body is their environment. We feed them, we keep them company, we keep them warm. Our breathing regulates their breathing, our heartbeat regulates theirs. Their crying is designed to cut through a mother's nerves - it is a signal to go to them, to comfort them and help them sort out the problems they have. The first task of a baby is to learn trust. It's kind of exhausting and repetitive for mummies. They cry.....we come, they cry we come....they cry we come. Through doing this they learn that they are not alone in their world. They learn they are loved and lovable. And they learn they can feel secure and trust their environment. And when they can do that, they learn to be more independant. So independance doesn't come from being forced to do it alone, or do it the hard way, it comes from being loved and secure.
Over time you will learn the difference between a whingy sort of a cry that means "I'm tired, leave me a lone, or help me go to sleep" Or a cry that is just going to escalate and become more hysterical and leave him redfaced and gasping and your nerves ragged and on edge. You will learn whether going in and patting or soothing or cuddling will get him back to sleep, or whether it would be just better to let him toss and turn for a little while or even have a little cry, and he'll go back to sleep. Sometimes you will need to try it both ways for a number of days before you can evaluate what worked best. And then you will find that what works in the morning doesn't work in the afternoon, and what worked in the afternoon today doesn't work tomorrow. You will learn when to help them sleep so that they don't get overtired and overstimulated. You might find that talks through your local Australian Breastfeeding Association or Child Health service will help.
I must respectfully disagree that it's just a matter of choice whether to leave your child to cry it out or not. It is fairly well researched that sensitive and attuned parenting allows a child to grow and develop to it's full potential.
On the other hand, if you are well "over it" as any parent will be from time to time, when you haven't got any resources left to help your baby, it is safe to leave him securely in his cot and go outside into the fresh air and leave him to have a bit of a cry. He'll get over it. You'll be a better mum for the break.
Good on your for the work you are doing being a great mum to your little one
Warm Regards
Barb

Well said Barb, this is what I was trying to say in a round about way.

As Jason is now 7 weeks, i'm getting familier with his crying tone...most of the time i'd prefer to pick him up and settle him, but other times i feel the need to let him cry for at least 10minutes consistently...as that seem like the only way to get him tied and go to sleep. Most of the time, my husband will leave him crying for over half an hour consistently. But now thanks to all your advice, i have persuaded my husband to let him cry for a max of 10 minutes only and then settle him. I have tried CC however i find it doesn't work for me at all, as everytime i walk in to calm my baby and walk out again, he'll start screaming and crying twice as much instead of calming down..so i'd prefer not to use that tactic. I have also tried giving him the dummy, but he just doesn't like it and will spit it out as soon as i put it in his mouth. Thanks for the great advice Barb, it is really helpful as i'm able to be more familiarise with babies feelings. I guess i'll just do what is suited for me and my baby most and ignore the conflict advices about letting my baby cry to sleep or to an extended time.

I used control crying for my first bub from an early age because of pressure from everyone around me. I hated every second of it. It has not made him a better sleeper. Now at 4 years old he hates to be left alone to go to sleep. Maybe a result of being left to cry when he was young, who knows BUT now that DS # 2 has arrived I am doing everything different. I refuse to let him cry himself to sleep. I am enjoying DS # 2 sooo much more. He is now 5 months and I do not regret cuddling him until he goes to sleep. I have been easing him into his cot to go to sleep and has been going really well. I have a baby sleep cd of music on which helps.

It is all a matter of opinion but do what you are comfortable with. You definately will not spoil him by giving him some cuddles before he goes to sleep. He is a tiny baby - enjoy him.