Your thoughts and comments appreciated

Hi

I am brand new to bellybelly and at the moment I am having a bit of a crisis! I am 21 years old (almost 22) and have just have my 3rd laparoscopy in 3 years. And again, for the 3rd time, they have found a lot of endo of which has been lasered off and cut out (for now). As many of you may know, going through this is a very emotionally draining and stressful thing.

I just feel like I can't continue to do this - I have tried the hormones, I have tried homeopathy and obviously the surgical methods. I feel like my next step is to have a baby. And I know I am young (yes, I'm about to post a post on the young people thread) but I feel at a loss about what to do. I am about to finish university and once I start working next year I beleive I will be able to financially save to bring a child into the world (I have already been living away from home for 5 years).

I'm just so confused and lost and I really need someone to talk to that knows what it's like to be in this situation so please, if you are reading this and you can relate, I would really appreciate anything you can say.

Hi
I was Dx'd with endo at 24. I am now the ripe old age of 38 and have finally some peace. I have had an IUD called Mirena put in. It has taken nearly a year for af to settle but it is now. You can have it put in and then when you want to get pg just get it taken out before hand.
For some people ( almost everyone I know who has it in, but not me:( ) It has stopped their af completly. I still get a very light af, very different to the heavy ones that I would use two packs of maternity pads, for. I still get a bit of pain, but again nothing like it used to be. Having a b aby does help for some but bear in mind that it may not be the answer you are looking for, my af got a lot heavier ,& longer.:doh:
Good luck and If you need to vent I will listen!

I've read both your posts on this subject and I would suggest you think very carefully about having a child right now. On the other post you say your partner is not wanting a child. If you did fall pregnant to him the child would be his as well (even if he didn't want it) and that would put huge pressure on him. Also if after giving birth you found that your finances were not up to it you might then decide to gain financial support from him which would also be unfair to him.

Children are not cheap, particularly if you are working and have to put them in daycare - expect to lose around half your pay on that alone.

I think there can be a lot of pressure with ladies with endo or pcos or cysts to have babies young. A couple of stories for you that might help you make your decision.

My cousin was told she had very little chance of conceiving because of debilitating cysts that she'd had many operations for. She felt the pressure to start trying I think at 21 and was pregnant the very first month she tried. She also fell pregnant soon after giving birth. Both pregnancies were without any assistance. After the second birth her husband went missing for three days due to the stress of it all. He husband was not ready to be a father and seriously didn't expect the pregnancies to happen so quickly... they muddled along for several years but eventually broke up broke up. He's never been a good father to those kids.

An old friend of mine had severe endo. She spent most days each month with her AF and had severe pain and was always taking days off work because of it. In her early twenties she did not manage to fall pregnant. Her husband died and she remarried. In her late twenties & early thirties she managed to have 3 children (not sure if she had assistance with them as we only swap Xmas cards now).

I guess what I'm saying don't feel pressured into having children young because of a medical diagnosis.

Hi

Thanks - that's a good perspective to have.

I agree with what you are saying about my partner - it has to be a decision we make together. As for the financial side of things, I will be a lawyer shortly so I cant see money being an issue. My parents have had a very ugly divorce and still (12 years on) try each other for money. I just wouldn't do that, seeing what it has done to them as people. But I appreciate your point.

So your point was not to feel pressured because of medical diagnosis and that has triggered the question in my head of whether this is about the medical side of things or just the fact I cant emotionally handle the medical issues that I am faced with and the potential effects of those issues - where does that leave me? I'm not sure but that you again - you are making me think :D

I had had the same amount of laps at your age for endo, I had my first at 17. I am now in my 30's and have had 9 laps all up.

I would say don't have a baby just because of your diagnosis. I didn't start my family until recently, although through IVF. I always worried about being able to conceive but never brought it forward, I had the philosophy to live life as I would if I didn't have endo.

Also, lasering is not an effective treatment of endo, you might want to get another opinion about your treatment.

wow - 9 laps! that's incredible, I don't think I could be that strong. If you don't mind me asking, how did you cope having 9 laps - is there something you did to help your emotions?

yep, lots of counselling, sometimes anti depressants, I am currently receiving counselling and taking anti depressants because you are right it does take a toll. The last few laps have been easier though as the techniques used have improved and I have much less pain which makes things easier. My gynea is great too and very honest about possible outcomes.

I have also learnt to live with it too, I know it's there and I am not shy about asking my GP for pain relief or taking the odd day off work when I need too. You need to look after yourself.

Hi,

I think counselling might be on the cards for me too - I feel so empty, like a part of me has died. The first two laps were hard but this one has really hurt me; physically and emotionally and I feel so alone.

Thank you so much for your advice, I really appreciate it