How do I get through this??

When I woke up on Tuesday morning I was 12 weeks pregnant. I had a tiny bit of spotting so I brought my ob visit forwards from today to Tuesday afternoon. On Tuesday afternoon at the obs I found out that my baby had passed away, and yesterday morning I had a D&C.

I was coping quite well until today - mainly because part of me had a feeling that something was wrong and to have it confirmed, while it was my ultimate fear, was not a complete surprise. Today though, I just feel like I could collapse into a heap :cry: I don't know how I am going to get through this. I have a 3 year old DD that I have to be there for, and while I always realised how precious she is, I really do know it now. My DH is being fantastic as well, all the while he is trying to cope with his own grief.

How am I going to get through the next week? I just feel at the moment like my life has been completely devastated :cry:

Megsmum, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Although I haven't experienced this myself, I wanted to post a reponse here so that you would know that I'm thinking of you. I'm sure others will contribute more useful advice but this is what I can suggest:
a) Give yourself time to grief - acknowledge that you have suffered a loss and recognise that for the next month things are going to be tough. Put a time frame on it initially and know that most people are able to overcome trauma in 1 month (not that you still won't grieve but it won't be the same as the intial trauma reaction).
b)Don't put on a happy face when you don't absolutely have to. That might mean arrange someone to look after your DD for a while so you can have some time alone. That might mean crying alone when you need to.
c) Allow your hubby to grieve in his own way but communicate to him how he can best support you. "I really need cuddles etc right now".
d) When you are ready, turn your thoughts to how you would like to remeber your angel be it dedicating a new plant in your garden, a poem or a special piece of jewellery.
e) Remember previous times in your life when you've faced similar tradegies and think about how you overcame them (you did overcome them becuase you are strong!).

My prayers are with you..

Susannah, I am so sorry for your loss. I have not been through this myself so I can only imagine you heartache. Sending you big hugs.:hugs:

Megsmum, So sorry to hear of you loss, your story us too familiar. Its been 7 weeks since i lost my little angle. My thoughts are with you.

Megsmum, I am so sorry about your loss :hug:
Having recently gone through one myself - although not as far along as your angel - i can relate to your feelings.
Although no one can magically make everything better it is good to let it all out where and whenever you need to. It's ok to get angry, feel ripped off and rant about it. It's ok to feel sad, hurt and cry about it.
Please remember to look after yourself and if you can, use the support of your loved ones to help you get through the pain.
Thinking of you

Megsmum - i'm so sorry for your loss, take as much time as you need to get over this, there is no magical wand that can be waived to make everything ok, i guess just look to meg and your dh and know that you have their love and support. meg may not understand but i'm sure she can see her mum is upset, give her as many cuddles as she'll let you give her. you will get through this, just take the time to grieve. you and your family are in my thoughts.

Susannah,

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is a hard thing to go through. I felt the same as you during my frist pg and at 18 weeks I had my feelings confirmed that my bubba was gone. It doesn't make your sadness or grief any less.
You will need to give yourself time to grieve your bubba. Take time alone if you can to cry and kick and scream if you need to. Could you maybe leave your DD with someone and have a few hours with your DH to just be together.
I hope I'm not being offensive in saying that, I noticed in your ticker that you have had a few m/c's in a row. Are you having any tests and things done? Maybe that will help ease your mind. I know when I had my second m/c I had lost of tests and things done and it helped a bit to know what was going on. And perhaps some councelling? I never had any but now in hindsight I think it would have been good for me to talk to someone about my feelings. Someone not close to me and removed from the situation.
Try to take it easy. Again I'm sorry for your loss. Sending BIG HUGS.

Susannah,

I am crying for you right now - I can feel how painful this must be for you having lost 3 babies myself over the last 2 years. It is heartbreaking and I have found giving myself lots of time to feel all the emotions and let them out has helped.

After the first m/c (10 weeks) my husband, daughter and I bought a helium balloon and attached our own personel messages for the baby to it and went to a field, let the balloon go and said goodbye. We waited until it was completely out of sight and all had a cry together. It was very healing and felt like we were honouring our baby and our pain.

Sending you huge hugs:hug:

Sussanah,

I am so so sorry to hear of your loss - nothing right now will take away your pain - just cry sweetie get it out, rant rave do what ever you wish right now its your right. Life sure isn't fair sometimes.
In time the pain will not be so raw but you learn to live with it in some strange way - i still cry over my angels at times and the sadness is still there. Oh sweetheart all i can do is send you a prayer to help you get thru this time. BE kind to yourself and don't rush things - everyone deals with greif in different ways - all i wanted to do was cry until i could cry no more. I am thinking of you.

Megsmum I am so so sorry! I had been following your journey (via your ticker) and I was saddened to hear that lil one passed away - :grouphug: so so sorry!

Susannah i am so sorry for your loss :hug:

I am very sorry for your loss. I agree that time to yourself (if you want it) can be helpful. Its not very easy to always keep a happy face on for your little one when you feel sad inside. Some time to yourself to let it out might take some pressure off. I found a grief counsellor to be helpful, and talking about it and having it acknowledged by others helped to.
Take care.

Susannah sweetie, I am so sorry to hear you are feeling this way, but I think it's only natural so early on.

I wish I had some words of wisdom to help you through this awful time but unfortunately I don't :( There's nothing I can say to make this any easier, but we're all thinking of you.

I think the only thing you can do is to acknowledge your grief and let it play out, as the other girls have said.

Perhaps some grief counselling would help you? That's something I wish I'd done because it took me soooo long to get to the point where I felt I could move on.

My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family. :hug:

Hi Susannah
I'm sorry to hear your sad news :hug:.
It can be hard to be strong at this time, to keep a happy face around your little girl. My 3 year old found me crying in the loo a few times as I didn't want to let my kids see me upset as they were already going through seperation anxiety from me being in and out of hospital. So my heart goes out to you and your family at this time.
Try and have some me time and look after you. Take every day hour by hour.
If you want to private message me.
Take care
Chris

I'm sorry to hear of your loss Megsmum. You will get through it. Just take each day as it comes. Remember there's always someone here day or night who can help you get through those dark moments when no-one is around who understands. Take care.

Thank you so much everyone for all the messages of support - I have had tears in my eyes as I read them all :cry:

I am still very emotionally shattered - today has been a difficult day, my first venture out into the world where people ask you that innocent question "How are you?" I'm sure they don't want to know that I am feeling like absolute and utter cr@p :( But I do know that I will have to take it day by day, and that it will take some time.

I have had a few glimmers of hope though - DH and I have started to talk about conceiving another, and we are both determined not to give up. I have so many questions for my ob, and I'm impatiently waiting for my 4 week visit to go over my options for future pregnancies. Kellieem, you are not being offensive in the least asking if I have had any investigations. I have had cardiolipin antibodies, lupus and ANA testing done - all normal. But I fully intend to ask for more blood investigations as well as an internal ultrasound to check things out.

I have also had a lovely offer to chat from one of my obs secretaries - she has had 3 miscarriages I believe - and I have her number here and plan to give her a call and have a talk sometime next week, when I am hopefully feeling a bit less emotional.

On a personal note, I also want to say a big thanks to Salt and satya, my former TTC buddies. Thank you both so much for your messages. Salt - I hope you are doing OK these days, I don't see you post much here anymore, I imagine the whole TTC thing is very difficult now for you (I so know how that feels) and I hope you get some answers from your FS appointment. Satya - I hope you are doing OK now too - I was so upset to read of your relationship problems.

And to everyone else who has taken the time to reply, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. It really has made a difference to me knowing how much support is available here on BB. Hope to talk to more of you soon.

Sussanah - Your DD will help you through this tough time, I know mine did. I really hope that you find some answers and that you take time to heal. I am glad that you and your DH have decided to ttc again, and I know that all the ppl in BB will be here to support you.

Take care

so sorry for your loss. please take the time to grieve by feeling what you are going through. big hugs.