Desperate, helpless, upset, and sick

Firstly, this site is a god send. Its comforting to know that other people know what I'm going through and online I have support. But offline, I am helpless and I can't believe this is happening to me. I want some relief but when there's nothing I can do, it's hard to relax.



I'm 20, and suffered depression for years. I don't think this was PCOS because 'events' caused me to get really down and lose self esteem. When I was away from these situations, I felt fine.



Whenever I bring up my health to my Mum she says there's nothing wrong with me. When I finally did see a doctor a month ago, she didn't come with me. I had a blood test and the female GP said it was PCOS and prescribed me 'Brenda' (the pill). I was really worried the second she told me and I kept asking 'is it serious, are my hormones way off' and she said no. When I told my Mum that I was given the pill she says 'it will make you gain weight, and have other side effects, if you take it, I don't want to know about it'. This upset me immensely because I really needed support. I didn't go and get the pill, so it's been a month, and I feel like my PCOS is not being treated which is really depressing me and stressing me out more than ever. I'm not happy with the doctor who diagnosed me because she didn't give me enough information and I got the impression that she didn't know much either.



I really want to see another doctor and have my tests done again- including insulin and thyroid and the ultrasound because this other GP didn't do that so I feel like I got half a diagnosis and I've been left hanging, basically. It was the first time I saw this GP, usually I see a male doctor, but Mum tells me his wife also works with him at the office so I could see her. She says 'we'll go and see her' but really just wants to push this under the carpet. She doesn't even BELIEVE I have PCOS despite the blood test. The blood test is always accurate right? I have some excess body hair but not loads, and I have my period. I have noticed my head hair is thinning but I don't know if thats directly PCOS in my case because a)I have put myself under ALOT of stress for years and b)I have long hair and i have worn it in tight ponytails and buns for a long time and I know that can cause thinning. c)I suspect I have vitamin deficiencies- all of these are things I want to have tested, and talked about with the doctor. I'm also stressing out WORSE since the diagnosis so that can't be helping my hair either.



So far since my diagnosis I've just been eating healthy and exercising. I'm thin and don't have a problem with excess weight around the middle or anywhere. I'd be quite happy to control this with diet and exercise if it weren't for the body hair and thinning scalp hair. If there are medications for that, I'll take it. I also want to be sure of the causes.



I know this is long and a 'woe is me' tale but I am so upset, depressed, helpless and lost. I feel like killing myself so I wont have to deal with this. My mum keeps saying 'you don't have it' and I wish she was right. I really need her to see the doctor with me so she can hear it for herself. I also feel like I'll never have a normal life now that I have this. I've been reading so many horror stories and I'm terrified. Particularly about scalp hair NEVER growing back. I don't know my situation exactly, I REALLY need to see this other doctor, don't I? And I really need my Mum to understand. So far my only option was the pill and my Mum is not supporting me on that. And since reading alot about PCOS in the last month, all these other drugs make me wonder why I wasn't given any of these options. Did the doctor prescribe the pill because its only a slight hormone imbalance? If my tests were really abnormal, is it then that other medications would be given? I'm really confused.



Thankyou for reading this. If you have any advice, anything at all to comfort me, please reply because I really need it right now. I gave up wrist slitting years ago but last night, did it all over again. I don't want to die, I believe there ar solutions to everything, but on the other hand, I want to cut my vein bad enough to lose enough blood to die. I don't know what to do!



God bless, Scarlett.

Oh Scarlett - you poor thing! You will get support on here. Where are you situated?
Firstly you need to find a good counsellor to help you work your way through this. Especially if your mum isn't being supportive. Secondly, if you feel you need a second opinion - go get one! You need to find a good doctor that will explain everything to you, give you your options and help get definitive answers. This is your right. Quite a few women on here suffer from PCOS so I am sure that they will rally to give you more specific advice regarding this condition.
Depression is so debilitating but help is out there. There are many groups like Beyond Blue that can help. You have your whole life ahead of you. Please keep posting how you are feeling on here so we can support you.

Hi Scarlett, I'm hearing a few things there that worry me a lot about your health, mental and physical. You've written that you feel like killing yourself, you want to cut yourself badly enough to make you die, and that you cut yourself last night. That's 3 times I've read you say really serious things which make me worry greatly about your state of mind. Forgive me for asking, but I work in the health field and we're told that when people start saying these things, there's a few questions we should ask. Firstly, are you considering suicide? Do you have a plan? And do you have the means to carry it out? If you find yourself answering yes to these then you urgently need medical assistance - please ring a Dr, Lifeline, your local community health centre, or your local community mental health service. Lifeline can help you talk through your feelings, and you may find assistance at the others as well. I really really worry about you Scarlett, and I hope you're going to be ok. I hope you aren't offended by me asking these questions, but I'm just concerned for your wellbeing and want you to be well and happy.

I found myself asking a work colleague those questions a year or two ago and was shocked by the answers - I found out he had answered yes to all of them and we just stopped him hurting himself. But he thanked me for asking as it set him on a new path.

please call someone and get help for both PCOS and your mental health - I wish you well, stay in touch.

I've never heard of anyone being diagnosed with PCOS from a single blood test, so I would not be going back to that doctor. You need to have an ultrasound done as well as several other tests to get an accurate picture. I'd be seeking a second opinion ASAP & please also mention your state of mind to the doctor you see. No medical problem is worth losing your life over.

Thankyou lovely ladies for your kind words and support.
I think if I really wanted to commit suicide I'd have done it; see, I don't WANT to die. That is not my desire at all. Some good came out of the wrist cutting; I know it sounds ridiculous. But the cuts healed fast and I know that when wounds heal fast, its an indication that your body is healthy.

I am SO MUCH better now and heres why!

I called my doctor and said I was worried about my diagnosis, etc. The GREAT news was that my DHEAS/androgen, testosterone levels are all normal. So while I was worrying myself sick thinking I needed a stronger medication to lower these levels, turns out they need NO adjustments and aren't the culprit of what I 'think' I'm experiencing. She said my scalp hair for a start would not be being affected and if I do lose hair its going to because of STRESS (and I really need to watch that because my Mum has a patch on her head that grows hair and then falls out again when she's stressed, so I could be prone to stress hair loss) but now that I've eliminated my biggest concern about 'MALE HORMONES AND VIRILIZATION' I can relax :) I also started thinking my thryoid had problems but that came back perfect too. The only thing I feel I need to worry about is my MIND.

Thanks again ladies, I appreciate the support, and please don't worry, I'm going to take care of myself :)

Hi Scarlett

I'm glad that you are feeling better and that you spoke to your doctor again. I find it odd that they would say you have PCOS even though your tests showed your male hormone levels to be ok - what an unnecessary stress for you! Either way, I have PCOS and it's really no big deal, you just get used to it and in most cases there is appropriate treatment readily available depending on whether you are planning a pregnancy or not as reduced fertility is usually the main concern. If not then there are other options to help with the unwanted side effects.

Sounds like you are prone to anxiety and depression so please make sure you keep on top of this and seek help when you need it. I know many people who suffer from depression and anxiety who are either on medication or seek regular counseling to help them deal with the intensity of their feelings. Sometimes just talking or writing about how you feel helps a lot.

Take care

Fi

Hi Fi,
Thanks for your post. I still have PCOS but my doctor calls it 'mild'. She even said that to reduce my stress, I really need to forget about it. When you say 'its no big deal' thats very comforting for me, thanks. I feel like this thing is going to consume my life. Its so frustrating; I still get periods, and I don't have unwanted side effects except some excess hair that might be genetic anyway- the doctor said because my hormones are normal, it probably is genes. What symptoms of PCOS do you have?

Hi Scarlett :D Glad you're feeling better!

Before I answer your a question, just a warning - if you suffer from depression, or have done in the past, THE PILL MAY NOT BE FOR YOU! My docs tried me on 2 different pills (Diane and another), and when they made me loopy she inserted one of those Implanon rods in my arm. Sufice to say, 6 months later it was removed after 3 suicide attempts and another trip to the ER when I tried to cut it out myself. I'm not telling you not to take it because it might not do that for you, just PLEASE be careful and keep an eye out for the signs. And if you know that somethigng isn't feeling right - demand action!!

My PCOS symptoms are mild hirsutism (easily controlled with Nair :)), irregular periods (about 2 a year), excess weight, extreme moodiness at time, and Insulin Resistance. Fun fun fun!!