Not sure where I fit in

Hi everyone

This is my first post but I have been lurking around for a while but wasn't quite sure where to post.

A little background on me.... After almost 12 months of TTC I was diagnosed with PCOS. I was referred to a fantastic FS who got me started on clomid. To my amazement I fell pg on my very first cycle! I felt like the luckiest girl in the world, however a series of blood tests and low HCG got me a little worried. At around 7 weeks I went for an u/s and was told they couldn't find my baby - that is was hiding and the most likely place for it to be hiding was in one of my tubes. So 2 days later I was in hospital for a lap... thankfully I woke up to be told that my tubes were clear. Sadly though, a few days laterI had a miscarriage. I was devastated and still am.

I guess I'm posting because I am finding it difficult to deal with. Some days I'm ok and other days I'm not. Most of the people I know don't really understand what I am going through, and although they try to offer support they just don't know what to say so they avoid me!

At this stage I dont know when I will be ready to try again, some days I'm excited about trying again and other days I dont even want to think about it because what I have just been through was so awful and I dont want to go through it again.

But reading your stories gives me much hope and strength and I want to thank you all because this site has really helped me over the past week or so.

I wish you all well with your TTC journeys!

Fi

hi fi,
Firstly I am so sorry for the loss of your little one.sending you big hugs.
After my mc I joined the ttc aml thread even though I wasnt really actively ttc, The girls are so supportive and friendly, I am sure you will find the support to help you through this time.
xxx

Hi Fi

i am so sorry to hear of the loss of your angel sending big :hug: to you honey. you are in the early stages of griving and knowing weather you want to try again or not is normal everything is so raw for you and give yourself time to grive cry shout do whatever you feel you need to to its such a hard thing loosing a baby and people do avoid you i had the same thing mainly my DH family and alot of people like friends and people at work just didnt speak about it at all as they really didnt no what to say i think the one thing we want is a big hug to tell us everything will be ok and for someone to truly understand how it feels i think you have come to the right place everyone hear is amazing and so supporting i think it will help you alot always hear to talk honey. take care.

Munchy xxx

Hi Fi,
Sorry about your loss. It is hard and sometimes people dont know what to say so they do avoid you in case they say the wrong thing. You have come to the right place. BB is so full of support and advice. If you ever need to talk, someone is always here to help.

You will know when you are ready to start trying again. We were prepared to start straight away but i wasnt as mentally ready as i thought i was and anded up a blubbering mess whilst dtd :confused: The girls all helped me through (and DH)

Take care and i wish you all the best for your healing process so you can help me populate Newie a bit more :hug:

So very sorry to hear of your loss Fi. :hug:
I too conceived on my first round of clomid. My 7 week scan showed a tiny bean with a hb, but when we went back at 9 weeks the heart had stopped beating. I too was totally devastated.
It is so hard to know when you will want to try again. Will you be using clomid again? My FS has told me to call him in 4 weeks to start another OI cycle with clomid, but emotionally I don't know if I will be ready. With the extra stress of the follicle tracking ultrasounds and monitoring and it all being so planned out and clinical.
I'm sorry that people are not being understanding and are avoiding you at a time when you need them the most. BB is a great site and you can be sure you will always find people to help you through the difficult times. A friend in cyberspace to stop you feeling lonely and isolated.
Take care and wishing you well.

Thanks girls. I think I have definitely come to the right place. No one really understands what it is like unless they have gone through it themselves and it is such a relief to know that you girls know exactly what I am going through!

I am seeing my FS again next Friday to discuss what has happened and when I will be ready to start on my next cycle of clomid. C1nders, I know exactly what you mean about it being so planned and clinical. I kind of wish I could just go with the flow and see what happens but if I want to try again then I will need to be really ready and start on another cycle of clomid. I guess I will speak to my FS next week and see what she says about when I am able to start again and take it from there. I am crazy busy at the moment with work and uni - I'm working full time and studying part time and have exams in 2 weeks so I wont have time to worry about it too much for a little while anyway.

But hopefully soon I'll be able to help MrsB26 populate newie a bit more!

Good luck with TTC everyone - I really hope to hear some good news from you all soon!

Fi

Fi, I am so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately until you go through the loss of baby people just don't understand............but that is where BB comes in because (fortunately and unfortunately) there are so many women here that can offer support and hope. I too have PCOS and conceived my little miracle, Cooper, on Clomid only to lose him. It is such a difficult decision of when to try again but you will know when you are ready. Take time to grieve and I wish you all the best when you decide the time is right - take care :hug:

Hi, Fi
Sorry to hear about you loss.
I found out the hard way that even friends who have suffered a loss don't know what to say and that I made her feel bad because I was so upset with the loss of my Angel and she just got on with life after her m/c. BB has been a really big help to me
It is great that you have a fantastic understanding FS. I have a fantastic GP and have found some of the DR's at JHH not to be so good/helpful (to me). :(

Good luck with your exams. :goodluck::goodluck::goodluck:

Take care :hug:
Chris

Thanks again for your kind words and support everyone. It is amazing that we are all able to carry on after the painful things we have to go through. Some of the stories I have been reading are just heartbreaking and I feel for all of you that have suffered a loss.

Chris, I'm sorry you have not had good experiences at JHH. I have never been there myself as I have only been in Newcastle for about 18 month, originally I'm from Melbourne. When I had my laparoscopy the other week I went into Lingard private hospital and all the doctors and nurses were amazing.

Take care everyone
Fi

Fi
Welcome to Newcastle its a great place.
My hubby says its not as nice as the Mornington Peninsula(sp???) Where he is from.
Cheers
Chris

Thanks Chris. Well I agree with your hubby that the Mornington Peninsula is lovely but.... the weather in Newcastle is much better than it is in Melbourne - although today is pretty ordinary!

Fi

Hello Fi and I am sorry for you loss as well I am brand new to this site so I hope you do not mind the intrusion. I have also suffered two miscarriages in a row from Aug of this year until now with a tubal rupture in aug of 2004 and I almost wonder if that is what is making me miscarry now. I do not have a dr app until next week but I have heard some very incouraging things on this website just by looking around. I wish you the best and hope everything turns out the way you want it to in the very near future.

Fi - how are you doing , hope you are doing ok.

Dear FI1980, I am so sorry to hear of your experience. It must be a confusing and sad time. I think everyone dreads losing a pregnancy once it has begun. I was at a naming day ceremony for one of the little kids I mind and someone asked me how far along I was. The poor woman was so embarassed when I said that I wasn't pregnant anymore (I terminated at 17 weeks due to chromosonal abnormality- 6 weeks ago). As she was apologising I had a little bubble in my throat and a tiny tear but she was looking away. It was probably the moment I had been dreading but I just said that she wasn't to know and I wasn't offended. She was genuinely sorry but I have found that talking about it really helps and other people will share their stories more readily. What I want to say is you are not alone, even though you might feel like you are the only one to have ever gone through it. We are human and we feel what our friends and family feel even though sometimes people are not good at talking. Dont be afraid to talk and ask for a hug or a shoulder to cry on. I hope you feel better soon. Take care
Mummacassdy