Difficult babies and easy babies

Just wanted to share my experience at the moment....

I absolutely adore both my children, BUT am finding that stress/worry/ exasperation unfortunately at times detracts from my second experience of parenthood.

My first baby was easy peasy - didn't cry much, and when he did cry it was for very predictable, easily addressed reasons. This left more time for enjoyable parenting.

My second baby is difficult to read, cries unpredictably, is sensitive to different environments, and doesn't feed well. I should add that she was born prematurely, so the poor sweety has had a big struggle early on and perhaps this has made her more vulnerable/less happy at times. I absolutely adore her - I love both my children more than anything - but find myself stressing over this bub such that at times it is difficult to just fully immerse myself in those beautiful bonding experiences.

Just wondering if others could relate to contrasting experiences of parenthood, and whether this resolved as time went on?

I only have one baby so far but in the last month or so he's suddenly become much more difficult and throws tanties ect - I geuss that it's just part of growing up but it's come as a bit of a shock to me. I have read in a couple of parenting books that lots of 'difficult' babies go on to become charming toddlers and vice-versa so hopefully this is just a passing phase for both our babies.
IKWYM about the stress and exasperation but I've discovered that often when Yasin is being a total pain if I can just take some time out to give him a cuddle and some kisses and have a little sniff of his yummy baby smell that I feel the love more and become a bit calmer.
Just another thought - have you tried baby massage? It might make you both feel a little less stressed out and its a lovely way to bond.

Thanks for your reply. She loves massages, so that is a good idea for me to do more often. I totally agree that when you take a moment to just enjoy them and play with them, it feels less stressful all round. I am joining a structured playgroup with her next week and can't wait to have that relaxed time to focus on her where I don't have to worry about housework or any other interruptions.

That is a great point re babies with strong personalities growing into charming toddlers - I like the idea that my feisty, assertive little baby is growing into a strong, vivacious little girl!

Hi Jillian,

Thanks for your reply - its helpful to know others have found parenting a little unpredictable the second time around.

Yeah it's like you have to develop new ideas and responses for each baby. I sometimes wonder whether nature or nurture is having more of an influence.

Like you, I found one of mine really took to breastfeeding and the other one just wasn't interested and ended up on bottles a lot sooner.

I guess life would be boring if they were all the same, though!

Charlie and Olivia are really similar in many ways, but totally different in others. Who knows what is nature and what is nurture? It is fascinating, for sure.

I actually think my two are very alike, but the differences show because I am do much more aware this time round. IYKWIM?

Certainly I am more "stressed" this time round because even though Charlie is "easy", Olivia is currently going through some toddler antics that are enough to drive me to drink, so I am probably not as able to really revel and luxuriate in Charlie's easiness!

That is a really good point Lucy - it is damn hard to balance the needs of a toddler and a baby; at times it feels like responding to whichever is making the most noise at the given moment!

i only have one child, but jackson has been an extremely difficult baby from day one, he is not much of a day sleeper, sometimes will get by with just an hour of two worth of catnaps during the day, and the time he is up, he is not happy to just play or have a kick etc, he wants to be occupied the whole time, if he sees me even walk out of the room he screams. he has been a cryer for no reason from the beginning, has been checked out several times and he is perfectly healthy, he is basically just a little bugger. hates loud noise, doesnt really like going to other peoples houses and wont settle if he is out.

so i completely understand how tiring, frustrating and draining a difficult baby can be. jackson is getting a little better i must admit, but still at times it is hard to cope with him. this is when DH or mum or sisters step in to just give me a break and after he is handed back, none of them know how i manage to cope with him 7 days a week!

i guess the only thing i can say is that it will get better, just takes some babies longer to settle down than others, what's bubs daddy's personality like, is he really headstrong and a bit difficult too, jackson gets it a bit from both of us in different ways i think

Hi Min,

Emily too is not keen to be in environments away from home, and won't feed properly unless we're at home. She doesn't settle easily for other people. This makes me nervous to have her babysat at all.

I spent most of this morning nurturing Emily with things she loves - massages, bubble bath, lots of nurserv rhymes, snuggles...I think she would like to spend all her time doing these things and never leave the house. However, my little boy misses out if I give Emily too much attention and we all stay inside all day.

Like Jackson, I think Emily is gradually becoming easier and more relaxed as time goes on, so seemingly the difficulties could just be a stage....

Well I only have one as well, but two of my close friends have girls a year or two older than Matilda. & She is entirely different. She's difficult and I watch them with their kids and think, what happened to mine? LOL

I only have the one child (for now LOL!) and whilst I wouldn't say Jacob was difficult, I wouldn't call him easy either!

He has suffered quite badly with separation anxiety and even though I am a SAHM, going to the toilet, let alone preparing dinner can be a thorough nightmare. It makes me very stressed and quite frustrated and it's hard work, but he is much better than he once was with this, although he certainly has his moments when he just wants to be cuddled. We also found his sleeping patterns to be very challenging after he was about 6 months old - before this, he slept beautifully - not a care in the world! When it comes to food, he's not what I would call a food-orientated baby. I swear some days if I didn't offer him the food, he wouldn't look for it! Plus he insists on feeding himself, to the point where he will pull food out of his mouth that I have spooned in there, just so that he can put it back in there himself LOL!!! What a mess!

He is also very determined and has become a lot more independent than what he once was. I knew that he would never be fully satisfied until he could walk - once he realised that it was possible to move by rolling over, and he couldn't quite do it yet, the frustration really set in. I found that this frustration for him did not ease until he could walk and now he loves tearing around the house and doing things on his own. He also enjoys playing on his own and reading books. Sure, he still has his moments where he wants to be attached at the hip, and his ratty hour is late afternoon which is horrible because I need to prepare dinner and he will lay across my feet in protest LOL, but by and large he isn't as clingy as he was........

So I have found being a parent to be pretty hard work but also very rewarding........

Hi Melinda,

Yeah it sucks when you can't even have a few moments to yourself to go to the toilet......

Berry - I have no suggestions what so ever as I am still new to this whole motherhood thing. I just wanted to say that I find this topic thoroughly interesting.
My Mum often talks about the differences between myself as a baby and my three sisters. She says if she had had my third sister, Hanna, as her first baby, she probably wouldn't have had any more! 8-[ Apparently she was a very demanding baby (she also had health issues).
It's amazing how different each baby can be, hey?

Hi Debbie,

I have 3 sisters also (no brothers), and we were all very different. I guess birth order has an impact, as well as genetics and all that.

My mum thinks the difficult birth experience of her firstborn, and the baby being admitted to Special Care for a week, contributed to later parenting difficulty.

I must say that my experience giving birth to Emily prematurely and having her hospitalised in the NICU was a rather traumatic beginning....

a lot of the time jackson actually watches me going to the toilet in his bouncer because he wont let me out of his sight, this can be a little offputting!!!

now he is a bit older, i am trying to leave him with people a bit more, and get others to feed him and leave him on his own to play gradually so that he learns he has to spend some time away from me, and be able to keep himself company. little by little he is getting better, yesterday i left him on the floor in his bedroom with his toys all around him for a whole half an hour while i did the vaccing, woohoo!!