are you ok with it?

hi everyone I hope everything is going good with your little ones. I just have a question about your experience with the scn. My little man was 8 weeks early and spent 3 weeks in the SCN. The nurses there were fantastic and I thought everything was great when I finally got to take my baby home. He is 4 months now and I find myself not able to think about those firt few weeks when he was in hospital. I can't look at photos without crying and I feel like every problem we have is because he was born early! I know this might be irrational but at the moment we are having problems with his sleep and I think maybe if he was full term I wouldn't have had to be so careful in the begining and maybe would have set up a better sleep routine for him.
Im also a bit worried I might have PND. Is it common to be ok with things and then when you look back on it to be traumatised? I thought I was alright but maybe now I have the energy and time to reflect I am realistic where as before I just kinda went from day to day.
Im sorry this is so long..... I guess I just want to know if this is normal and will I become OK with the pain of my tiny little baby being in hospital? Or will it always hurt?
Thanks for everything....I don't know what I would do without BB
Take care everyone
xox

Hello, my name is sally and My little man was born at 30 wks. Brendan spent 6 weeks in hospital. He will be 9 months old tomorrow :D How is you lil one doing now? I still get upset when I think about his time in hospital... this is perfectly normal. By having premature babies we got robbed of our right to a "normal" pregnancy. So we also feel a sense of loss. I guess it is something we will always have to deal with. I am finding it easier now to cope as Brendan is starting to do more interesting things, he's rolling :D Have you heard of a site LilAussiePrems.com.au?? It's great, all mums of premmie bubs :D Plenty of encouraging stories.

Good luck with everything :)

Hey Nay, it is possible to have PND. It's a stressful and traumatising time which I reckon will affect you for a while. Could you perhaps book a long appointment with your dr to talk about PND and how you feel? Perhaps even a counselling session to see where the thoughts go? I think if it had happened to us I'd feel awful about it still. It isn't likely your baby's sleep issues are related to the time in hospital - your baby is just being a baby, I think all of us have had problems re sleep and have wondered if we did or didn't do something in the past to make this happen. Maybe a chat with the MCHN would help?

hi there
im not in your position of having a prem baby, but just wanted to say i think nearly all babies have sleep issues, no matter when they are born... my little one seems to getting the hang of sleeping now and she is 8 months, but we still have our bad days and bad nights...
re: the looking back on your baby's time in hospital, i can really understand how u are feeling.... totally not the same, but i had a traumatic birth and for the first couple of hours couldn't even look at my baby let alone hold her, because i was in a state of complete and utter shock... she was a few days old before i even cuddled her. when i think back to that time i get so guilty and teary and angry at how things went, that my little one didnt 'really' have her mother for quite some time because of the birth going wrong. i can't imagine how you would feel thinking of bubs in the nursery.... just wanted to say i sort of have an incling of how u feel and can understand it. i had a session with a counsellor re the birth and it really helped to get it all out. i also started to write a letter of complaint to the hospital, and found that really therapeutic, even though i never sent it. sometimes talking and writing gets things off your chest and helps with the release of it all. maybe some of that might help, maybe not.... hope your little one is well and try not to worry about the sleep thing, babies and sleep problems go hand in hand, babies that sleep okay are a rarity not the norm, honest.

I agree with emma, most babies have sleep issues or any issues for that matter. Was this your first bubba?
My baby were born 33/34 weeks and were in the NICU for almost a month. I don't think about that time anymore now. Like Sally said, you tend to "forget" when they start doing interesting stuff. DD is on the verge of starting to walk and are pulling herself up on anything she can get hold off. When I do look back now I am in awe of this little mirical of mine.
I also think that if you feel a bit overwelmed - that's normal. I had a "break-down" about two weeks after dd got home. Time caught up with me then and it was just a tad to much. I had a good cry and DH took me out for dinner (left dd at my mom's) I felt better. So I don't think it's weird that you are not yet "ok" with the whole experiance of giving birth to a prem. Give yourself time and if you feel that you are not coping, go see a dr about PND. PND is not a crime and does not make you a bad mommy
XXX good luck

thanks guys I have booked an appointment with a counselling session with my local womens centre. I think i do need to talk about my experience and try to heal.
Thanks for all your help i think in will be ok.
Take care everyone
xox

Hi There,
My little girl was sick when she was born but she wasn't premmie. She spent a time in the NICU and we were told she wasn't going to make it. Well she did & she was a beautiful, bouncing little baby in no time. It still took me a LONG time to get over her birth & the fact that I nearly lost her. I too thought I had PND, I went to my local Early Childhood Centre, who arranged home visits & councilling sessions. In the end, I had post traumatic stress, rather than PND. Perhaps you just need to debrief about what happened to your little one. The NICU can be a scarey, sad place & I know how you feel. I couldn't associate with those who hadn't bonded with their baby but I felt sad & cried constantly about her being sick at birth. Go & see some one. You have nothing to lose. It's free. You'll feel heaps better. Otherwise, try putting your birth story on this site. It might make you feel better just by putting it on paper. My thoughts are with you.

My premmie is 5 now, actually he turned 5 the day you started this thread! I still get upset looking at photos, seeing isoletes, seeing pics of premmies and over many other things that relate to the experience. I think its only natural to feel this way *hugs*

Hi Nay,

I tend to agree with Emma. My DD was 9 wks early and her sleeping for the majority of he time is really good but we do get patches where she wakes and wants to play at god awful hours. I want to reassure you that it will pass. Even now I look back at DD's pics and think "WOW she was little-LOOK AT HER NOW".

I personally don't feel "robbed" of a normal pg by having a premmie. I feel very blessed that I was able to carry my baby as far as I possibly could and to continue doing every thing possible for her while she wasin SCN.

It's only natural to feel the way you feel. It takes time to reflect and absorb what you have been through.I hope you are able to heal and enjoy your special little man.

Hi Nay, I think seeing a counsellor to help you process your grief is a very good step. My son was in NICU 5 years ago now, and I still have "flash back" days where it hurts. I think you go into survival mode while you're actually neck-deep in the experience - our adrenalin kicks in and we go into cope mode.

When the crisis is over, our minds take over from our bodies and pull apart and analyse the experience we've been through. I think this is a normal part of the healing process... as long as you find ways of bringing the pain to the surface and release it (hence I think your idea of talking to someone is a great move).

Feel free to share your feelings and frustrations here, and we'll try to support you in whatever way we can. :hug:

thanks so much everyone you have really helped me! I have recently be diagnosed with pnd and i am working to overcome it!
Thankyou all again i would be mad without you all!
xox