11 yo issues?

Hi

Well my 11 yo daughter Caitlyn is really a lovely girl. She can be quite aloof and in her own world. But I'm having some issues with her and they're just small things that I think she should be able to do. She doesn't do any chores around the house, I've given my kids the option to help out, if they do they tick the job they've done and they get pocket money for it. Well as you can imagine my 11 yo doesn't do much, although my 9 yo is a bit of a whizz and has built up a healthy bank account.

Anyway basically my daughters is expected to keep her room tidy, put dirty clothes in the wash, take care of herself (hair, teeth etc) but even this is a chore for her. The other day she hadn't brushed her hair for 2 days and it was getting matted so I told her to have a bath and wash her hair and when she had conditioner in her hair to brush it out. Well she got out of the bath and hadn't done her hair. Well I just sent her back to the bath to do her hair, which she did, she was then on no TV for the night.

I just find that I don't know how to get her motivated to do these basic things. I also find she's easily distracted, like during the holidays my girls have been doing swimming classes and when the teacher was talking to Caitlyn, Caitlyn wouldn't look at her and was looking around and didn't seem to be paying attention. I had to pull her up and say "listen to your teacher".

Now I'm wondering if this is normal type of behaviour for her age? and I'm wondering whether it would be beneficial to put her into a sport that will give her some discipline and training? I'm thinking of putting her in surf club or swimming club (as she is a brilliant swimmer), I'm not sure yet. I thought putting her into something where she has to achieve things on her own would be more beneficial rather than a team type sport. Plus I think I need to get her out of the house more cos if I let her she'd sit in front of the TV/computer all day and wouldn't move off the lounge.

Hi Lee-ann,
sounds like you are having a whole lot fun..Not.
Well my DD is now 15, she is a good kid, but goes through stages of laziness. We introduced pocket money for jobs, if she doesn't do her jobs she gets no pocket money, and I wont pay for anything that she wants. Otherwise there really wouldn't be a point in the pay for jobs system.
I think most kids go through a stage where they are pretty much just airheads, the age may vary, but it's a common syndrome :)
My DD is doing Aikido, martial arts are based on discipline and respect, so not a bad thing for kids to get involved in, she loves her Aikido and is going for her second belt soon, so also gets rewarded for achievements.

Not sure this is of any help to you... Hope that your DD will snap out of it soon :)

I sympathise Lee-ann! My DD is almost 11 and is also lazy but that's normal. Good on your 9y.o though! What a star! You should heap lots of praise and hugs as affection has a lot of "currency" with children, more than they might let on and if your DD sees this she might adjust. In regards to the vagueness: the thing that sprung to my mind when i read your post was that it seems she might have something on her mind... something that's kinda consuming all her attention. Is she worried about something? Is she happy at school? Do you talk much? I know sometimes I grow a little distant from my DD and things get worse in terms of her co-operativeness. A sudden out-of-the-blue interrogation might not work but perhaps suggesting a shopping trip where you could chat about her friends for example could reveal something. Has her teacher ever mentioned an issue with concentration? Good Luck! :)

I so totally sympathise Lee-ann and wow..another Bunbury person!!! Small world.

Sports can be great as far as motivating kids to get moving. Mine play hockey during the winter and Jess who is 11 is playing basketball now though i understand what you mean about getting her into something where she can achieve on her own. Music lessons are good for that sort of thing as well.

I find Jess who is 11 to be quite dreamy alot of the time too and very vague...so maybe its just the age?? It can be hard to get her attention and hard to get information out of her too. I go into her room when shes going to bed and find that that is when shes most likely to talk about anything that may be worrying her. I know girls can start being quite mean at this age too..so I try and keep a close eye on whats going on with her. I guess alot is going on in their little bodies at this point.

I agree with getting out of the house more too...and its easier to do now with the nicer weather coming..lol My kids would quite happily watch tv or play xbox or go on the computer when the sun is shining..im like out you go!!!

Sorry Ive rambled on and havent really been any help what so ever...hope things work out for you though.

Jo