Let's Elope!

dp and i have been talking seriously about eloping sometime this year. our reasons for doing so are:
we already have a mortgage and son together so feel as though a wedding is a bit of a formality iykwim?
we have way better things to spend our money on atm- like home renovations, new business etc.
i have never really been a 'dress up' kind of girl, and the thought of buying a dress, organising invites etc. absolutely does my head in, rather than excites me like i've seen it do to friends
dp is originally from Sydney and so logistically it is quite difficult as to whether to have wedding in Syd or Melb
i lost my mother in 2006 and would find it extremely difficult, confronting and not enjoyable to have a wedding without her there. since her death, xmas has become a day where i cry most of the day and imagine a wedding would be the same

so....my question is....do you think it's fair on our friends and family for us to not have a wedding? i really don't want to hurt anyone or let anyone down...but then i think we have already brought so much joy into many peoples' lives by having ds and sharing him with so many people - first grandchild on both sides, first baby in dp's main friendship group etc....what do you think? is it selfish to just want to be married but not want a wedding that involves everyone?? would people whose weddings we've been to in the last few years feel 'ripped off'???

Elope and get married then come home and through a big bbq to let everyone know that your married
they should be upset to much then

I was going to say the same thing as Ellibugs. Elope and then come home and have a big BBQ for everyone to celebrate, you could have one in Vic and one in Syd. Its your day and you have to do what is going to make you and your dp happy.

If the mere thought of organizing a wedding does your head in DON'T! The whole thing can be mental.

Gracie, having organised a wedding the best advice I can give you is - ELOPE!!! Absolutely it sounds like the right thing for you to do. My cousin eloped recently and her mum was really upset, but they had a party a few weeks later and everyone was happy for them and understood why they had done it. At this stage it's really not about what others think, you guys need to do what's right for you. This is the start of the rest of your life together, you have to please each other and yourselves, no-one else. Best of luck with it. Make sure we get to see some photos ;) .

elli- i love that idea!! then i could wear whatever i want to the bbq- not a wedding dress, and wouldn't have to worry about hair, make up, nails and all that hoo haa that does my head in!

Katie- great idea- one in each state so no one gets their nose out of joint :)

thanks Carley- i agree with you, i just hope everyone else understands iykwim?

Lulu- the thought of organising a wedding absolutely does my head in. i feel like i would just keep postponing it to avoid having to do anything. i honestly can't be bothered....

thanks Mel- i definitely think it's the right thing to do for us. i just don't want people to resent us...for eg. dp's mother- i really don't think she'd be too happy about it at all..

I would Elope then announce it with a big party at home for all family and friends..

Not that I didn't enjoy my wedding but I would have preferred to elope

I agree - elope! I desperately wanted to elope but Dad told me he'd disown me if I did (should have done it anyway!!!).

My Uncle called everyone around for a BBQ and then his wife disappeared for a bit and came out in a special dress she'd made and the celebrant arrived and they got married. Noone knew a thing until they got there! So much less pressure.

You could always organise the wedding to be O/S (Bali is a popular place for this kind of thing) and tell people if they want to attend they have to pay their own way. Usually you can organise to have a celebrant on the beach (be as dressed up or down as you like) and they organise for you to have a meal in a nice resturant afterwards. Or they can organise the full thing for you. Bonus is you get your honeymoon too ;)

Good luck!

MG

Gracie I say go for it! Relatives might be a bit upset for a day or so but they will get over it. You could get Lewis all dressed up and it would just be the 3 of you...I think thats so special.

Also I like what MG mentioned about the bbq/suprise wedding. So so easy!

Not knowing your family, I'm gonna hafta go down the unpopular road and suggest you REALLY think it through.

My husband and I eloped in August last year. It was a planned eloping - only our close family were there. It took a few months for my parents to get used to the idea, and then they were right behind it. My mum even hired a limo as a surprise for me, she said even if I wasn't getting married in a Kingdom Hall, didn't mean I couldn't have a limo! But DH's parents weren't too thrilled, him being the only son and the only one able to marry in the church.

But the one thing that really surprised me was the amount of our supposed friends that didn't support us. To this day we still don't talk to some of them, because they view our marriage as 'less' than theirs somehow. Some felt that we had deliberately excluded them. I felt really hurt not long ago when I showed someone our wedding pics - all the guests took pics on their digital cameras and then gave us copies - and the person said 'Wow! These photos almost look like you two had a REAL wedding!'

So, in terms of the planning I would REALLY recommend eloping - the whole thing cost us less than $800, and we really enjoyed ourselves. However, you can never tell how your friends are going to react until after, when it's too late. The surprise wedding/bbq is a great idea, because then your friends and relatives are included, but its not a huge show!

Hope this helps, and CONGRATULATIONS!

Id love to ELOPE with my DP... We are basically married already. We just need the bit of paper to go with it :)

Trying to convince him... not doing so great haha

sorry to put it so blunt but it is ur life and if someone gets upset over it then it is their problem. if u dont elope then u will have heaps of people wanting u to do certain things on ur wedding. after nearly finishin planning my wedding i wish i eloped. no one is happy with wat u decide so just do wat is best for u.

I offered an elopement to my DF and he vetoed it ... now my Mums gotten hold of the wedding and there are people going I don't even know!

BUT! Having the wedding means a lot to my parents, my aunts etc.

Why not just hold an engagement party, bring the minister? That way not much planning at all, and as cheap as eloping, but your family & friends won't miss out. Maybe call your very close family in Sydney and ask them to come to your engagement party as their gift to you ...

You need to do what makes you happy and try not to worry about what others think. It is your day and should be done your way. If you wanted to compromise, you could have a BBQ after, wherer you annouce your good news. So everyone could congratulate you. Good luck.

My partners parents eloped on the beach in fiji when his older brother was 1... I like that idea... it's like doing something for you. I have a cousin who is in america at the moment... shes eloping on the way home and then having a reception with everyone when she gets back.