coping alone...

as i am typing tears are running down my cheeks..
on wednesday i started spotting.. which continued till friday.. in the afternoon i had cramping and passed some clots.. which im sure = the miscarriage.. as much as i want to believe it wasnt i know it was..

bleeding hasnt been that heavy though so i didnt feel rushing to the dr would be of any benefit.. they would just want to poke and prod at me, not what i feel i need right now..

DP has tried to be supportive but he has said he is not a woman so he cant not fully understand the 'pain' i am feeling right now.. and just reassures me that he loves me and that we will have more children, and tells me its not my fault its something that happens to lots of women and most of the time its for the best as it is natures way of sending angels to heaven who are not ready to be here..

besides DP i dont feel i have anyone to talk to about it all.. ten months ago i had a traumatic experience with the birth of my DS which ended in emergency c-sec and when i needed my friends and family to be there they were all caught up in their busy lives.. amazingly DS at ten months seems to be understanding something is going on and has been very good for me while DP is at work..

part of me feels responsible for it all as i have a chromosome translocation which makes it more likely to miscarry..part of the reason we havnt told people .. i just feel like why is my body letting me down again?!
i know there is nothing i could do different..

sorry this has been such a long blurt

Jassi
DP J
DS Bailey 2/3/2007
:angel: 8 weeks

Hi there and welcome to BB, i am sorry to hear what you are going through, sending nyou a big hug , just take one day at a time.

Jassi, welcome to Belly Belly.

I'm really sorry for what you are going through, and for your experience with Bailey, its sad that you feel so alone *hugs* to you, i know how that feels.

After my experiences with my losses, my family (besides my mum) all seem to be unsure how to "be there" for me, and while my friends try, its just hard for people who havent been through it to know what to do or how to help. So many times i have found myslef crying alone (when i feel DH needs a break from being my strength :) )

However since finding myslef in these threads, i have found many beautiful women who have helped and supported me, who are now some of my closest and dearest friends.
I have found even just reading other peoples stories has helped, as it helps to know the feelings you have are not yours alone, and that as your partner says, yes this does happen often, but it still hurts each and every woman it happens to.

I'm glad that young Bailey seems so intune with his Mummy and he is being good for you. :)

I wish you all the strength and everything you need to get through the next few very hard days, and i hope physically it is not too hard on you, and when you are up to it, or if you feel like you need to, go to the Dr just to check everything is ok.

Hugs again Jassi, Take care
xoxoxxo
StarBright
xoxoxoxoxox

I'm so sorry for what you are currenlty going through. You are lucky you have DH who loves you and a well behaved little boy. You are allowed to grieve for your loss, infact it is a nessessary part of healing. Time will make things easier. In the mean time take things easy and love what you have a little bit more.

Hi Jassi,

Big :hug:, I know it sucks right now, not knowing what's going on.

Wishing you all the best and that everything isn't too hard on you.

..Laura

Jassi - I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. SInce my m/c in november the ladies here have made me feel much better.

barbara

i just wanted to say thankyou for all your kind words..

i had a big cry the other day.. and then saturday night as well.. i think it helps a little..

i just feel a little bit empty..

yesterday i went on a cleaning spree in my house .. a little bit crazy but i feel better with the house clean now..

lol.. and playing tiger woods golf on my Wii has helped be a good distraction.. i even got a hole in one.. :dance: and had made a deal with DP for a massage for the one to get a hole in one first.. looks like ill be pampered with a massage soon!!

im going to the dr tomorrow to get everything checked out.. i had made the appointment before i miscarried..

DP and i have decided we'll wait a while before trying again.. i am only 22 so there isn't that big a rush.. so i guess we'll have more time to prepare for number two when i happens..

once again thanks .. just for reading my post and taking the time to say you understand..
jassi